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#1 of 22 Old 12-17-2008, 11:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I lost both of my parents this year. Dad in March to Alzheimers and my mother just one month ago to cancer. Mom was diagnosed in January and from that point on the whole year has been one disaster after another. I've also lost my uncle (dad's brother) in June, and my grandma (mom's mom) in September. Throughout all of it, my 2 sisters and I have had a few disagreements on all kinds of issues I won't go into here. We aren't fighting and we still speak, but I am the odd man out now that mom and dad are gone. It's all right...it hurts, but I've been hurt so much this year that new hurts aren't registering as badly as they should.
well guess what else. Mom and dad's house was broken into this week. 2 pieces of sentimental jewelry (some value there) were taken, and a microwave (I bought for mom last Xmas).
what else, ya know???!!!! I am upset that someone ransacked my parents' home but I am so numb from all of the hell I have been through.
I'm grateful I went and took the pieces of jewelry that I wanted when mom died, otherwise they would have been stolen, too.
I told my oldest sister (she's in charge, unfortunately) that we need to get a move on with the house....she's in charge, but she procrastinates and is lazy...so is the other sister. Unless I go and do everything myself (which has been what has happened all year long) things are going to move slowly...

I'm sorry...I needed to get this out...

I'm so tired. and I miss my parents..and I don't want to have the holiday without them...
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#2 of 22 Old 12-17-2008, 11:58 AM
 
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Susana,
I can sympathize with you 100% and I hope you can feel my hug across cyberspace. Several years ago, my parents died within a few months of each other. Like you, it left me without an anchor and as odd man out with my siblings. At the time, I considered it a huge success to just put one foot in front of the other most days.

I don't know that it gets better, but you gradually learn how to live with it.

Much love and support to you.

wild.gif  kickin' it old school
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#3 of 22 Old 12-17-2008, 11:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you, griffin. I totally feel the same way you described-a massive success if I can get through the day...seriously.
thank you for that hug. I needed it!
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#4 of 22 Old 12-18-2008, 03:55 AM
 
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becoming an orphan sucks at any age; as the months pass, you'll find inner strengths and resources you never knew you had;

wild.gif  kickin' it old school
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#5 of 22 Old 12-18-2008, 04:02 AM
 
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I'm sorry, my heart goes out to you.

I hope you find some peace through the holidays.
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#6 of 22 Old 12-18-2008, 04:34 AM
 
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first i want to tell you how sad i feel for all that you are going through. one thing after another. you family. and now your parents home has been 'violated' too.

susana i am not sure if this is going to help or not. but while reading your stuff it came up for me so thought i'd share. just ignore it if it doesnt help you out.

one of my friends for whom i have deep respect when she discovered something had been stolen instead of being upset said oh i hope they needed it more than i did. sorta kinda she was happy that they needed it more.

and that really helped me. i have lost some valuable and sentimental things too. stolen. and i have been able to get in touch with that part of me. it became a sacred gesture for me. since being a mommy is what moves me a lot i imagined that a parent in need had to steal and that it was my donation to help them thru hard times. and since it had a lot of sentiment to it - whoever received the object or money or both - somehow it transormed their lives for the better. i was able to connect with that feeling too when my dd's bike was stolen from our front yard. and it took the pain and anger away but instead felt like a contribution - a far deeper and meaningful contribution than if i myself had voluntarity donated it.

a new year is just round the corner. hope it goes better for you!!!!

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#7 of 22 Old 12-18-2008, 10:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you everyone

meemee, I had thought of that. When I got the call about my parents' house I felt sick for a second and then I instantly began to wonder what was gone. and then I wondered whose life is so messed up that they steal from dead people. Yikes, what a life they must have, right?

after my sisters and I filled out the police report I took my kids (they are teens) down to the cemetery to put flowers on the graves (it was one month to the day mom passed)
I stood there, snow blowing around like crazy, and I looked at their graves and said out loud, "well, your house got robbed!" and weird as it seems, I had a comforting feeling that neither of of my parents cares too much, where ever they are, that their house was broken into, ransacked, and a few things were taken. I think on the other side crap like this must not matter too much. My kids and I chuckled...being robbed isn't funny, but with everything I have been through this year, my words made us laugh. 2008 has been ridiculous.

I've lost the 2 most important things that were in that house and they can't be hurt anymore and for that I am grateful. I'm also grateful nothing like this ever happened when they were alive. Now that would have been traumatizing.

ahh well...another day without them..another day closer to the holidays...I'm going to make cookies and do that thing where I put one foot in front of the other...
thanks for all your kind replies, everyone
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#8 of 22 Old 12-19-2008, 08:45 PM
 
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I've lost the 2 most important things that were in that house and they can't be hurt anymore and for that I am grateful. I'm also grateful nothing like this ever happened when they were alive. Now that would have been traumatizing.

I know just what you mean, mom mom died a little over a year ago, last month my nephew overdosed and i know my brother is in so much pain but I am so grateful mom is not here, I just don't think she could take it.

