Still haven't let go of my homebirth - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 10 Old 06-03-2011, 04:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'll be 38 weeks on Sunday.  2 of my babies came 10 days early and the other on their due date.  My 1st was a train-wreck hospital birth, 56 hours of labor and just eeked out of a c/s.  My 2nd was a hb and came at 3.5 hours of labor, and my last came in 30 minutes...maybe 45 at most, planned hb, but ended up a uc. 

This time around, because of my hbp, the new midwives(I moved. :() risked me out of homebirthing with them and there aren't any other options.  So, now I am technically going to be at the hospital for my birth...but I just can't let go of a homebirth.  I keep hoping that it will be super fast and I will uc again, but at the same time I'm petrified to be alone and without immediate aftercare. 

I haven't packed a bag for the hospital and I haven't even washed the babies clothes yet.  I'm dragging my feet and I'm sure this is going to affect my labor.  I've been having contractions on and off and that has never happened to me before in any of my pregnancies.  I'll probably be late this time around because I'm not letting go and stalling myself. 

What do I do?  Just give in? 

What I really wish is that the midwives would at least agree to try to hb with me, which they won't.  I have shadow care, I'm on meds, I have no symptoms of hbp, no pre-e, no protein or sugar in my urine, I have NSTs once a week and a visit with the ob.   What is the problem???  Aaaaaargh!  So frustrating to have no control.  What's the harm in trying and then having to transfer?  I just can't let this go. 


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#2 of 10 Old 06-03-2011, 04:25 PM
 
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Oh wow. hug2.gif I'd be pretty frustrated also. I don't know much about uc or hbp during labor. All I know is how I'd feel if my hb wasn't an option for me. My first was a hospital birth that was one intervention after another that came dangerously close to a c/s, so I completely understand why you wouldn't want to step a toenail into the hospital. Are there any underground midwives in your area that would bend the rules for you? I don't know if it'd be possible to find anything like that at this stage - that's all I can think of if you're not comfortable going completely uc.


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#3 of 10 Old 06-03-2011, 04:55 PM
 
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I use a DEM, well she is now a CPM but was DEM at time of my first homebirth with her.  Though not legal in my state to attend homebirths since they aren't nurses (CNM's) they are around but don't advertise.  I was given the name of one by a cnm that couldn't fit me in as she was all booked up.  However, I also found there were several more when I joined a local yahoo group on natural childbirthing and the like for my area.  Those women were a wealth of knowledge and knew about all the underground midwives.  These ladies aren't just women who decided a month ago to be delivering babies, most are midwives from way back like the 70s and have tons of experience and are super old school and awesome!  (I don't mean bite on a stick old school but hands off and holistic)  I have regular prenatals with mine where she will check my urine, BP, fundal height (but doesn't put much stock into that one) listen to heart tones, and I love the long personal visits that feel more like I am visiting with a friend.  Heck, I never even leave my house, she comes to me, but some have an in-home office you go to them.

 

If you aren't comfortable with a midwife who isn't a nurse though, the only thing I would do if it were me is leave it in fates hands.  If it happened as fast as your last ones, you may not have a choice and will UC unplanned again, in which case, hey, it was decided for ya, lol.  But if things go slower and more controlled, just wait until well into labor to go in so there are less chance of more interventions.  Also, if you must have a hospital birth, take someone who is outspoken and will stick up for what you want during labor since we are often unable to do so effectively when in the midst of strong active labor, we are off in labor land, lol.  You could get a doula for this.  They aren't allowed to speak FOR you and refuse interventions but in the heat of the moment, they will remind you of your original plan and ask you in an informed way if you want something that they feel is being maybe pushed on you or you may be talked into because you are vulnerable at the moment or they are doing it for their convenience not yours.

 

Having a doula is the way to go if you must hospital birth but me, I wouldn't be able to afford one (my midwife is a friend otherwise I couldn't afford a homebirth either, lol) so I would employ my mother (the only family member or friend that is aggressive enough not to let my original plan go awry if I can't speak for myself and would make sure I am making my own decisions and not a Dr or nurse making them for me for their own convenience.  I had that happen during my 1st and they pushed stuff on me as my natural childbirth was making them work harder and they wanted me doped, numb and laying still and flat on my back so they didn't have to bother with me till pushing time.  They ended up getting it their way as I had no support and was alone except for my BF who didn't know any better.

 

Good luck whatever you decide!! I know how horrible the thought of a hospital birth is after experiencing the complete flip side of a homebirth.  I was originally going to do hospital this time since I finally had insurance (our last homebirth we had no choice, were uninsured) but after a night in L&D I was reminded of why I am not doing it that way unless there is medical need for it.  Though I am getting a very discounted rate, I am paying out of pocket to have my 3rd homebirth this time rather than a free hospital one.  No comparison. 

