I know. I know i knowiknow it's probably hormones and circumstances, but I just can't seem to get excited about this baby. See, it's not exactly the situation we were hoping for, and I feel like a big baby complaining about it because sooooo many women have it way worse than I do. My husband is in the military, and for a while now we've known he probably wouldn't be here for the birth, but I think as long as he was here I was deluding myself into thinking he would always be here. I have never had a problem with deployments before, but for the first time this time I was holding back tears when we said goodbye. I think this little cloud has just kind of cast a shadow over the entire pregnancy, because he won't get home until baby is probably 4 ish months, and then all I can think about is how dramatically our relationship will probably change due to that, I mean, we've never handled one of his home-comings with more than just the 2 of us! It's just hard to think that we said goodbye and it's just us 2, and when we see each other again all of a sudden we'll be parents on top of everything else. I don't know....I don't think I can adequately describe how I'm feeling...like I said, it's probably mainly hormones.
I just always had this nice picture in my head of when we had our babies, that he would be in the delivery room with me, and now I'm having to swap that picture for a vision of me and my computer and hoping for the miracle that he can be online to skype through delivery
Have you ever seen this blog? http://www.stephaniehowell.typepad.com/
She is an army wife with four daughters, aged 4 and under. (She birthed their second without her husband.) You should TOTALLY email her! She's a friend of mine, and she's just so sweet and supportive and encouraging.
Hang in there! Try to focus on the thought of watching your husband with your little one... how wonderful that will be! It will be even a better homecoming with that little one there... I promise! :-)
Stay strong, Lovely!
I'm feeling a little better now, and I know I'll feel better increasingly as more time passes and I get used to him being gone again, I think it was just the change of him leaving piled on top of the change I know is coming...it all just kind of hit me at once last night and then built up to this morning
To be honest, I am feeling the same way. This is baby #2 (my first is 6), and I feel like I was a lot more excited about her than this one. I am depressed and absolutely terrified most of the time! During the first pregnancy I had no doubts about my ability to do all of this. Now I dread every second I get closer to delivery. Maybe its because I lived in the same state as all of my family then, and I knew I had a large support system. Or maybe its because I don't want to have to divide my time between children, or it could even be that my daughter is so independent now, that the thought of a baby is horrifying to me. I don't know, but I just can't seem to muster up the enthusiasm.
On top of it all I am just going crazy over the whole "pregnancy is beautiful" theory. There is nothing pretty about this! I throw up ALL the time, I'm flatulent, I have actually been constipated and had diarrhea at the exact same time ( which by the way, I didn't even know was humanly possible) and I am much more short fused with my daughter. Tell me what on earth is so "beautiful" about that?
Anyhow sorry about that I just had to rant :). Needless no say, I know how you feel, but I am sure its just the hormones and the consistently gloomy weather here.
I can't even imagine not having my DH here for the delivery. You poor thing! I would be totally depressed over that too. I don't think you should feel bad about feeling bad either. That is really tough.
I'm not excited either. I've wanted to start a thread about this since... oh... about November! This was an oops. We used a condom, it broke, and then I took Plan B. I thought for sure that there would be no way I would be pregnant. Then I learned Plan B is only 70% effective. I also had an allergic reaction to it (quarter sized blisters) and had the typical vomiting. That's a lot considering it didn't work. DH really wanted #5 sometime, but I wanted it to be later because DS (#4) is such a handful. I needed a break. Plus, I'm in school and the kids have busy schedules. It just wasn't the right time.
I have serious doubts I'm going to be able to pull this off. I'm mentally exhausted with the 4 kids. I'm physically exhausted from having to do most of everything around the house (DH works 50 hrs/wk and goes to school). I'm sick of going to school and I feel like what's the point of getting a degree, at the rate I'm going I'll never be able to use it! I don't want to do around go-around with doctors about us not vaccinating. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night to breastfeed. Honestly, I don't want to nurse at all. That's how I know I'm depressed. Nursing was such a great experience for me, but DS just freaking weaned a couple months ago. I need a longer break.
My body hurts. I still have the hemorrhoid from DS's birth almost 4 years ago that I know is going to hurt like a mofo when I'm delivering. I just lost a bunch of weight and finally was feeling good about myself just to pile on 50 lbs again already. We didn't save anything from any of the kids so I have to buy stuff again, which sucks. I have acid reflux right now, which flares up especially when I drink water. Go figure.
I feel bad complaining about this. I feel like a bad mother. I'm just tired. I always blame everything on being tired.
Mom to (12), (7), (5), (4), (born 7/8/11), , and
It's good to hear I'm not alone in this boat! while this wasn't technically a "planned" pregnancy, it wasn't exactly unplanned either, we just weren't exactly preventing...I just feel like if we had planned it better it would be a happier experience altogether
Ladies, I am glad to see this post. There seems to be such guilt associated with having these feelings about pregnancy, which I think are more normal than anyone knows, it's just that no one is talking about.
Narle--You are a VERY strong woman. I am also a first timer and I can't imagine if my husband weren't going to be here. It seems like a good idea to talk to other army moms so you can talk to people who have experienced the same thing as you.
Kassabe--Your post is funny because yesterday my Facebook status said "whoever said pregnancy is beautiful is a liar". I really don't want this chubby body, my old one was lean and strong, and now I'm mushy and having horrible hip pain everytime I step on the treadmill just to WALK. My boobs are huge and out of control. My feet and hands are starting to swell. I have non stop heartburn. I hate getting naked in front of my husband. I hate getting naked in front of myself.
Suburban- GULP. Plan B has saved me quite a few times, I can't believe it failed you! That's horrible. Your baby really must have wanted to be here now--it is already stubborn!!!
