I never really wanted an induction... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 07-29-2011, 10:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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...but when we found out DH wouldn't be here for the birth, it seemed like scheduling one might help him still get to "experience" it, because he would have a date to give his schedulers and he could be online with me while everything was going on.  I refused to schedule one before my EDD (7-29) but we scheduled one for Aug. 2...now DH is finding out he may have to work that day.  This isn't really a huge deal for me, I'm ok with him missing it as long as HE is ok with missing it...by no means does it make either of us happy, but there are just some things that can't be helped.  However, his mom has come into town, it's her first grandbaby, she's excited, and she's on a time-limit...sort of.  I understand all of this, and I love her to death, she is awesome as far as mother-in-laws go.  However, now that DH may have to work on induction day, part of me wants to cancel the induction...the other part of me feels bad because his mom lives in WY, we live in OK, she drove all the way down here, it's her first grandbaby, if it doesn't come before she has to get back to work...I would feel absolutely horrible.  I'm at the point though where, between my mom, and his mom I'm ready for the baby to get out so they'll fuss over it instead! I am sooooo not OK with this much attention.  I don't like the idea of inductions, I can see where they are necesarry at times, but for covenience I have always disagreed, and here I find myself with one scheduled for convenience.

 

UGH.  I don't even know what I want from this post, maybe I just needed to voice it out there, I know if I could talk to DH he would tell me to do whatever I feel I need to do, and I love him so much for that, but he's not the one who would be here telling his mom she's just gonna have to wait, and he's not the one who has to be here while both moms fuss over every little thing I do and walk me all over town running errands every day, and won't leave me home alone...I'm getting overwhelmed!  due date was today, and I'm not surprised to not be in labor yet, I feel like it will be soon, possibly even before the induction date, but I have nothing to really base that on other than regularly irregular contractions everyday and losing the mucus plug.  I haven't even told the moms about the irregular contractions just because I don't want them questioning me on if they're becoming regular!  lol I seriously just have to laugh...otherwise I'm gonna snap on someone and I really don't want to hurt any feelings, I'm pretty sure I've already hurt feelings by informing them that NO ONE is allowed to come back with me in L&D, they are all to remain in the waiting room if they insist on staying at the hospital the whole time

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#2 of 9 Old 07-30-2011, 07:54 AM
 
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I don't agree with scheduled inductions for convenience sake, either. I believe very strongly that babies should be allowed to come when they are ready and not be pushed.

That being said, I had an induction with my 2nd, my dh's 1st, because he was going to have to leave for some military training. We had had some fertility issues and were afraid that baby may be the only one we were able to have together so it was very important for me that my dh be there. I, like you, waited until after my 40w edb even though my OB wanted to induce me a week earlier for GD. I was 40w1d when I was induced.

I am still torn about it 7.5 years later. I'm glad that my dh was able to be with me and experience the birth. Even though we've since had 2 other babies (one just 5 days ago), ds2 was the only one my dh was home for. However, my dh was pretty useless to me during the labor even though we had taken a Bradley class together. I am disappointed that me dh's only birth experience is a very medical hospital induction. He has missed both of my homebirths and we won't be having any more babies.

If I were you, the only two opinions I would consider in this decision are yours and your dh's. No one else's really matter. There is no reason for you to feel bad about your MIL. I can't imagine that she would disagree that the most important thing is that you and baby are healthy and happy. But, then, I don't really care about how others feel or what they think about my life and my children.

Is there no way your dh could get out of work for the birth? Personally, having the experience with this that I've had, I would cancel the induction, especially if there's no guarantee your dh will be there. That might be easier for me to say since my dh did get to be with us for one birth. Obviously, i can't say how I'd feel if I hadn't had that one induction and he missed all 3 births.

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#3 of 9 Old 07-30-2011, 05:26 PM
 
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No experience with the induction issue so (((hugs)))) there.  As far as the MIL issue goes, it seems as if she chose to take that time off work and drive down to "visit."  My mom is here from across the country with the clear understanding that we would not be doing any touristy-type activities unless DH and I were up to it.  She has been helping us clean and get ready and other than that, finding things to occupy her time.  She's been doing jig saw puzzles and occupying herself on the internet. 

 

I would make it very clear that all these daily trips are very overwhelming and exhausting for you and ask that they please lay off including you in their little excursions.  If they want to go out and about fine....

 

This is my mom's first grandson so she is both excited and anxious but has been able to accept our wishes for the most part which is making her stay pleasant and not stressful.

If it were me in your shoes, I would cancel the induction.  IMO You and your babe are the most important thing in this equation. 


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#4 of 9 Old 07-31-2011, 01:09 AM
 
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I have had two inductions, and two births with my husband absent--not the same births. Inductions are hard-core if you aren't really ready and I would NEVER have one that was not medically necessary.

 

In your situation, with what you have described I would say: "oh no MIL, doctor called and canceled induction as he has two other high risk births to attend to that day" End of story.

