June pregnancy after loss (PAL) mamas - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 75 Old 10-18-2010, 12:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
la mamita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: the dark side of the moon.
Posts: 2,146
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
who's with me?

just got pregnant, first cycle after an 8 week miscarriage. i'd had a chemical pregnancy as well a few years ago. this last loss was really hard...not physically, but emotionally. my partner and i'd started telling people and making plans for the baby and even told my son (5 yo).

this pregnancy, i really hope it sticks, but i know not to get too attached too soon.

plus i am very ambivalent about the whole thing, as what got me out of my depression was deciding to get a full-time job and make plans to move out of peru with my family. all of that will still be possible with a baby on the way (DP will be the SAHP), but i definitely feel more pressure to start a job and get the visa stuff done and get settled in a new place ASAP.

even saying all that though, i know there is a HOPE for a baby at the end of all this, and i can't help but feel joy at that thought.

let's chat.

raising my two sunshine children.

la mamita is offline  
#2 of 75 Old 10-18-2010, 12:58 PM
 
painefaria's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: On the road again
Posts: 1,191
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was thinking about starting this thread today.

My name is Sarah and I have had two hard losses this year, one at 11w5d and 10w5d. So I have a few weeks before I will be feeling comfortable with this pregnancy. I am feeling pretty terrible (which is somewhat of a relief) but I am not really going to be relaxed until 11/28 which is 13w.

S & Yrainbow1284.gif (Vermont Civil Union 7/8/03) DS1 Holdennovaxnocirc.gif (4/25/07) and two in heaven  angel.gif1/10 &  angel.gif5/10 our rainbow1284.gif is here  DS2 Keegan(5/23/11)homebirth.jpg
 
 
 
  

painefaria is offline  
#3 of 75 Old 10-18-2010, 01:27 PM
 
javilu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 1,761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
I had an early loss in September. I'm not yet ready to add myself to the Roster, but I will officially join you all here.

SAH dissertating mama femalesling.GIF to my sweet little boy (2/2009)
and his rainbow1284.gif baby brother (7/2011)
javilu is online now  
#4 of 75 Old 10-18-2010, 08:31 PM
 
BHappy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: the beautiful Santa Cruz mountains
Posts: 999
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hi lovelies, i'll join you. i'm karen.

i miscarried at 12 weeks about a year and a half ago. it was a missed miscarriage. the baby probably stopped developing around 8 weeks.

to all

~Karenchicken3.gifso happy to be mothering my four... DS ('94), DS ('94), DD ('00), and DS -- June 8, 2011, our UC baby!

BHappy is offline  
#5 of 75 Old 10-18-2010, 10:08 PM
 
swimming-duck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 663
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Hello. I had a m/c in January 2009. It's taken a lot of emotional processing for me to move past it. We are so happy to be expecting again, but I do not have the ignorantly blissful attitude that I had with my first pregnancy, which resulted in DS. I want to be happy, buy baby clothes, look for maternity stuff, etc...But right now I'm just nervous.

Crystal (34) married to LPN DH (38) , mama to (7/07), (1/09), and (7/11) and (12/28)
swimming-duck is offline  
#6 of 75 Old 10-18-2010, 11:56 PM
 
jcwmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: SW Virginia
Posts: 41
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi ladies,
Can I say 'ditto' to everything you've already said! I had a missed m/c October '09 at 10 weeks- baby stopped developing around 7 weeks. Had an early m/c this past June at 7 weeks. Back trying again but still haven't officially joined the club and added name to the roster. I can't believe how carefree I was in my first pregnancy, which thankfully resulted in DS, who is a perfect 3 year old now. I was already thinking about names and baby clothes at 6 weeks the first time around and now I'm just trying to make it though every day. I'm glad I got to experience that, though. Here's hoping for sticky beans for all PAL mamas! Thanks for starting this thread.

Mama to one sweet monkey born 07/07 and one perfect mouse born 04/12.

jcwmama is offline  
#7 of 75 Old 10-19-2010, 12:02 AM
 
javilu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 1,761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
annnnnd, i'm out. best to all of you!!

