How can I love another baby as much as I love you?... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 18 Old 10-14-2010, 04:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, this is going to be our second baby. I have 7 nephews and did a big part in raising the majority of those. So when I was pregnant with my DD I didn't expect to have this overwhelming feeling of love and adoration towards her. Don't get me wrong, I always knew I'd love her and care for her but I am just not an overly emotional person and wasn't ready for the life and spirit altering feelings that came when I had her! I am obsessed with her So is my DH. And I have to say, that my only fear with this baby is.. "how am I ever going to love another baby as much as I love you?"...

I know everyone says.."you just do" and "you love every baby for who they are" and I get that. I suppose I am just worried about making both babies feel that love. Not even worried about jealousy from DD... she loves babies and gets excited when I babysit! My DH on the other hand keeps saying to her "Daddy will always love his baby the most" and while I know this isn't true, I'm still worried that others in the family will always show preference for DD. Maybe I am making this too much out of this and it's all the hormones But, has anyone else gone through this?

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#2 of 18 Old 10-14-2010, 04:39 PM
 
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I feel ya. A month ago, I found myself pregnant. Not unwanted or unplanned, but sooner than expected. I spent 3 days feeling super apprehensive, worried about the close age spacing, feeling like I was doing my son a disservice somehow and thinking "but THIS is my baby" about my son...like the newbie was some sort of intruder messing up our triad...and then, I miscarried. At that point, all those feelings disappeared. Somehow, we managed to conceive again and I've come to feel that this is a whole new kid who we will know and love just as much, but differently.

How old is your daughter?

EDIT: I realized I went off and took a shower and forgot to finish my thought. Anyway, what I left out was how surprised I was at how hard I took the miscarriage. Even if it was just hope and possibility and not a baby, my protective instinct and strong caring for it had already kicked in - I just didn't realize it yet.

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#3 of 18 Old 10-14-2010, 04:57 PM
 
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I did. DD#1 was soooo sweet, and soooo pretty, and soooo ... ... I did wonder how in the world I could ever love another child as much. Because she was just perfect and surely it wasn't possible to get TWO such loveable, wonderful kids. LOL I would never, ever have voiced that to anyone IRL, but it pretty much sums up how I felt.

But holy monkeys ... we DID get another one! They could not be more different if they had come from different universes, but it takes my breath away how much I love them. And now I'm all weepy. Stupid pregnancy hormones.

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#4 of 18 Old 10-14-2010, 05:21 PM
 
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Ya know, when I was pg with ds2, I had these feeling - "how can I possibly love another one so much?" And I asked MY mom and told her of my concerns. And she told me that, "You heart grows another part when you have a new baby." Your heart just grows and grows. It is so true - I still think about her telling me that, as I think about baby #3.

It is truly amazing the love we are capable of - the new love doesn't interfere at all with the love you have for your other little ones. Your heart just grows.

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#5 of 18 Old 10-14-2010, 05:22 PM
 
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I feel like this every. single. time.

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#6 of 18 Old 10-14-2010, 06:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not the only one! haha. My DD is 16 months and will be exactly two when this baby comes. I wanted to get pregnant and wanted another baby, but just didn't realize that I would start panicking that my time with DD alone is going to be over! I'm just so excited to see how much this new baby will add even more love to our family.... I just hope that my nervousness and anxiousness will go away!

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#7 of 18 Old 10-14-2010, 09:49 PM
 
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I remember a physical sensation of my heart expanding after my second baby was a week or so old.Really. Each person is a new person and loved on their own merrits.Complete love,each one.(this is our sixth baby,9th pregnancy.Each child has all their own love.)

:::
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#8 of 18 Old 10-15-2010, 04:51 AM
 
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This poem still makes me cry, but it is lovely and so true. It feels just like yesterday when my only became 2...and now, here I am pregnant with my 4th little one. Even though I know that something magical happens with each new baby...your heart literally grows, it's amazing...I still have the same feelings now.

Quote:
Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
-Author Unknown

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#9 of 18 Old 10-15-2010, 05:57 PM
 
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As soon as you said, "This poem still makes me cry" I started tearing up, just at the anticipation of it making me cry, too. Then I read it and started weeping. I worry about this every day. I love my little daughter SO much I can hardly stand it. I don't want anything to diminish our relationship. And it's true, I can't imagine anything/anyone so special that I could love them the way I love her...my mom just reassures me about how your heart just expands.

