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Why is the fear creeping in NOW?

591 views 6 replies 6 participants last post by  jshannyn519 
#1 ·
So any mama who has had natural childbirth, heck, any childbirth, knows that it hurts. However, it's the easiest forgotten pain there is. Otherwise, we would only have one, lol.

by the time I was due with all my others, I was just so tired of being pregnant that I was like, "Bring on the pain!" and didn't care. I would also forget how much it hurt until that first really stong active labor contraction reminded me. Then, I might ask myself, why I was in such a hurry, lol.

However, something weird is going on with me this time I just noticed. Everytime I have gotten really crampy (from a virus that gave me horrible tummy trouble and diarreah) or today having the pains I am having, I get a little tense and remember how bad it hurt last time (it was a very intense 2.5 hour labor so yeah, it hurt, lol) and I get a little nervous and wonder if I am really ready.

Its so weird because I have always forgotten the exact insensity of it though we never forget it intense, and just welcomed it. Now, I am kinda antsy and the thought of it kinda scares me a little which I know isnt crazy itself but just new to me personally. You would think by #6 I would be cool, weird that just now is when I am nervous. I wasn't even scared about the pain with #1 so why now?

Upon the slightest hint of the pain of contractions, I remember how it hit me so hard and fast last time. Within 15 mins of the first couple contractions I was unable to walk, then soon, unable to speak and thank goodness I wasn't alone and DH was there because I couldn't do anything at all! He had to do the pool (I don't recall much of anything it was such a blur as I was in labor land reallly quickly) I think now since DH is back to work vacation is over, and he works afternoons and dont get home till really late, there is a good chance it will start while he is at work and will take 1 hour for him to get home. If it hits me that hard and fast again, what in the world would I do this time having a toddler to watch all by myself? I keep telling myself these things work themselves out and it could just as easily happen middle of the night when he is home or his days off. Mainly though, its the pain that is scaring me and I am not sure why since fear of pain is so new to me as I deal with it alot anyway.

Any tips on letting go of this and focusing on the possibility that this labor may be totally different from last and not be as intense (trying not to use the word painful anymore, lol) then I welcome the advise. Has anyone else dealt with these fears as you got to the end?
 
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#2 ·
I am so close to what you are feeling. I noticed a week or so ago that everytime I had a contraction I would tense up and make it worse. I really had to start (and remember to continue) to practice positive affirmations about birth and the 'rushes' and the like. I have been rereading Spirtual Midwifery too. That always helps me to deal if I can think of really fun stories. My way to deal is to mediate to. I am not a yogi by any means, but I sit and try to focus on the process and what I envision happening rather then the pain that I remember from before. Hopefully it works;)
 
#3 ·
I'm am so with you. I'm starting to think the more babies you have the more you start to remember it. LOL This is #4 for me and with #3, I literally had *no* warning whatsoever of labor coming on. I woke up in transition and had my baby 30 minutes later. I keep saying, that's how I want this one to come, but I am scared to death of the pain this time around. I specifically remember praying loudly not to die right before he came out.

Sorry, I guess I'm no help.
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I know what you are feeling though. This is also the first pregnancy where I have had random contractions and it's no fun.
 
#4 ·
Ya know, as intense as it was last time and how "checked out" I was, I managed it pretty well. I didn't even realize until I saw the video that I barely made a single sound until he popped out and then it was "Oh my gosh its over thank you God!!!" hahaha. I was incredibly focused and feel I managed (better after the midwife was there though all she did was hold my hand during each contraction and that was all I required). Also, when I think about it, labors are usually more intense the shorter they are. So, if it would be that intense, I wouldn't have to be in it for long and if it ended up being longer, good chance it wouldn't be as intense and would be more manageable than last time. I suppose that even though I have grown to appreciate my very short but intense labors, they can leave you completely overwhelmed but only for a little while though.

Remembering what got me through it last time is helping now that I think about it. I took it one contraction at a time. I never thought about the clock (though I didnt really have time to) and just focused all of my energy into relaxing my entire body instead of fighting against it (a new technique I hadn't employed before last time and it worked so much better, when I tensed up, they hurt so much worse than just letting go). That really got me through because with each one, I was so keenly aware of the changes in how they felt as time passed and knew it was happening very quickly and it wouldn't be long.