SAH dissertating mama femalesling.GIF to my sweet little boy (2/2009)
and his rainbow1284.gif baby brother (7/2011)
javilu is online now  
#8 of 75 Old 10-19-2010, 12:24 AM
 
swimming-duck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 663
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
puffnstuff - I'm so sorry.

Crystal (34) married to LPN DH (38) , mama to (7/07), (1/09), and (7/11) and (12/28)
swimming-duck is offline  
#9 of 75 Old 10-19-2010, 09:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
la mamita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: the dark side of the moon.
Posts: 2,146
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
puffnstuff: so sorry, take care of yourself

raising my two sunshine children.

la mamita is offline  
#10 of 75 Old 10-19-2010, 09:47 AM
 
painefaria's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: On the road again
Posts: 1,191
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
PuffnStuff

S & Yrainbow1284.gif (Vermont Civil Union 7/8/03) DS1 Holdennovaxnocirc.gif (4/25/07) and two in heaven  angel.gif1/10 &  angel.gif5/10 our rainbow1284.gif is here  DS2 Keegan(5/23/11)homebirth.jpg
 
 
 
  

painefaria is offline  
#11 of 75 Old 10-19-2010, 03:51 PM
 
MrsHin2002's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 143
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi All,

Just looking for some reassurance. I had an ultrasound today at 7w4d and the fetus measured at only 6w?d and the dr was not hopeful about the viability, though he said there's still a chance. We couldn't see a heartbeat. My hcg level on Friday (at 7 weeks) was 15000, I won't have a repeat level done until Monday (I'm away the rest of this week) and have another u/s booked for next Thurs.

Anyone have any good news stories to share about scenarios like this that turned out to be ok? I just don't know how to feel at this point. I'm back at work (going away tomorrow at lunch so there's lots to do) but partly want to go home and cry. But then it's not over yet... no physical symptoms, no spotting or cramping or anything.

Anyhow -- just had to share. Hugs to everyone on this tricky journey.

Karen

Karen (39), DH (40), DS (7/7/07), with three m/c (11/05, 10/09, 11/10), BFP for mid-November -- keeping fingers crossed!!
MrsHin2002 is offline  
#12 of 75 Old 10-19-2010, 04:13 PM
 
littleteapot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Mystery Island
Posts: 3,321
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
4 m/cs and a full term loss (not still birth, he died shortly after birth) here. The miscarriages don't really bother me anymore, I suppose my son's death overshadowed it quite a bit... I feel like pregnancy is a jaded, cynical experience for me now. I can no longer feel fun-loving and innocent; my trust has been seriously damaged, and I spend the entire time wondering if this is going to turn out with a healthy baby at the end. I'm having a really hard time bonding to this pregnancy and feeling like it's real; I'm keeping it at a distance. I'm 9w now and I still check for blood every time I go to the bathroom, like I'm just waiting on pins and needles for it to be over before it starts.

photosmile2.gifBabs + trekkie.gifCurtis - Parents of Tempest blahblah.gif(08/07/03 autismribbon.gif), Jericho angel2.gif(11/01/05 ribboncesarean.gif), Xan moon.gif(10/03/06 uc.jpghbac.gif), Zephyra baby.gif(06/02/11 hbac.gif). mdcblog5.gif @ babyslime.livejournal.com

littleteapot is offline  
#13 of 75 Old 10-19-2010, 04:18 PM
 
swimming-duck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 663
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
littleteapot - It seems really unfair that some women must suffer so much loss.

Well, I haven't even joined the roster yet. How's that for being pessimistic. And yes, I also check for spotting every time I use the bathroom. Personality wise I'm a very optimistic person normally. So it's weird having this sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

As it is, I really want to try to enjoy this pregnancy. Regardless of the outcome, this is a life and I really do want to celebrate that fact. I do feel better knowing that I'm on progesterone this time around and that gives me hope.