I've made the mistake of telling people how much I hate pregnancy and apparently, people don't like to hear this. Everyone gets very surprised because I LOVE children, much more than I like adults. But I love children when they are not in my body, I like them outside of me!!
Anyway, at some point it will all be worth it yadda yadda yadda, but in the meantime it's good to have people to vent to.
Danielle- Yes, this baby is totally stubborn. Exactly what I DON'T need. LOL. I'm surprised Plan B failed too. I took it around 26 hours after sex, well within the 72 hour window. The worst part was when I woke up with these gigantic blisters I went to the urgent care to have them drained. They were at around 1/2" tall and quarter sized on my abdomen (I still have scars from them). The nurse that had brought me the release papers was my ex-boyfriend that I had before I met DH. Awkward much?
I agree about the whole beautiful pregnancy thing. I have seen beautiful pregnant women before that have that glow, but that is certainly not me. My glow is from a greasy face or sweat. I'm already so warm that I don't use a blanket at night. My house is 63 degrees at night! Why do I always have summer babies? 5 out of 5, all summer babies. The times I've gotten pregnant and had miscarriages were when I was not due in the summer. Go figure.
Last night I vacuumed the house and by the time I was done I could barely walk. I'm still hobbling around today from it. I could barely roll over in bed last night too. My hips feel like they're going to snap in two. I hope this means I'm having a girl. If I have another stubborn boy I may lose it. My girls have always given me a lot of hip pain.
Mom to (12), (7), (5), (4), (born 7/8/11), , and
But I was just starting to get the house to be a little less like a disaster zone. Just starting to work on an "adult" wardrobe. Just starting to dip my toes back into my hobbies that I had not had any time for the last 4.5 years. And I can't complain about my pregnancies-I have (so far) had easy-peasy pregnancies-some ms in the beginning with #2 and this one, reasonable weight gain that I have managed to lose fairly easily, I have very little discomfort, I don't get overheated, and my labors have been pretty darn easy so far. BUT!! I have HARD kids-trouble nursing, didn't do it long with #1, #2 I was determined come hell or high water and did until March, but it was NEVER comfortable, often painful, and she never took a bottle so it was a LONG time until I could leave for any length of time without knowing my baby was going to be at least somewhat hungry, or at least un-soothed. They are both high-strung, JUST starting to play by themselves for any length of time, #2 would not let ANYONE but me hold her until....oh, a few months ago, and I had to hold her constantly. CONSTANTLY. And they are REALLY bad sleepers-#2 doesn't STTN (and it took until she was 18 months old before she would sleep AT ALL without me touching her). My 4.5 y/o only STTN about once every 2 months. The thought of going through this AGAIN makes me want to run away.
I am not even daring to hope that this one could be more laid back. I'm not even asking for an "easy" kid-just "normal". But I'm not holding my breath.
And then there's the guilt. And I don't feel bonded to the baby at all so far. I try to picture a few years down the road, and how my house will be so happy-crazy, but there are those years in between. And I just want to cry.
<happy sigh> thanks ladies, it helps to see the range of other's emotions. OP, I'm so sorry your husband won't be around for your delivery. Mine just left for a few days to help his mom move, and I am a wreck. I can't even imagine what it would be like to not have my partner around. Who will you have at your delivery?
I've hit a low low low spot. I maybe tend toward depression, but I'm suddenly so big I can't do very much. I am normally a very capable lady, and barely being able to do housework is kind of a bummer for me, when normally I am digging garden beds, and hauling things around, and working on our house, etc. I chatted with my DH last night about it, and he said he didn't understand why I was depressed, wasn't the PG supposed to have me feeling great? He just doesn't get depression, I don't think he's ever really felt that feeling, of not being able to motivate to do ANYthing. Which only helped me feel even more alone than I already was, that he doesn't get where I'm at. Plus, he's left now till Friday. We live on a homestead, and he's been great about doing all the chores, but now I've gotta do em all while he's gone AND get myself and DD fed, a constant proposition right now (we live in a very very rural place with no restaurants or grocery store). Definitely feeling kinda worried about how I'm gonna manage all week.
Boo hoo, poor me, I know. Terrible life. I just wish I was feeling more energetic and sunny.
Amanda, DW to Drew, mom to Ella, 7, Gardner, 2, homesteading on the edge of the continent on the Lost Coast.
California Homesteading, http://eastmillcreek.blogspot.com
Even putting my shoes on is difficult. I can barely do any sort of housework right now because 1. it's exhausting and 2. I have no motivation to do it anyway. My garden is starting from scratch this year because we moved. The ground is all clay and it needs major work. DH has a hard time tilling because he hurt his shoulder and the jerking of the machine is jarring to him. I don't know how we're going to do it this summer. I'm giving myself a headache just thinking about it.
Thanks so much, everyone, for being there to listen to me and each other. It's so nice to have a place to vent where I don't feel like I'm going to be scolded for having these feelings.
Mom to (12), (7), (5), (4), (born 7/8/11), , and
I am not in a situation like this but I wanted to just say: I understand. Going through a life changing event without you partner must be very hard. And about worrying about the baby adding too much to the relationship - it is totally legitimate! I know lots about loss and mourning and let me tell you the mourning the life you are about to leave behind is very normal! This does not mean that things wont be great once they have changed.
When I was pregnant with Noah, I wanted to exchange him for Jake the entire pregnancy (I know this sounds terrible) but now I can not imagine that my life could have gone any other way!!!!
Hang in there and make sure you have tons of support for the birth and the post partum period!
Barbara, Mama to Isabel (06/2004), Jake (08/2006-03/2007), Noah (01/2008), and Matteo (07/2011)
Please always research the safety of vaccines even if your doctor tells you they are harmless!