Anyone else planing a Unassisted Birth? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 61 Old 10-01-2010, 10:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wondering if anyone else is planning an Unassisted Birth ?

I would have loved do have done it with my son's birth, but my mom hired me a doula which was great. After 2 hospital births now, i've realized i don't need anyone telling me to push or that i can't eat. I know i can handle the pain, with my son i was walking around at 8cm talking on the phone to my dad letting him know his grandson would be born soon.

I will be making the most of our insurance since we pay alot for it so i will do prenatal appointments with them. That way if going to the hospital is needed we won't have to worry about it.


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#2 of 61 Old 10-01-2010, 10:21 PM
 
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Um....maybe. I haven't figured out the plans for the birth yet. It's likely at this point that I will get prenatal care through a hospital-based CNM. I haven't made an appointment yet, but our insurance will pay for everything. But I may just stay home for the birth if things go well. I am certainly going to prepare for the possibility and try to get my DH more on board. I already told him that if I end up pushing at home again, the baby is being born at home (I am NOT moving), and he was ok with that. With DS the labor was so easy that I was not convinced I was in labor until about an hour before he was born, and I spent half that time trying to hold him in while we got to the hospital.

So this time around, at the very least, I am going to know what I'm doing so that I can confidently have a UC if the need arises.

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#3 of 61 Old 10-01-2010, 11:13 PM
 
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i've thought about it, i'm very inspired by the idea, but this is number one for us and i think i'll be able to relax better if i know there's a midwife there that can handle any emergencies.
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#4 of 61 Old 10-02-2010, 12:10 AM
 
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Not sure yet. I had prenatal care with an ob/mw team with dd#2 and when I went into labor we just stayed home. It was GREAT! I have some new health issues this go-round and I'm not sure yet what we'll do. I wish I felt comfortable blowing off all the prenatal stuff ... it gets SO stressful when they assume so much based on your age/weight.

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#5 of 61 Old 10-04-2010, 06:41 PM
 
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Also not sure. I plan on having a midwife this time because I don't believe I'm in a mental state where I am ready to handle that commitment. I had two UPs and one UC prior to this, so I've been around that block... but I'm very much in need of the emotional stability and companionship that a midwife provides this time, so I'm seeking one out that is comfortable with my past UC and would be very supportive of a future one... just in case.

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#6 of 61 Old 10-04-2010, 08:22 PM
 
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I would love an UC, but hubby is in the place where he feels better with someone of some experience attending (and is very supportive of home birth). I am definitely planning on waiting until the last possible moment to call the midwife though. I think he would be fine even if he knew she were on her way when the baby was born lol

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#7 of 61 Old 10-05-2010, 12:45 PM
 
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I AM!! We've had 3 hospital births (1 OB & 2 MW's). This time do I not only get my homebirth, but we're going unassisted as well. I have nothing against Midwives, heck I'm a student midwife myself. I just don't feel I need anyone there telling/suggesting what I should do and I will have my close friend and husband for emotional support. My friend is a student midwife as well so she can help recognize things If I'm in the zone without feeling any "complication." I firmly believe that when you are by yourself (no professional present) that you listen to your body and baby more and just instinctively know what to do.

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#8 of 61 Old 10-05-2010, 11:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just looked up the hospital that is close to where we are moving for our insurance kaiser and it's a 46min drive on 2 major freeways and i'm assuming that is with no traffic at all, I will be making that drive for prenatal appointments so that if something happens and i need the hospital i'm already in the system. I know if something major happens and i need a hospital in a emergency there is the hospital my daughter was born at that is closer mainly city streets at 20mins away or so roughly that i can be seen since it'd be for a emergency.


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#9 of 61 Old 10-06-2010, 04:28 PM
 
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I'm thinking about it. I'd rather have a midwife there to observe, which is what happened with my first birth - she showed up about 17 hours into labor, came in to say hello, and then I sent her out of the room again. When my son started to crown twenty minutes later, I called her back in in a panic (I had no idea what was happening, having had no urge to push at any point), and she came in and told me she could see his head and I was doing fine. She reassured me a few times, picked up my son when he floated out into the birth pool, and handed him to me. She never touched me or gave me instructions until after he was born, but she watched us after birth, cleaned up, and was generally a comforting, experienced presence. It was just about perfect. Since then I've moved 3,000 miles and I'm afraid I won't be able to find a midwife who is confident enough to leave me alone. I'd rather have no one than someone who doesn't trust birth.