 

If you are OK with lying to her (I know it is hard to let family down--my sister flew in to see the birth of the baby I just had and hounded me for a week--all.day.long. to induce, so trust me I know what it feels like to let someone down. She also planned the trip with the knowledge that I had "gone early" the last few births, so was pretty pissed that Francie was determine to make it to term :-)  I would just lie if you don't feel up to telling the truth right now. With my sister (and mother who jumped on the bandwagon--seriously all day for a week), I just stated facts about increased risks with inductions and pointed out the fact that they were welcome to have their own babies and have as much pitocin as they wished. But I had the benefit of a labor that was induced and ended badly to point to and they finally got off my back. You will probably just hear :
"so and so induced all her 11 children and they went just fine", so in your shoes I would just lie :)

 

Birth should not be about pressure to perform. Sadly people think it is in this medical age! Don't get sucked in if you don't want to. You should be able to be calm and at peace as much as possible. Your stress level does actually affect the potential life and health of the baby you are trying to birth, so if you need to lie to get someone off your back then do so. You can come clean afterward if you wish, but really you need to look out for only your stress at this time. And really, do you think MIL will take an extra two weeks off if you end up with a c-section because of this induction?

 

Speaking to the husband missing the birth: It can suck or not, whatever you want to make of it. My husband was with my with our first, but was out of the country when I realized I was in early labor with our second.  To be honest, I was pretty freaked out the first time, but it really didn't matter. All our children are equally special to DH, the fact that he saw two exit my vagina does not come into play one bit. DH also voluntarily opted to miss the last birth, he took care of the other kids while I birthed with my cousin at the hospital. He came shortly afterward, and we both feel like we did the best jobs that we could. I know it feels differently with your first, but please be kind to your self and focus on what you feel you "can" do, not the fairy tale ideal situation we all tend to apply to birth.

 

Have a friend, or doula there to help you physically and emotionally (someone you are OK with expressing pain/pooping/peeing/crying/in front of) and have someone take pictures and I really think he won't miss out. We have our whole lives with our children, it just so happens that you really are center stage at the birth--there is no way around that. Baby won't know daddy missed the birth, and my five year old thinks it cool daddy met him when he was three days old.

 

I hope your birth goes well, maybe you are already in labor?

 

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#5 of 9 Old 07-31-2011, 07:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sarafi View Post

I hope your birth goes well, maybe you are already in labor?

yeahthat.gif

We haven't heard anything. Maybe labor started and/or you've already had your sweet baby?

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#6 of 9 Old 07-31-2011, 09:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wish! no labor yet, which was super disappointing as I really had a "feeling" about today, and on top of that, last night a friend who's been rooting boy the past 8 months sent me this cryptic text message that it was a girl and coming tomorrow (today) still getting the random contractions, and hoping something happens soon! If one more person asks me (while I'm obviously pregnant) "so...no baby yet?" I may kill.

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#7 of 9 Old 08-01-2011, 08:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Narleegates View Post

If one more person asks me (while I'm obviously pregnant) "so...no baby yet?" I may kill.

Haha!

Have you decided anything on the induction?

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#8 of 9 Old 08-01-2011, 08:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, im going to keep the appt. I talked to hubby last night, and He has to work at the time i'll go in, but assuming it's a normal length labor and not super fast, he should be able to be online when the baby is actually here. And then he'll have 24 hours off, and who knows when he'll get another day off, so it seems like it will be working out decently well for us smile.gif I'm glad we finally got to talk last night, as far as personalities go, he's *usually* the hyper spaz,and I'm pretty mellow, but when I start getting myself worked up he's really good at talking me down and helping me not freak out. Don't know what I'd do without him!
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#9 of 9 Old 08-01-2011, 09:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Narleegates View Post

Yeah, im going to keep the appt. I talked to hubby last night, and He has to work at the time i'll go in, but assuming it's a normal length labor and not super fast, he should be able to be online when the baby is actually here. And then he'll have 24 hours off, and who knows when he'll get another day off, so it seems like it will be working out decently well for us smile.gif I'm glad we finally got to talk last night, as far as personalities go, he's *usually* the hyper spaz,and I'm pretty mellow, but when I start getting myself worked up he's really good at talking me down and helping me not freak out. Don't know what I'd do without him!

Ok, good luck. I hope it all goes well either way. You still have a little while for things to start on their own.

My induction took at least 12 or 13 hours total. I think I went to the hospital around 7 am but they didn't get the actual induction going until around 9. Baby was born around 10:30 pm that night. There was at least one OB who thought it was taking too long and wanted to increase my pit dose. But, in order to do that, I would have had to have my water broken so that an internal monitor could have been placed since I was doing a VBAC. I refused that. That OB got very angry and stormed out of the room yelling something about not having any problem doing another c-section. angry.gif Her shift ended and she was gone before baby was born so I don't think I saw her again.

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