I've decided not to dwell on it too much and that I'll just have to trust her. I regret being so sick right now and not being able to enjoy every last drop of my alone time with DD. I can't wait to feel better again so I can really get down and play with her and start going to music class and the park again. I didn't know how emotional this would be for me!
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#10 of 18 Old 10-16-2010, 12:05 AM
 
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Cutie Patootie - What a powerful poem you've posted. My eyes are teary! I really believe that this is what happens, but I won't "get" it until I've been through it.

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#11 of 18 Old 10-16-2010, 04:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KindRedSpirit View Post
I remember a physical sensation of my heart expanding after my second baby was a week or so old.Really. Each person is a new person and loved on their own merrits.Complete love,each one.(this is our sixth baby,9th pregnancy.Each child has all their own love.)
Like the animation in the cartoon version of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, when his heart grows two sizes that day!
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#12 of 18 Old 10-16-2010, 08:45 PM
 
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I have totally been feeling this way. What a great poem! I will be stalking all threads relating to the transition to two. We haven't even told DS yet. I'm wanting to wait a bit and make sure all is well, but also trying to think of the best way to tell him. I need to get some books on this. I hear the Dr Sears one is good.

BFing, bedsharing, toddler wearing, non-circing, vegan mama to the sweetest boy in the world (2/08), wife to my spicy rock star (4/06) and expecting a new family member 6/11
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#13 of 18 Old 10-16-2010, 11:32 PM
 
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I feel very worried too. My second child was 13 when we adopted our 3 day old baby girl after 2 years of infertility so there was quite a gap between the first two and her. Needless to say they were so busy with the teen life and now are out of the house as adults and for the last 5.5 years we have completely spoiled and gave our undivided attention to my LO that we just naturally assumed would be our last due to infertility, and here we are with a surprise. I am over joyed to be preg. but worried my LO will feel second best or some how not the princess she is anymore if we have a girl. I think my feelings are compounded by the fact that she is adopted and full AA where the rest of us are CC. I am afraid she will feel awkward/alienated that the new baby is brown like her. She hasn't led on to these feelings, these are just my paranoias. She is fact is very excited and wants a little sister because she says boys are trouble

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#14 of 18 Old 10-16-2010, 11:58 PM
 
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Edited. 


Christ-centered loving wife & mama to 2 miracles! One & one . We live simply and mindfully. Expecting another blessing Feb 2015
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#15 of 18 Old 10-17-2010, 12:13 AM
 
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I remember thinking this too. It is possible. I think your heart grows....

I remember after having dd2 (homebirth), dd1 woke up came into our room and her eyes lit up and she said

LOOK MOM someone bringed us a baby!

I still LOVE that memory.....
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#16 of 18 Old 10-17-2010, 10:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks so much for the encouraging words! it really makes my mind rest a little easier...

Army Wife & SAHM hang.gif  to energy.gifDD 06/09 & belly.gif DS 06/11    cd.gifnovaxnocirc.gif
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#17 of 18 Old 10-17-2010, 12:58 PM
 
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Believe it or not, I'm having feelings kind of like this and I'm expecting my fourth! I have two amazing boys and one amazing little girl. I love them all dearly and have a special relationship (somehow different) with each of them. If this new little baby is a girl, I can't imagine how she could possibly be as adorable as my little girl. She's so strong, independent, beautiful, and charismatic! How can another little girl ever start to compare! I can't wait to find out!

Mom to 5 amazing kids! (DS8, DS7, DD4, DD2 and DS0)

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#18 of 18 Old 10-17-2010, 06:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth View Post
So, this is going to be our second baby. I have 7 nephews and did a big part in raising the majority of those. So when I was pregnant with my DD I didn't expect to have this overwhelming feeling of love and adoration towards her. Don't get me wrong, I always knew I'd love her and care for her but I am just not an overly emotional person and wasn't ready for the life and spirit altering feelings that came when I had her! I am obsessed with her So is my DH. And I have to say, that my only fear with this baby is.. "how am I ever going to love another baby as much as I love you?"...

I know everyone says.."you just do" and "you love every baby for who they are" and I get that. I suppose I am just worried about making both babies feel that love. Not even worried about jealousy from DD... she loves babies and gets excited when I babysit! My DH on the other hand keeps saying to her "Daddy will always love his baby the most" and while I know this isn't true, I'm still worried that others in the family will always show preference for DD. Maybe I am making this too much out of this and it's all the hormones But, has anyone else gone through this?
I went through it, I really wanted another baby but I wasnt sure I could love her as much as my first. Now that shes here and I have another on the way I am still feeling the same can I love them the same lol I know in the end I will sometimes it just takes time

My name is Lindsay I am a full time wife to Nick 10-21-08 and full time mommy to Cadence, Irie and Isis

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