 

However, with the right support, you CAN have a natural childbirth in the hospital.  I got lucky and had awesome nurses for my 2nd who didnt push anything on me and supported my wishes and helped me have the birth I wanted.  It was pure luck though, too bad you can't pre-choose your staff, lol.


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#4 of 10 Old 06-06-2011, 01:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, guys. luxlove.gif  I do have a doula that I could take with me, but I'm not sure I know her well enough to be comfortable with her.  I'm very much out in the boonies and new to the area, so there is not much choice.  I'm praying for the "good" ob and nurse to be on duty if I have to go in.   I'm still stalling though.  I haven't washed any of the baby clothes or packed my hospital bag.  Do you think I can wish this baby to come quickly at home or will I just end up prolonging my labor?  Eek!  I can't wait to be on the other side of everything...holding my sweet baby in my arms in my own bed, relaxing.


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#5 of 10 Old 06-06-2011, 01:42 AM
 
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I feel for you and the though spot your in. What's the most important aspect for you in labor/after? I like to figure out why I'm stalling in a situation by pinpointing my/the exact feelings/facts.

 

 


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#6 of 10 Old 06-07-2011, 04:42 AM
 
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I'm stalling too, still holding out for my u/c.  I'm hoping, hoping, hoping that he'll turn and I'll go into labor, but my deadline is Thursday -- when my mw asked me to schedule an ECV and induction.  Two days away and I've packed NOTHING.  Haven't even really given it any thought, because I'm trying so hard to focus on him coming at home like his sister.

 

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#7 of 10 Old 06-07-2011, 05:48 AM
 
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hug2.gif

Mama, I am planning a UC and have had a homebirth after a traumatic hospital experience with my first. I am sorry you are in this position and having to make this decision. I am a huge advocate of birthing on your own terms, but as a nurse, just wanted to mention that high blood pressure can result in complications and would caution you regarding that. Is elevated BP something that you have when not pregnant or is it PIH? There are different risks associated with both, and though *most* women with controlled high BP usually have very normal deliveries, complications can arise during labor. I don't mean to be a downer or anything, but just wanted to mention that it is a good idea to proceed with caution. thumb.gif

I am sure you have done your research and will make the best decision for your family! Good luck! We have the same due date so we will have to check in and see which of us goes first smile.gif
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#8 of 10 Old 06-07-2011, 06:19 AM
 
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You reminded me I haven't packed a hospital bag yet either!  Putting it on my List for today.  Here's what I'm going to do, which seems wacky but I need to do it.  The whole time I pack this bag, I'm going to say to myself, "if I don't pack this bag in preparation for going to the hospital, I'll surely need it.  If I pack it, I'll surely birth at home."  Basically sending myself opposite vibes?  Makes sense in my late-pregnant brain, anyway.

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#9 of 10 Old 06-07-2011, 08:00 AM
 
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Well I wouldn't *plan* a U/C with HBP personally, but you could labor fast and have one anyway. What you could do is just when you are crowning or something have someone call 911 and then they should be there by the time he is out and they can care for you if you need it....whistling.gif better safe than sorry?

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#10 of 10 Old 06-07-2011, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You guys are awesome.  I feel better just reading your posts.  I have chronic hbp, which started about a year+ ago, so not pregnancy induced.  Actually, the pregnancy seemed to cause my bp to become normal for a few months and I went off my meds...then it went back up. 

I think what is most important to me is to be in a safe environment because of my hbp, but also be intervention and pressure free.  I don't want the ob waiting around down by my vagina, poking and prodding, sliding their finger around my vagina and pulling on my babies head while my baby is being born a la "A Baby Story" on TLC.  I don't need any help...unless I need it.  LOL  Thus, my reason for being in the hospital. 

I definitely wouldn't plan a UC because of my hbp, but I do wish enormously that this baby would come out like a rocket like her 2yo brother did and that I won't have time to get to the hospital. 

I did manage to finally wash up all my little baby goodies.  I feel good about that.  Now, to pack my bag for the hospital.  I can literally feel my psyche resisting as I type that. LOL  I'm going to try and take wake_up 's route.  "If I don't pack it, then I'll surely need it.", so I better get to packing.  Sheepish.gif

 


Tina ~ SAHcarrot.gif- head Mama to - 

  DS blowkiss.gif(07/'03), DD energy.gif(05'05), DS, unplanned UC sleepytime.gif(01/'09), DD joy.gif(06/'11) ...

SURPRISE!  dizzy.gifNew little one, due Sept. 2013

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