Crystal (34) married to LPN DH (38) , mama to (7/07), (1/09), and (7/11) and (12/28)
swimming-duck is offline  
#14 of 75 Old 10-19-2010, 04:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
la mamita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: the dark side of the moon.
Posts: 2,146
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
MrsHin2002: I don't know much about early ultrasounds. Could you possibly be off in your dates? Had a late ovulation? Your HCG levels look good according to this website (http://www.fertilinet.com/hcg_%20lev...0pregnancy.htm) but I really haven't had much early prenatal care despite losses, so perhaps someone else can give more advice.

littleteapot: welcome. i love your kids' names, so gorgeous.

it's so hard, not knowing whether or not to get excited, whether to share the news, whether to start making plans, talking about baby names, etc...i have read on other PAL threads "it never hurts to hope" and i don't know if the post-loss depression would have been less had i not attached to the pregnancy, perhaps it would have been even stronger. but i think all PAL mamas end up knowing that nothing is safe, nothing is secure, not all pregnancies end perfectly, and that hurts to learn.

raising my two sunshine children.

la mamita is offline  
#15 of 75 Old 10-19-2010, 05:29 PM
 
GolfAddict's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Dallas/Fort Worth
Posts: 218
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hey guys!!

I had a mc at 11w5d in March. Although the heart had stopped around 8w3d.

How I wish I could go back to being so naive to think that every pregnancy resulted in a live baby at the end!! I really hope that this 1st trimester goes fast and I can enjoy the rest of the pg without overanalyzing every little feeling. I am feeling a lot different time around. So I'm hoping that's a good sign.

I have my first US tomorrow at 7w6d. Could use some prayers and finger crossing...if you have some to spare.

Originally, DH said he couldn't go to the appt with me because he didn't think he could handle another bad US. Some days I was mad and thought he should just suck it up and deal with it. And then there are days that I understand that people deal with things differently. But I asked him again last week, just so I could give someone else a week's notice of the appt (because I sure didn't want to go alone) and he said he would. But I think he is still scared. He told me this weekend that he will die if we get bad news.

Me 32, DH 33,  angel.gif (3/17/10),  DD 6/6/11
GolfAddict is offline  
#16 of 75 Old 10-19-2010, 05:33 PM
 
painefaria's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: On the road again
Posts: 1,191
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by GolfAddict View Post

Originally, DH said he couldn't go to the appt with me because he didn't think he could handle another bad US. Some days I was mad and thought he should just suck it up and deal with it. And then there are days that I understand that people deal with things differently. But I asked him again last week, just so I could give someone else a week's notice of the appt (because I sure didn't want to go alone) and he said he would. But I think he is still scared. He told me this weekend that he will die if we get bad news.
I hear you about getting bad news. I really want to go to a U/S appointment and leave smiling for once. and to you for your appointment.

S & Yrainbow1284.gif (Vermont Civil Union 7/8/03) DS1 Holdennovaxnocirc.gif (4/25/07) and two in heaven  angel.gif1/10 &  angel.gif5/10 our rainbow1284.gif is here  DS2 Keegan(5/23/11)homebirth.jpg
 
 
 
  

painefaria is offline  
#17 of 75 Old 10-19-2010, 10:52 PM
 
trini's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: mommy heaven
Posts: 2,076
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This feels like the right place for me. Had a missed m/c back in 2002, my son was stillborn at 38 weeks in 2003, my 2nd son was born in 2005 (and is now FIVE years old!), and I just had a m/c at 7 weeks in July.

We deal with IF on top of the loss, so it always feels like a double whammy. The little babe we lost in July was the result of 3 1/2 years of ttc. Therefore, it was quite a shock to conceive again so quickly (with the aid of fertility drugs).

I am in the very early stages here. Had a beta blood test last Thursday that came back with a result of 12. Monday's blood test was 133. I'll be on progesterone and Lovenox.

With every little twinge down there, I think I'm bleeding. I am very nervous, but trying to remain very hopeful. I very much live in the moment. RIGHT NOW I am pregnant.

Here is to some very much loved June babies.