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#10 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 02:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by redeyedvireo View Post
I'm thinking about it. I'd rather have a midwife there to observe, which is what happened with my first birth - she showed up about 17 hours into labor, came in to say hello, and then I sent her out of the room again. When my son started to crown twenty minutes later, I called her back in in a panic (I had no idea what was happening, having had no urge to push at any point), and she came in and told me she could see his head and I was doing fine. She reassured me a few times, picked up my son when he floated out into the birth pool, and handed him to me. She never touched me or gave me instructions until after he was born, but she watched us after birth, cleaned up, and was generally a comforting, experienced presence. It was just about perfect. Since then I've moved 3,000 miles and I'm afraid I won't be able to find a midwife who is confident enough to leave me alone. I'd rather have no one than someone who doesn't trust birth.
UCers call that "shadow care", and it's not fair to a midwife because it takes advantage of her services... if you aren't confident enough to handle a UC, and the potential problems or stresses that may arise, it is best to get a midwife and utilize her skills. Let her know what you are and aren't comfortable with, and since you've taken the time to get to know each other and trust each other I'm sure she'll be happy to chill in your livingroom while you labour in the bathroom.
My midwife slept on my couch during most of my first labour, because I didn't need her right then.

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#11 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 02:34 AM
 
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I thought shadow care meant getting prenatal care but not using them for the birth.

littleteapot, can you clarify what you mean about using a midwife's skills? I'm just not sure what you mean. If I get a midwife and ask her to be really hands-off, and she agrees, that is not fair to the midwife? I guess I may be really confused, because I'm not seeing what's that different between your story and redeyedvireo's...both midwives were used when they were needed right? Sorry if I'm being totally dense. It is late.

I may have changed my mind in regards to UC. I talked to some doulas in the area to get recs for prenatal care and they just could not stop talking about the homebirth midwife (basically the only one in the area) and how great she was so I went ahead and set up a meeting. If I click with her, that will probably be better than waffling between hospital and unassisted. We will see though! I believe she has also observed at unassisted births and so she may have a pretty hands-off philosophy...however, she does have state protocols she has to follow too.

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#12 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 02:35 AM
 
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Hiring the midwife only to observe your birth, "just in case" is an abuse of her skills. That's what I'm reading as what she said... but I could be wrong!
I hear this thing come up often on UC forums.

ETA
I should clarify: that's NOT having her do your prenatal care, or signing up for PC and not participating... only for the sole purpose of having her show up and sit in your driveway "just in case", and end up sending her home after hours of standing around.

I also hear "shadow care" as the PC but no birth thing as well, it tends to be a slang for multiple circumstances.

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#13 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 02:44 AM
 
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Ah ok, with your edit there it makes sense now. I think in a way, ALL birth attendants are really there "just in case" you know? But I agree, if you are going to rely on a midwife in an emergency, it would be best to have prenatal care and have a relationship with them.

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#14 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 02:52 AM
 
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Ah ok, with your edit there it makes sense now. I think in a way, ALL birth attendants are really there "just in case" you know? But I agree, if you are going to rely on a midwife in an emergency, it would be best to have prenatal care and have a relationship with them.
Yes this, that's exactly what I meant. No offense or judgment intended.

I really respect midwives and the hard work they go through, and I feel like it's not at all fair to them (or any professional, really) to have them come and sit in your driveway, you know? That sucks. That's not what they're there for.
Ideally all birth attendants are there for 'just in case', but it's more than that: support, education, emotional care, information, advocacy, help, love, nurturing and preparing you for the birth of your child... an ideal care provider/patient relationship has all of those things, and in the end your CP is there to observe and support (ideally, anyway!).
But I suppose it's another thing entirely to hire them under false pretenses of, "just in case I don't want to do it myself..." and have them sit in your driveway and do nothing until, or unless, you decide they're necessary. And that's what seems like an abuse of their job, yk? Is this making sense?

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#15 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 09:32 AM
 
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I really respect midwives and the hard work they go through, and I feel like it's not at all fair to them (or any professional, really) to have them come and sit in your driveway, you know? That sucks. That's not what they're there for.
I respect midwives, too. That's why I asked one to come observe my birth. That is a midwife's job. Much of the "stuff" that midwives do is unnecessary or in fact disruptive to the birth process.

