Would you use a back up doula you had never met? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 9 Old 06-16-2011, 09:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Planning a homebirth in the next few days with a midwife I've birthed with twice already...my doula's father became seriously ill the other night and she's flying to the other side of the country today to be with him. She has arranged a back up doula for me. I emailed the back up yesterday and haven't heard back (which is fine - people are busy). I asked my doula when I spoke with her if she thought I could meet the back up ahead of time (like would she stop over for tea this aft or something) and got the surprising answer "probably not - she's awfully busy."

 

So I'm supposed to call this woman I've never met if I go into labour? In the middle of the night? This is fine and I understand that the circumstances are out of everyone's control but I just don't feel like I *want* a complete stranger here in my house at my birth...

 

I'm debating whether or not I will even call her when I go into labour. 

 

WWYD?


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#2 of 9 Old 06-16-2011, 11:53 AM
 
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I'm having to deal with the same thing, except we're talking about a backup midwife.  I don't even know the woman's name yet and I'm really stressed.  I don't like strangers in my home and I had such a vision of this birth and it was not with people I don't know.  That's why I'm having a homebirth instead of a hospital birth!  I don't know what I'm going to do.  If it were a doula, unless I could meet her beforehand and feel comfortable with her, I wouldn't call.  As for a my midwife....well, I suspect I may be UCing.


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#3 of 9 Old 06-16-2011, 03:47 PM
 
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I would call her anyway and ask her if she would be willing to meet with you. No matter how busy she is, she should understand why you would want to! (And if she's that busy, can she really be guaranteed to actually be around when you go into labor? And if not, what good is she?) If she said no... honestly, I probably wouldn't call her in labor either. That's just me. I don't like the idea of having a total stranger around either. I'll have one of two midwives when I go into labor, and I've met and worked with both. I'd be really nervous if I hadn't.

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#4 of 9 Old 06-16-2011, 04:00 PM
 
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Yes, I would call her and ask to meet. If she isn't able to meet, I would question if she is too busy to be doing your birth and would ask your doula for another, less busy backup. She should know of more than one.

 

Andrea, that is RIDICULOUS that you have no info on this woman yet. I would be hounding your actual midwife until you got that info. Also, please spread the word of your terrible experience with this woman after you give birth. Seriously, people should know she is so horribly unprofessional. :(


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#5 of 9 Old 06-16-2011, 04:14 PM
 
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You should definitely be able to meet/speak to the backup. Do you have a contract with your other doula? Check the contract before deciding not to call--sometimes it says (as in my contract as a doula) that if a family changes their mind & decides not to call, the fee is still due. Of course the backup situation is definitely not ideal, but no reason why she shouldn't be able to meet you, especially since she's now become your primary doula while your first choice is away...

Good luck!

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#6 of 9 Old 06-16-2011, 05:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So she called me this morning and is coming by in about an hour. She sounds lovely :

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#7 of 9 Old 06-17-2011, 05:35 AM
 
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yay!


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#8 of 9 Old 06-17-2011, 06:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elisheva View Post

So she called me this morning and is coming by in about an hour. She sounds lovely :



DDCC as I saw this thread in new posts...I'm glad it seems to be working out, but wanted to pose another idea. In case you end up feeling like you'd rather not have the backup doula for whatever reason (the two of you don't click, or you just still aren't happy about having a relatively unknown person at your birth, etc.), you may want to speak to your original doula again. If you were my client, I'd be willing to offer postpartum hours instead of the birth. That way you're still getting valuable help from the doula you hired. She may not be willing or able to do it, but it's worth suggesting if it interests you. Good luck!


SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

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#9 of 9 Old 06-17-2011, 07:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, everyone. She came over last night to meet the family. She was truly delightful and I'm now confident that she'll be great to have around during the birth. 

 

Amaayeh - that's very icky about your midwife situation. :( I hope your MW gets her act together.


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