Proud mom to superhero.gifds2 (7/05), angel2.gif ds 1 (born into heaven at 38 weeks 11/03), and 5 more angels angel.gif (4/02) angel.gif (7/10) angel.gifangel.gif (11/10) angel.gif (11/12)

trini is offline  
#18 of 75 Old 10-20-2010, 12:45 AM
 
swimming-duck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 663
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Hi trini. I'm so sorry to hear about all of the loss that you've experienced. I hope this is a sticky baby for you.

So I've been POASing pretty much since I found out I was pregnant because I like seeing the HCG line get a tad darker each day. It gives me just a bit of reassurance and that makes me feel happy. Is that a little OCD? What do you think? Anyone else?

Crystal (34) married to LPN DH (38) , mama to (7/07), (1/09), and (7/11) and (12/28)
swimming-duck is offline  
#19 of 75 Old 10-20-2010, 01:04 AM
 
OrangeMoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 374
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I lost my May baby, and here I am pregnant with a June bug. I felt a very distinctive soul with my May baby and really miss her. It makes me sad to think about. I know we will be reunited one day though.

I am really happy to have gotten pregnant on the first cycle after just because I feel like it really would have weighed on me until I did. So here I am, very happy to be having a june bug.

Claire, book reading, tree loving, coffee drinking wife to K, and happy SAHM to ds G Feb '09 home birth, dd C ~ free birthed June '11, and now a new lil surprise due October 2012 joy.gif

OrangeMoon is offline  
#20 of 75 Old 10-20-2010, 01:18 PM
 
sara125's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 146
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, so many courageous ladies here!

I feel like a total newbie. My m/c was 11w3d in June. It was more frustrating (and painful) than sad. I had been bleeding on and off since 4w and even though I had a great u/s at 5w2d, the midwife couldn't find a heartbeat at my 10w apt and I had very little hope.

I'm 8w today and haven't bled or spotted at all. I also feel a lot different, but maybe that's psychological. I still carry a spare pair of underwear and a giant pad in my purse wherever I go...just in case.

Best of luck to you all! I hope they all stick!!!

Joyfully married to my luv (6/7/09) blowkiss.gif / Early loss at 11w3d w/ Minerva (6/23/10) angel1.gif / Beautiful breech homebirth.jpg w/ Aurora Jan (5/29/11) / Due with our son in April 2014
sara125 is offline  
#21 of 75 Old 10-20-2010, 05:20 PM
 
painefaria's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: On the road again
Posts: 1,191
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by GolfAddict View Post
Hey guys!!


I have my first US tomorrow at 7w6d. Could use some prayers and finger crossing...if you have some to spare.
Any news yet??

S & Yrainbow1284.gif (Vermont Civil Union 7/8/03) DS1 Holdennovaxnocirc.gif (4/25/07) and two in heaven  angel.gif1/10 &  angel.gif5/10 our rainbow1284.gif is here  DS2 Keegan(5/23/11)homebirth.jpg
 
 
 
  

painefaria is offline  
#22 of 75 Old 10-20-2010, 06:41 PM
 
KindRedSpirit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: in a cascade of embraces
Posts: 1,788
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Joining.My last mc (of 3) was last June,I had just announced,as I was 10 + weeks.Fetus looked to be 6-8 weeks old.Here I'm expecting a full term babe on the anniversary.Deep breath.I had a very strong spiritual connection to my last loss,but "he" has comforted me and we have an understanding.Psycotic or not, it works for me.

Half of me thinks I could be in the midst of a miscarriage right now.Last week a weight was lifted from me about this baby.It could be the baby's life or it could be that I now personally accept this new life.The other half of me swears I felt movement 3 times today.I can't belive either 100%.I have only shared this info here and with my husband.I am having a hard time connecting with this baby, but I always do after a loss.I keep thinking this baby will have a defect of some sort.Not sure where that plays in.It's nice to have a place to voice these things without it having to bear on my outward daily reality yet.It of course, encompasses my entire inner reality.

Hugs and love to all and our children here and beyond.