I had prenatal care with my midwife, and we discussed how we wanted to navigate the client/midwife relationship. I'd imagined her being there for hours, but she said to call her in when sensations were three minutes apart, which we did, at which point the baby was about ready to be born. We didn't know that, though. Birth is unpredictable. When I sent her out of the room, I sent my mother and husband out as well, because the entrance of another person had messed up my birthing rhythm and I needed to be alone to get going again. That's okay, too. We are supposed to listen to our bodies.

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But I suppose it's another thing entirely to hire them under false pretenses of, "just in case I don't want to do it myself..." and have them sit in your driveway and do nothing until, or unless, you decide they're necessary. And that's what seems like an abuse of their job, yk? Is this making sense?
I don't know where you got the idea that I hired her "under false pretences." I didn't. She would be delighted to work with me again if I were still in her town, and she has offered to do a phone consultation with me if I decide to UC. Her favorite quote is Michel Odent's "the most important thing is never to disturb the birthing woman." If that means sitting in the other room, after seeing that things are fine, that's a legitimate use of her wisdom and experience.

I'm a little ticked that you describe my birth as deceptive, abusive of my midwife, disrespectful, and unfair, without knowing anything about either of us. You made an awful lot of very big, erroneous assumptions there. No offense or judgement intended? Really?

I also have to say that I have a lot of respect for women who decide to have shadow care as a way to protect themselves and their babies from harmful disruptions while still having a contact who can help in case of emergency.

I do not plan to do that, though. If I decide to UC, I'll be doing it on my own, with the option to call my far-away former birth attendant if I run into something I have more questions about. I will give the local midwives a chance first, though, by interviewing them. I'd love to have a wise woman at my birth.

I think it's just a shame that there aren't more midwives who are confident enough to sit back and let the mother and baby birth together.

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#16 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 11:49 AM
 
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Well, I think we're all agreeing. I hope nobody takes too much offense or gets angry. I think there was just a misreading or a misunderstanding. I think we can all agree that working with a midwife to find the level of care you are both comfortable with is a-ok, even if that care involves a midwife simply standing by.

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#17 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 01:47 PM
 
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A midwife is supposed to be there to SERVE, in whatever capacity the mother wishes. Most midwives, however, no longer follow this traditional sense of midwifery but it should completely be up to the mother on what she does and doesn't want at her birth. Hiring a midwife to serve, is exactly what should be done, not hiring for checking FHT, dilation, spreading perineum, ect. IF that's what the mother wants, then that's fine. I'm just trying to get across that a hands-off midwife DOES NOT feel abused in any way as this is her true birth philosophy in the first place. I would be honored to have a client say to me "Wow, that was amazing. I didn't even notice you were there." I am not there to interfere, simply to help in whatever way the mother/father asks to help serve them in a safe way.

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Hiring the midwife only to observe your birth, "just in case" is an abuse of her skills. That's what I'm reading as what she said... but I could be wrong!
I hear this thing come up often on UC forums.

ETA
I should clarify: that's NOT having her do your prenatal care, or signing up for PC and not participating... only for the sole purpose of having her show up and sit in your driveway "just in case", and end up sending her home after hours of standing around.

I also hear "shadow care" as the PC but no birth thing as well, it tends to be a slang for multiple circumstances.

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#18 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 03:32 PM
 
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Just want to say, I realize that littleteapot probably didn't mean to be attacking me personally, or UCers in general, it just sounded that way at six in the morning. Pax?

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#19 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 03:48 PM
 
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Just want to say, I realize that littleteapot probably didn't mean to be attacking me personally, or UCers in general, it just sounded that way at six in the morning. Pax?
Uh, yeah... was totally confused and alarmed when I got your angry come back in my inbox this morning. No worries, just a misunderstanding. I was commenting on a concept, and then expanding to explain why I personally thought it was upsetting, not on anyone in particular.

ETA: Wait, what does "Pax" mean?

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#20 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 03:50 PM
 
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I am! It will be my 9th HB and 8th UC. Our last 7 were born UC.

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#21 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 05:53 PM
 
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ETA: Wait, what does "Pax" mean?
Latin for Peace. Traditional way to end disagreements.