I specifically remember getting to that part I always get to at about 9cm where you start feeling pushy with each contraction. Not quite the body bearing down without you but just little grunty pushes with each one to relieve the pressure and wow does that pressure get intense!!! Then within two contractions of that I am all out pushing it seems, not even trying but can't hold it back, like swimming against a currrent stronger than you, you can try but its no use, you just gotta push.

Reliving it, all of it, and not just the pain part, helps now that I think about it. I just pray against back labor. I have never had it really (just a touch for about 30 mins or so with #4 while he rotated to anterior) but everything this time just seems harder and it wouldn't shock me if I had it this time around. I am pretty sure I just jinxed myself anyway by typing that, lol.

I agree that the more you have, probably the more of the actual feel of labor you remember. Its easy to forget since its something we dont do every day and a lot of women only do it once, twice, three times. Where are 5 or more times, you become more and more familiar with it and its not as easily forgotten, lol.

Darn me and my supernatural fertility!!!

I think I will have to do some positive affirmations and just positive thinking in general and trust my body. Who says I can't have one of those rare, crazy, painless births? Ha, probably not but Ill keep telling myself that I might, haha.
 
#5 ·
I am getting fearful, too. I had a 50 h labor w/ 5 hours of pushing with my first (persistent posterior positioning), and I was terrified it would happen with my second.

So that time, I did everything I could to prevent another bad position--posture, exercises, chiropractic, etc.--and it worked! Baby was OA and came flying out in an "intense" labor (which, despite being terrifying in its own way--MW didn't make it in time, etc.--I would pick over the first labor).

This time, I've been much less able to focus on positioning (we bought a house and moved Saturday, and I already have two LOs to chase around), and lo and behold, baby is posterior again! Also, DH and I have had NO opportunity to review our Bradley lessons or practice relaxation techniques or do exercises or anything. So now I'm super scared of another long, miserable labor--except I'm so exhausted already from having two little ones and moving last week that I'm not so sure I could gut it out like I did the first time (when I had two weeks to rest and nap prior to birth and had exercised more during pregnancy and Bradley was fresh, etc.). Every once in a while the thought creeps in: what if I end up transferring or, worse, end up with a C-section because I just can't handle a 50 hour labor with this posterior baby?!?

What helps is that I just keep reminding myself that every labor is so different that I could be worried about one thing and end up having a totally different challenge. I never predicted the specifics of my first two labors, so why think I could do it now? Also, I keep trying to visualize the labor from start to finish and just picture things going beautifully and peacefully and that calms me, too.
 
#6 ·
I still remember the intensity of all my labours, nothing forgotten there.

I definitely have moments of fear and feeling like I cannot do this, I won't be able to cope, why don't I just go to the hospital and get an epidural. But that's not really what I want. The self doubt usually comes when I'm otherwise not feeling well or sleeping well or in general not coping well. I happen to know and believe that not only CAN I do it but I AM doing it. Realistically, my son will be born from me so I can fight it or else face it with as much joy, knowledge, dignity and loving vulnerability that I can.

Last night I slept two hours and when I felt the self doubt I thought of birthing my 19mo - the closeness and bonding I felt during labour, the delicious feeling of holding her freshborn body against me. I chose not to focus on the things that don't help me aside from having passed through them and doing so beautifully. Or not. But I came out the other side regardless. Also, the positivity of Hypnobabies doesn't hurt.
 
#7 ·
I'm VBACing so my fears are not so much of the pain of labor, but that something will happen and I won't get to labor. So when I feel the contractions, even the super intense ones, in my head I'm saying, "Yes!!! Make it hurt! Make something happen already!!" The fear and pain and terror and pure awfulness of my c/s were just so terrible that anything that comes after that is a piece of cake.

Although, I have had a couple of moments where I thought, "OhmyGod I really am going to have to do that again? What was I thinking?"
 
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