:::
KindRedSpirit is offline  
#23 of 75 Old 10-21-2010, 02:08 PM
 
GolfAddict's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Dallas/Fort Worth
Posts: 218
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by painefaria View Post
Any news yet??
Everything was great!! Thanks for asking.

We saw our little blob. Although, I was 7w6d it only measured 7w0d. But my MW had no issues with that. And DH and I noticed it seemed difficult for the tech to find a good definitive edge to mark.

And the HB was 153 bpm!!

I did ask for another u/s at next appt. This is a new MW and I let her know if we had this u/s last time everything would have shown fine then. So I would like to have another one before we starting telling people. She said we will definitely listen with the doppler and can do an u/s if we want. She scheduled me to come back in 3 wks rather than the standard 4 wks. I think she could see the fear on my face.

Me 32, DH 33,  angel.gif (3/17/10),  DD 6/6/11
GolfAddict is offline  
#24 of 75 Old 10-21-2010, 03:29 PM
 
OrangeMoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 374
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or because the loss was recent, but every time I read this thread I think about my May baby and tear up. My oh my. Anyway, I think a loss definitely affects ones feelings around the subsequent pregnancy. My May baby was my first loss and I was completely blind sided by it, I never pictured it happening to me so the possibility never crossed my mind, or if it did, very rarely. So now that it has happened to me, I think I feel like, well, it could happen again. So there isn't that blind, it will never be me faith keeping me not worried about it anymore. I don't know, I guess that's gone for good. It did happen to me, and it was heartbreaking - I think it's totally normal and makes sense to fear/worry about losing your baby again. Or, you don't want to get 1,000% excited about it the new pregnancy until a bit later in the hopes of if a loss does happen, it will not hurt as much maybe? Hopefully I'm not a downer on this thread, still processing things I guess. Both my husband and my Mom are holding out on being super super excited about this one because of what happened. And this morning I said to DH, "Wow, I'm a little over 5 weeks, it's lasted a week longer than last time". There are a lot of comparisons between this pregnancy and the last. Kind of debating whether or not to post this, oh well here goes.

Claire, book reading, tree loving, coffee drinking wife to K, and happy SAHM to ds G Feb '09 home birth, dd C ~ free birthed June '11, and now a new lil surprise due October 2012 joy.gif

OrangeMoon is offline  
#25 of 75 Old 10-21-2010, 06:28 PM
 
trini's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: mommy heaven
Posts: 2,076
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Claire, I'm glad you posted. It's true.

I have a bit of a different perspective, because I had a son stillborn at 38 weeks. With my subsequent pregnancy (which resulted in a healthy, living child), I knew I'd never pass the "safe" point until he was in my arms. When people talk about telling at 12 weeks or 13 weeks, I just can't relate.

With my son who died, all I had was his pregnancy. I am sooo glad I was excited and enjoyed every minute. At least I had those memories to hang on to. When I got pg again I decided I was going to celebrate every moment because we don't know how many moments we are going to have.

With this most recent pregnancy, of course I'm nervous. I don't think I'm even 4 weeks yet. My last m/c was at 7 weeks. We had even seen a heartbeat and the baby appeared to be developing well. Yet, still, even at this early stage, I am going to celebrate. I have only known for TWO DAYS that I'm pg, but I have told so many people, because I want people celebrating with me. I know these are the same people who will grieve with me and support me if I have to face another loss.

The way I look at it, a loss is going to be horribly sad whether we allowed ourselves to celebrate or not.

I feel like my post was scattered. Sorry.

ALL of our feelings are valid.

Proud mom to superhero.gifds2 (7/05), angel2.gif ds 1 (born into heaven at 38 weeks 11/03), and 5 more angels angel.gif (4/02) angel.gif (7/10) angel.gifangel.gif (11/10) angel.gif (11/12)

trini is offline  
#26 of 75 Old 10-21-2010, 11:01 PM
 
BHappy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: the beautiful Santa Cruz mountains
Posts: 999
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Claire and trini, I loved reading your posts. Thank you for sharing where you are. Trini, thank you so much for your perspective on gratitude.





xo

~Karenchicken3.gifso happy to be mothering my four... DS ('94), DS ('94), DD ('00), and DS -- June 8, 2011, our UC baby!

