I have pictures of him up in my room, and a photo album with mostly childhood pictures. We had a funeral service for him at the lake, because the body was never found, and I wrote him a card and put in some pictures of us, and we all threw in some of his favorite foods (cheese, mustard, and apple juice) and a Metallica tape, and my dad tossed in a cigarette and an opium poppy even though Harley was not into those things, and then on his birthday I went to the lake again and gave him another card, a cheese-and-mustard sandwich and pictures of my wedding and of dd when she was just born.
I hear that when you break up with someone it's a good idea to take down all their pictures and stuff, but I hope that's not true when someone dies. I just want to hang on to every last link that I can. At the memorial service all of his remaining stuff was left for people to go through and take what they wanted, including 2lb blocks of cheese and little mustard packets, even his hair wax! I took this Harley Davidson blanket I got him once and it's hanging in dd's room now, and I also grabbed one of his jackets. The jacket had not been washed in years and I washed it with a bunch of stuff and it got the other stuff all dirty! At first I thought, I can't wash the jacket, it smells like Harley! But then I realized, no, it smells like an old jacket that was never washed. My sister took his measuring tape and packed it with some clothes and it made the clothes smell bad. I think Harley was amused by how long he could go without bathing. It's funny, every Christmas he'd get some Harley Davidson thing and he had no interest in motorcycles.
I bet a lot of people say this, but it really looked like he was getting out of the bum phase. He just got a job and was buying his own food and even agreed to go to this court-ordered treatment center.
Also, a few months before he died, he ran into this guy who takes pictures of young men as a hobby and occasionally sells them, and Harley agreed to have a few pictures taken. (I know, sounds like kind of a shady character, but I guess Harley never got molested or anything.) He brought the pictures to the memorial and they were really nice and professionally done. He said that Harley was one of 55 people being considered for a Calvin Klein ad! (That's probably just something he tells the guys to get them to do photos, but still, it was interesting!) I think the pictures are actually on the internet - I don't know how to post a link but I think it's http://www.efn.org/~infotech/HARLEY.htm
Last time I went there only the first three links were any good.
I think Calvin Klein should use one of the pictures anyway.
Thank you all for your support - how long has it been since your loved ones died? I keep thinking, when the time without the person is equal to the time with the person, things should be better. I only have memories of Harley from when I was maybe five...that's fifteen years...it's been a year now...so maybe in 14 years I'll be all better!