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#22 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 05:57 PM
 
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I think Pax means "Peace" in Latin.

I had that wonderful kind of midwife and didn't know what a gift I had. As a first timer, even being extensively "book prepared", I really was not mentally prepared for birth, even though I thought I was. My midwife described her role as "holding my space" and kept a very hands off approach, sitting in the other room for most of my 36 hours of laboring in our 2 room apartment. She did do intermittent monitoring and occasionally offered gentle suggestions or support. She even tried to help me let go of my husband for two seconds reminding me that he can't do it for me and I needed to focus within myself instead of clinging to him like a drowning woman. Wow. Lots of memories coming back. I wish I was one of those strong woman laboring alone in her secret place, but I fought that too much to ever really get there. I have a lot to learn, and I hope to face my next birth with more readiness and more tools to go where I need to go so I don't end up needing medical intervention again. And my midwife is going with me again. I asked her if I could catch my own baby last time, and she told me that she would remind me when the time came. I didn't get to do that because some strange doctor did, but maybe next time. I would love to have my dream birth next time.

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#23 of 61 Old 10-07-2010, 10:59 PM
 
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Latin for Peace. Traditional way to end disagreements.
Oh okay! I figured it was something like that. I've never actually heard the term before.

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#24 of 61 Old 11-02-2010, 12:26 PM
 
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I'm bumping this thread because I'm seriously reconsidering a UC. I have conflicting feelings though. I admit, many of them are steeped in the fact that I was taught my whole life (whether intentionally or not) that women "need" medical assistance for birth.

My first was a home birth with a midwife, and I liked her okay, but I switched to her at 37 weeks and we didn't form that bond everyone talks about. Locally, people worship the ground she walks on which is odd since she's the one who gave me a formula bag and who was completely unavailable and disconnected during the postpartum period. Still, I had a pretty good home birth.

This time, I'm with another midwife, and I do really like her...but still...everything seems so, medicalized? Now, she is totally cool with me declining all the tests/internal exams and such, but I have to sign waivers and so on. I like her philosophy on childbirth, she says her services are rarely needed and women are created to birth and she is just there to provide support should it be needed. I really like that.

However, I still feel drawn to UC. For some reason I keep imagining this babe coming at night, when everyone is sleeping, with just me and him/her, peacefully without any one checking, or looking on, or asking if I'm okay, or whatever.

Of course, the other side of me who was raised in a very mainstream environment still has residual fears. You know, all the 'what if's'.

I know there was a bit of debate in the thread, but personally, I want a midwife to leave me be unless there is something I don't feel capable of handling . I think they are called to serve and while I respect that calling, let's not confuse who is actually laboring and having the baby. I think there's some ego that gets involved, which is the same issue I have with OBs -- that a woman can't possibly give birth unless they're facilitating the whole thing. I have seen midwives with this attitude (mine doesn't seem like that but who knows when it really comes down to it).


I really want to trust my body and the process, and on some levels I do (having had the home birth already)...So, I guess I'm just hashing this all out spiritually and logistically. My husband is not 'against' it so much as nervous about it. He was raised very mainstream too in that respect, and felt fine with the midwife (a "professional" as he calls it)...but is a bit freaked about a UC. However, I know if it comes down to it, he will support me (he is one in a million).

So, the UC is still something I keep coming back to over and over again.

Anyone else having these feelings?

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#25 of 61 Old 11-02-2010, 12:55 PM
 
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Yeah, I'm firmly on the fence. We uc'ed dd#2, mainly because we felt we had no other choice: stay home and uc, or go to the hospital for a c/s for my gigantic breech baby (gigantic ... yeah; breech ... not so much!).

I have additional medical issues now, or the choice would have already been made. I don't feel like I have access to all the information I need (and don't know where to get it ... surely not from the ob I'm currently seeing) concerning the true effects of my bG on the baby. I know I don't have to say this here, of all places, but of course my first priority is a healthy baby. But IME I just don't labor well in a hospital, with iv's and cervical checks and constant interruption. Let me hang out, doing my own thing in the bathtub or shower and I can get a baby out in a couple of hours! Put me in a hospital with all the interventions associated with a high-risk pregnancy and I'm good for a 30+ hour labor. Not cool. I'm SO confused and frustrated. TBH, if I'd known specifically what I was in for as a pregnant diabetic I'm not sure I'd have agreed to have another baby.

hippie.gif+reading.gif= Peanut (2004), Pumpkin (2007) and Butter Bean!! (2011)

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#26 of 61 Old 11-02-2010, 01:22 PM
 
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Are you type 2 or 1, or does that matter in pregnancy (I don't know much about it truthfully). Are you controlling it with meds or diet or both?

