My beautiful mother was just diagnosed with Secondary Liver Cancer - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-06-2008, 07:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm scared to death. She went in two weeks ago complaining of upper abdomonial pain. They did full CT Scans, blood work, X-Rays. The CT Scan showed two spots in her liver. The pain has since gone away. When she told me, my heart fell into my stomach. I just knew it was cancer. I reasearched for a week online and found it could be something very benign. That gave us some hope. But then her doctor called her back in for biopsy.

The biopsy came back positive for cancer. The cancer originated somewhere else in the body and since the liver filters out everything, the cancer spread into the liver. The pain has gone, and the doctor did not think it had anything to do with the liver cancer.

I'm trying hard to be strong and supportive. I only cried once in front of my mom when she and my dad told me. I've been crying privately and in front of DH, but not in front of my mom. She is such a strong woman, but yesterday she was a wreck, sick with nerves and worry. I'm heartbroken over the journey she's going to have to undertake. I worry that this might be the last Xmas together. The panic I feel is like I"m 5 years old again and might lost my mom.

She goes in on Dec. 23rd to see the cancer specialist to determine where the cancer originated from and the best way to treat it.

I'm trying to be optimistic, but I"m also a realist. So much has happened this year. My beloved FIL died suddenly in August and we are just reeling from that and trying to get through the loss of my DH's dad and son's grandfather. Now this.

And I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant and cannot even enjoy this pregnancy with so much grief and now worry about my mom

I just needed to get this out there. Thanx for reading this far.

Peace to all of you who are going through some very difficult times.
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Old 12-06-2008, 10:50 PM
 
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I am sorry you are going through this and I honor your journey....may your path be gentle....s

True Love is here....to stay!
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Old 12-07-2008, 11:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stiles' mummy View Post

The panic I feel is like I"m 5 years old again and might lost my mom.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I know how you feel. I just lost my mom 3 weeks ago from cancer and I swear I feel like a lost kid even though I am 41. I think what you said all the time, but I never say it out loud to anyone.

I am glad your mom is no longer experiencing the pain she had. That is good!

I will keep you and your mom in my prayers! Anything is possible..it is good to have *hope*. Be there as much as you can for her and absorb every moment of the special days you have together. and of course, remember to take care of yourself.

thinking of you and your mama.
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Old 12-07-2008, 08:55 PM
 
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I am so sorry for the diagnosis. I hope you can have a wonderful Christmas together and that she can meet your new baby.

Jenn
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Old 12-08-2008, 03:42 PM
 
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SO sorry you are dealing with this, mama. It is HARD. I'm gonna write a novel, here, please bear with me. Please know, I can't know your scenario, or what is in your heart, and that I mean nothing to cause you pain. But I will write plainly and to the point, because time may be of the essence. I'm not a nurse or doc, but I do work in home health care and hospice.
First, it's okay to cry in front of your mom. In fact, if you do, it will help you deal with whatever is to come. You are right not to overdo it, but don't feel you can never cry in front of her. It will let her know how much you love her. I would have honest talks with her about what she wants. Does she want to fight this thing tooth and nail? If so, you can help her by assisting with research into whether or not treatment typically extends life or doesn't. Treatment designed to cure may extend life, but there also may be a cost, not only financially, but physically and emotionally as well. It is important to remember that the acute care model may not recognize its own limitations, so it is impotrant to get a second or even third opinion. If she finds the cost too high, she may have a better quality of the time she does have with palliative measures such as radiation or chemotherapy designed to alleviate symptoms rather than cure. Now is also the time to talk about hospice care. Hospice may be a wonderful thing for your mom and your family, as they are uniquely equipped to help you all through this process. All hospices are not created equal. Be sure she gets to interview the nurses and case managers to be sure they are a good 'fit' if she decides on hospice care. If she determines that she wants to accept a terminal diagnosis, it is critical that you give her your support and respect her decision.
Here are some things I have found that people with a possibly life ending diagnosis want:
To talk about it on their terms. IOWs, if she wants to discuss it, participate honestly and lovingly. Don't brush off her concerns. But also don't try to force conversations. Th only exception is that she may not want to burden you with her wants. Assure her that it is your honor to care for her as she cared for you.
To have family members understand that this is about the sick person, not others. By the same token, you have the right to take care of yourself, knowing this will make you a better caregiver/advocate.
To be informed that it is perfectly all right to pass away at home or to be in the hospital if that is their wish.
To have their wishes respected in terms of how and where they spend their last weeks and days.
Again, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. But also know that if you can mindfully attend your mama, listening and being her advocate, no matter what the outcome is, you will have few regrets, and she will have the comfort that no one else can give. :bighug: I hope this helps, and please forgive me any bluntness, I mean only kindness.
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Old 12-11-2008, 08:43 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. hugs.

wife since 1992; mom to: J 7-95; H 5-98; C 2-03; S 4-05; Micah Zachary born still UC 4-08; UM 9-08; due June 2010
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Old 01-04-2009, 01:59 AM
 
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I'm so sorry. My dad has stage iv metastatic colon cancer in the liver. diagnosed in april. it is tough. pm me if you want to chat.

Nessa, DD1 (5) DD2 (3) & expecting again in late February/early March!
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Old 01-04-2009, 02:19 AM
 
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i dont know what so say mama, but i couldnt read and not post

Alee, mamma to Leon (2) and expecting #2 May '10 :
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Old 06-26-2009, 08:45 AM
 
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i m very sorry to hear that your mom is suffering from diagnosis, i kow it is very difficult to face it but it is the truth which can never be changed, mother is very close to their child there is great attachment with mother and child. according to me you shoud concerned the best doctor in the town i think it will be cure, i would just say may god bless to your mother .
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