Can I vent again? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 07-22-2011, 10:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel like the board complainer lately.  Every thread I start is a "woe is me" thread.  blush.gif  I just need to get this out though.

 

My SIL is a flake.  Last year I had a miscarriage (while on vacation in Yellowstone so not exactly convenient to say the least) and when we got back it was very close to my birthday.  I was depressed and emotional obviously.  My SIL told DH she wanted to come visit on my birthday of all days.  DH had to work all day so my sister and I cleaned my house like the Pope was visiting and I made no plans to do anything for my bday because my SIL only visits once every couple years if that.  She lives about 2 hours away.  All day passed and she never showed up.  I was so mad because it was my freaking birthday and I really needed to have a happy day as the miscarriage really had me down still.  She never called either.  By the time I saw her next it was Christmas and I didn't say anything about my disappointment.  I figured it was not a big deal and I was just being emotional.

 

This year I had a c/s 2 days before my bday.  Guess who planned to come visit on my bday again?  Seriously.  She just happened to be down visiting someone else and thought she would stop by.  Can you guess if she came or not?  Of course she didn't!  This time she at least called several hours later to say she wasn't coming.  I was still mad though.  Your plans are so important (a surprise bday party for a relative of her new boyfriend) that it trumps your only biological brother's newborn?  If anyone remembers my last post, my mom and sister also bailed out on me for my birthday and I was really depressed about that as well.  So all of this together had me really sad.

 

So I just get a FB message from her saying she'll be in my area again this weekend (another weekend DH works) and wants to know when is a good time to come over.  Um, how about NEVER!  I'm sick of cleaning up the house while battling my super emotions (and not to mention the spinal headache I have today) just for her to blow me off again.  I'm having DH deal with it because it's his sister after all and if I say something I'm probably going to snap.

 

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.  My emotions are all over the place lately (with good reason) and I have no one else I can tell IRL or they would end up ratting me out. 


Mom to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif(12), bikenew.gif(7), energy.gif(5),  guitar.gif(4), baby.gif (born 7/8/11), dog2.gif, and chicken3.gif

 


 

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#2 of 9 Old 07-22-2011, 10:21 AM
 
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Yeah, that sounds like a major flake that doesnt "get" much when it comes to common understanding of another's being. Her selfishness probably wont be changed by somebody giving her a mouthful, but I probably would at least in a fb message to hint at your annoyance.  And yeah, it might be good for your dh to handle this as you don't need more stress at this point. I have some longtime friends and some family with this mentality and it kills me to accept their immaturity and lack of common sense, but I figure I would not have that kind of close company anyway. I hope you get some peace soon, this is a good place to vent. And girl you need some birthday love, next year, help a friend throw yourself a lovely rager. You deserve it as I am sure you have many people near you that love you and will accomidate some celebrating. grouphug.gif

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#3 of 9 Old 07-22-2011, 11:41 AM
 
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Gotta love in-laws!  My favourite lives on the other side of the country; maybe that's why she is my fav?

 

I would just ignore the message...not like you have a new born in your house to distract you with your other children.  If she shows up and the house is a mess so what!  She'll never clue in.

 

Happy Be-lated Birthday!

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Melissa - Happy mommy to blahblah.gif Mitchell - 9lbs 1oz, 01-14-2007; and babyf.gifDylan - 10lbs 6oz, 07-25-2011

 

Happily married to Jeff since 09-24-2005

 

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#4 of 9 Old 07-22-2011, 12:10 PM
 
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You guys are nicer than me lol  I'd just tell her no, you dont feel good and you have too much going on. If she pushes tell her she flaked the last time and how she didnt have the decency to call.

 

I'm a big proponent of telling people when they suck, especially when their sucking could hinder your getting well.


 

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"Hey baby, do you like trains?"

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#5 of 9 Old 07-22-2011, 01:25 PM
 
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Wow! No wonder your feelings are hurt (repeatedly) SIL sounds totally self-centered & inconsiderate.  Glad you're letting DH deal with it.  I wouldn't clean up a thing for her.  I hope someone gives her an earful concerning her behavior.


"Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth."- Albert Einstein

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#6 of 9 Old 07-22-2011, 01:33 PM
 
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I agree with everyone else.  Act as though she isn't coming and if she does don't make any apologies for things looking like they do.  You have your hands full and much more important things to do than clean the house for her or stress about her visit.  Good luck and feel free to vent more!  This is a safe space.

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#7 of 9 Old 07-22-2011, 02:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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grouphug.gif  Thank you all so much for your kind words.  It's nice to know that my upset is justifiable.  I forgot to add that this sister is 37, not like 20 or something.  She has no kids obviously.  LOL.  She is truly clueless when it comes to anything parenting related, but that doesn't stop her from giving advice.  eyesroll.gif
 


Mom to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif(12), bikenew.gif(7), energy.gif(5),  guitar.gif(4), baby.gif (born 7/8/11), dog2.gif, and chicken3.gif

 


 

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#8 of 9 Old 07-22-2011, 08:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelylisa View Post

 

I'm a big proponent of telling people when they suck, especially when their sucking could hinder your getting well.


Hear, hear! 

 

After being blown off so many times, you definitely have the right to give her the what-for!

 

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#9 of 9 Old 07-23-2011, 05:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Believe me, I would LOVE to tell her off.  However, DH would rather me not as I have already told off his brother and we haven't spoken to him since.  Not too much of a problem considering he lives on the other side of the country, but if I keep up picking them off one by one when I'm pissed soon the family reunions are going to be really awkward.  LOL.

 

DH sent her a message last night that said "this weekend will not work. we'll let YOU know when it is convenient for us."  thumb.gif  Now I can proceed to enjoy my weekend and my sister is planning to come over, which has me thrilled.  She is like my other half as she lived with us for 5.5 years (up until March of this year).


Mom to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif(12), bikenew.gif(7), energy.gif(5),  guitar.gif(4), baby.gif (born 7/8/11), dog2.gif, and chicken3.gif

 


 

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