BHappy is offline  
#27 of 75 Old 10-22-2010, 12:14 AM
 
OrangeMoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 374
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What a refreshing perspective, thanks for sharing this. I totally understand what you're saying. Sometimes I have a hard time typing these things out in a way that is accurate to how I actually feel because it's all so complex and there are so many layers, hopefully I didn't sound like my response was how it is for everyone. I don't know if it's this pregnancy or astrologically related but I have had a really awful week in the communication house, lol. I totally hear what you're saying, and it's a great reminder for me. Celebrating what you have while you have it, because who knows what's next. It's a life lesson for sure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by trini View Post
Claire, I'm glad you posted. It's true.

I have a bit of a different perspective, because I had a son stillborn at 38 weeks. With my subsequent pregnancy (which resulted in a healthy, living child), I knew I'd never pass the "safe" point until he was in my arms. When people talk about telling at 12 weeks or 13 weeks, I just can't relate.

With my son who died, all I had was his pregnancy. I am sooo glad I was excited and enjoyed every minute. At least I had those memories to hang on to. When I got pg again I decided I was going to celebrate every moment because we don't know how many moments we are going to have.

With this most recent pregnancy, of course I'm nervous. I don't think I'm even 4 weeks yet. My last m/c was at 7 weeks. We had even seen a heartbeat and the baby appeared to be developing well. Yet, still, even at this early stage, I am going to celebrate. I have only known for TWO DAYS that I'm pg, but I have told so many people, because I want people celebrating with me. I know these are the same people who will grieve with me and support me if I have to face another loss.

The way I look at it, a loss is going to be horribly sad whether we allowed ourselves to celebrate or not.

I feel like my post was scattered. Sorry.

ALL of our feelings are valid.

Claire, book reading, tree loving, coffee drinking wife to K, and happy SAHM to ds G Feb '09 home birth, dd C ~ free birthed June '11, and now a new lil surprise due October 2012 joy.gif

OrangeMoon is offline  
#28 of 75 Old 10-22-2010, 10:20 PM
 
seafox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 687
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by OrangeMoon View Post
What a refreshing perspective, thanks for sharing this. I totally understand what you're saying. Sometimes I have a hard time typing these things out in a way that is accurate to how I actually feel because it's all so complex and there are so many layers, hopefully I didn't sound like my response was how it is for everyone. I don't know if it's this pregnancy or astrologically related but I have had a really awful week in the communication house, lol. I totally hear what you're saying, and it's a great reminder for me. Celebrating what you have while you have it, because who knows what's next. It's a life lesson for sure.
due date club crashing a bit (I'm late May though, and might end up in June! Z was two weeks late) but a) wanted to say hi to Claire and b) I am also super conflicted about who to tell/who not to tell after suffering a loss, my first pregnancy though. Mine completely blindsided me since it was a missed m/c, and I didn't find out until 12 weeks (at an u/s, which sucked!)

I had trouble telling folks when I was pregnant with Z (family especially) since I didn't necessarily want them to later grieve with me - they wouldn't respond how I needed them to, maybe, or they are friends who can congratulate me on a pregnancy but not friends I'd turn to with a feeling of loss. I find many don't quite know how to relate to a loss that early. Even I am not always sure how I felt about it. So I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant w/ Z until about 16 weeks, which is pretty late! (family) and then work/friends not until 20 weeks.

This time for some reason I slipped and told a casual friend, who told a bunch of folks (we all play frisbee at work together) which is weird since my family doesn't know! I'm hoping its moot and things go okay, but I do wish I had told him to keep it under wraps.