I hate the title 'high risk'. Talk about doing a number on the mama's mindspace. I wish they called it something like... special considerations pregnancy Something less... tragic sounding. I agree with laboring at home versus in a hospital. I would have done TERRIBLY in a hospital with my history of abuse coupled with my history with terrible medical treatment and fear/disdain of the general medical machine (though I know there are some wonderful individual HCPs).

Well, we can be on the fence together.

Grace-based wife & mama to 2 unschoolers! One & . We live simply & mindfully. Expecting another blessing Feb 2015 Praying for another
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#27 of 61 Old 11-02-2010, 01:42 PM
 
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I am on the fence as well and likely will be for a while yet. I am wanting a homebirth midwife but I have yet to sign on with her. The fire kind of messed up my timeline. As soon as we finish getting set up in our new place I will contact the midwife again and set up a meeting. Gotta be soon I'm thinking! I'm almost 10 weeks. We had a meeting scheduled before, then 2 days prior we had the fire. Anyway, if we don't click with that midwife for whatever reason, as she is pretty much the only homebirth option around here, I will be going to the hospital-based midwives for prenatal care and probably trying to convince my husband to stay home for the birth if things go well.

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#28 of 61 Old 11-02-2010, 01:54 PM
 
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I'm riding the fence on it only because I have to have someone to sign off on my FMLA paperwork so I get my check from Colonial (paying on it for over a year and finally ready to see it go to work for me and hopefully give me more time at home with this kidlet that I missed out on with my Daughter. ) If I could have that figured out without a midwifes intervention I'd be just fine. If I can't I do have a wonderful midwife I can use who has delivered my last two children. Only issue is her being OON with my insurance which cost us nearly half of her fees last time around, so I might look into the midwife owned/run really awesome Birth Center in the next town that is In-network.

-:¦:-♥Sarah Lynne♥-:¦:-Wife to Michael and Mommy to Austin(5), Steven(3), Tristyn(1), and Laurelyn (6/3/2011)

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#29 of 61 Old 11-02-2010, 02:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles View Post
Are you type 2 or 1, or does that matter in pregnancy (I don't know much about it truthfully). Are you controlling it with meds or diet or both?

I hate the title 'high risk'. Talk about doing a number on the mama's mindspace. I wish they called it something like... special considerations pregnancy Something less... tragic sounding. I agree with laboring at home versus in a hospital. I would have done TERRIBLY in a hospital with my history of abuse coupled with my history with terrible medical treatment and fear/disdain of the general medical machine (though I know there are some wonderful individual HCPs).

Well, we can be on the fence together.
LOL, I LOVE "special considerations" pregnancy!

I'm t2, controlled with oral meds/diet/exercise. My a1c is in the normal/non-diabetic range, but my fasting bG, as always, is high. Oral meds and strict diet have had very little effect on it over the last 10 months. The OB has given me a couple more weeks to get it to "normal" before we start tweeking my meds, and if that doesn't work he wants me on insulin, which I'm pretty sure would risk me completely out of a mw-attended homebirth. Leaving me, again, with the choice of an ob-attended hospital birth or an unassisted birth.

I'm kinda-sorta hoping for another precipitous (sp?) labor/birth ... dd#2's labor was 3 hours, start to finish. In that situation I don't THINK I'd have an issue going to the hospital afterwards for observation (me and/or the baby) ... I'm just dreading the IV and all the poking and prodding during actual labor.

Mommy2Austin, I hear ya on the FMLA paperwork. That was one big reason why I maintained shadow care with dd#2.

hippie.gif+reading.gif= Peanut (2004), Pumpkin (2007) and Butter Bean!! (2011)

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#30 of 61 Old 11-02-2010, 02:43 PM
 
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Edited for privacy concerns.


Grace-based wife & mama to 2 unschoolers! One & . We live simply & mindfully. Expecting another blessing Feb 2015 Praying for another
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