But I am a bit less afraid to tell people about a m/c, maybe because I've had a child now so I know its possible; maybe because I've had a m/c and I know I can cope. I also feel like I'm a bit hardened I guess and telling folks about a m/c will be easier since ill be less emotional than I was the first time - its expected now, not a shock, etc. This is not necessarily a good thing though I keep myself from getting attached, or even thinking ahead and making plans until 12 weeks it seems. And like trini said, its no guarantee, so its kind of silly to do! But its an artificial barrier for me I suppose.

mom to z (June 2009) and m (may 2011)

seafox is offline  
#29 of 75 Old 10-22-2010, 11:43 PM
 
Kelilah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 293
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This thread was good to read. I suffered a miscarriage at 7 weeks last year (I was due in June then, too) and that was my first pregnancy. This time around I'm enjoying pregnancy more, despite the increased symptoms - I never felt sick last time - but I've definitely lost my innocence.

I've told most of my friends and my husband told his family, but I haven't told my family yet because having to talk to them about the miscarriage last time was the worst part of it. I decided to wait until I was past the 12-week mark before telling them... but y'all are right, a loss could happen at any time.

I keep saying I'll breathe easier once I'm 8 weeks, once I hear the heartbeat, once I pass 12 weeks, once I feel movement, once I see an ultrasound... but really, I doubt I'll really let go of that worry, ever. Even after the baby is born, horrible things do happen and I'm a worrier! All I can do is my best, and hope I don't wind up being overprotective.
Kelilah is offline  
#30 of 75 Old 10-23-2010, 12:28 AM
 
OrangeMoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 374
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh my gosh, huge congratulations Alicia, and sticky vibes to you too!!! When you posted on my fsot thread, I ended my response with the question "So when is it going to be your turn, huh, huh, huh?". But I didn't want to pry so I deleted it, lol. Wow, how exciting! G decided to come like three and a half weeks early so maybe we'll end up being around the same time. Who knows with these things.
Anyway, yeah, I told basically whoever I was around with my last because I really didn't expect anything like what happened to happen, and having to tell people after I lost it/her, really, really, really, really sucked. So I have told only a few people about this one as of now. Even though I'm just trying to tell myself, it happened to me last time, so now this is my time for this one to stick, lol.
Wow, that's really amazing you didn't tell anyone for that long!
I think because this is going to be/is a UP/UC I feel pretty just day by day I guess. Like there is no waiting for the day when I can hear the heartbeat and then I'll relax. So I'm just trying to chill and hope for the best all the time I guess.

Quote:
Originally Posted by seafox View Post
due date club crashing a bit (I'm late May though, and might end up in June! Z was two weeks late) but a) wanted to say hi to Claire and b) I am also super conflicted about who to tell/who not to tell after suffering a loss, my first pregnancy though. Mine completely blindsided me since it was a missed m/c, and I didn't find out until 12 weeks (at an u/s, which sucked!)

I had trouble telling folks when I was pregnant with Z (family especially) since I didn't necessarily want them to later grieve with me - they wouldn't respond how I needed them to, maybe, or they are friends who can congratulate me on a pregnancy but not friends I'd turn to with a feeling of loss. I find many don't quite know how to relate to a loss that early. Even I am not always sure how I felt about it. So I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant w/ Z until about 16 weeks, which is pretty late! (family) and then work/friends not until 20 weeks.

This time for some reason I slipped and told a casual friend, who told a bunch of folks (we all play frisbee at work together) which is weird since my family doesn't know! I'm hoping its moot and things go okay, but I do wish I had told him to keep it under wraps.

But I am a bit less afraid to tell people about a m/c, maybe because I've had a child now so I know its possible; maybe because I've had a m/c and I know I can cope. I also feel like I'm a bit hardened I guess and telling folks about a m/c will be easier since ill be less emotional than I was the first time - its expected now, not a shock, etc. This is not necessarily a good thing though I keep myself from getting attached, or even thinking ahead and making plans until 12 weeks it seems. And like trini said, its no guarantee, so its kind of silly to do! But its an artificial barrier for me I suppose.

Claire, book reading, tree loving, coffee drinking wife to K, and happy SAHM to ds G Feb '09 home birth, dd C ~ free birthed June '11, and now a new lil surprise due October 2012 joy.gif

OrangeMoon is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off