Mom to DD born 1989 DS born 1993 and grandma to
DGS born 2005
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#9 of 22 Old 12-19-2008, 09:48 PM
 
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I'm so sorry that you are going through this pain. Sometimes life overwhelms you with sorrow that you feel that your heart and soul cannot possibly take anymore.
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#10 of 22 Old 12-20-2008, 12:01 AM
 
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Just wanted to say someone else is thinking about you and hoping you are feeling some comfort.
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#11 of 22 Old 12-20-2008, 11:16 AM
 
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Wow momma....that is a LOT! I hope that life becomes more gentle to you....s to you for your parents

True Love is here....to stay!
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#12 of 22 Old 12-21-2008, 10:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you for all the kind words and the hugs. they truly do make me feel better!!!
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#13 of 22 Old 12-21-2008, 09:30 PM
 
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Oh Susana, that is so awful. I am waiting for this year to be over. Too much loss and sadness.

Hugs to you and your family over the next few weeks. May the loving spirits of your parents surround you with love and warmth through the holidays. Blessings.
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#14 of 22 Old 12-22-2008, 12:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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May the loving spirits of your parents surround you with love and warmth through the holidays. Blessings.
this is so beautifully said..made me tear up. thank you so much Igraine.
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#15 of 22 Old 12-22-2008, 09:53 PM
 
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Thank you, Susana. I feel so moved by your story.

I have a sweet story. I was taking a rather informal class to make a heavy baby link for a picture:

http://www.joyswaldorfdolls.com/doll...ittle_baby.htm)

for my daughter. One of the teachers was this sweet lovely teacher. She was on the phone talking to her youngest daughter (I am the youngest) and she was so tender and kind, I tried so hard not to cry. She just looked at me and said, "I think they need you more when they are older, not less." I agreed and I told her about my mom and my recent loss. She told me about her mom in her 80's with dementia and how she had to bring her mom to her house for some errands. She told me how she gave her mom one of the heavy babies to hold while she finished some phone calls. And her mom held the baby doll and cuddled her like a real babe. The teacher then asked her mom (Who is Jewish) if she would be ok if they named that particular baby after her (she explained that you do not name someone after a family member unless they have passed). Her mother just held the sweet baby to her cheek and said "Yes". I was totally crying at that point. And she asked if she could hug me. What a beautiful person.

I think I will name my dd's baby after my mom.
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#16 of 22 Old 12-23-2008, 11:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Igraine, that is an incredibly sweet story. I have a soft spot for those who have dementia.

I think it would be wonderful if you named the baby for your mom. what is your mom's name?

my mom's name is Irene. and I am missing her and my dad (Bernie) heavily tonight.
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#17 of 22 Old 12-24-2008, 11:13 AM
 
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My mom's name is Jean and I thought I would name the doll Jeanne, which is what my aunts and uncles called my mom. I was just staring at the Christmas tree last night thinking about her. She loved Christmas so much. My step-dad was going through the Christmas decorations and just got overwhelmed by it all. He did decorate a little because he knows that is what she would want.

I think part of why I had a connection with your original post about your mom's passing is because my middle name is Irene. I love that name (now, I hated it as a kid).

Take care.
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#18 of 22 Old 12-25-2008, 01:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Irene is mom's middle name too
Mary Irene.

Well, I broke down at my husband's family get together tonight. I would have been all right but FIL asked me how I was holding up and I answered "fine" and everyone looked at me. I said it was all an act, that I was miserable and that my happy face is an act. MIL said I was good at acting like everythign is okay..that I did "great" at both of my parents' funerals.

it hit me like ton of bricks. Both of my parents' funerals.

I had to go to the bathroom and cry. A couple of times. My husband came looking for me, and my kids wanted to take me home, but we stayed. I was pretty quiet all night, and I am usually the life of the party.

My daughter just cried her little eyes out missing mom and dad. I'm going to go lay down with her and watch Willy Wonka.

I sure do miss my parents.
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#19 of 22 Old 12-26-2008, 10:43 AM
 
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Hugs to you Susana. Sorry you had such a tough day.

I am proud of you for being honest and showing your true feelings. Your MIL is probably one of those people who would rather not be uncomfortable so she was trying to encourage you to hide your feelings for everyone's benefit (not trying to judge your MIL, most people are like this). The truth is, it does not benefit anyone to hide your feelings all the time. Now, at work, I can't go around crying my eyes out or being miserable to whoever because I am mad at cancer or pissed off at the universe. But I should be able to cry with those who understand.

Did you do anything to honor your parents? We made gingerbread houses (my mom did this with the kids last year) and the doll I made was really in my mom's memory because she made dolls for me when I was little. It felt good to do that sort of thing.
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#20 of 22 Old 12-26-2008, 04:00 PM
 
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Wow Susana,
that is enough already. I understand your pain as I have too lost my parents, 3 sibs, and my dh.
Holidays are heavy and just getting through is like a marathon some days.

I am hoping 2009 brings you peace and a glimmer of joy. HUGS

MB, mama to three, soulmate to one, pioneering cloth to many since 2002!
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#21 of 22 Old 12-28-2008, 07:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Did you do anything to honor your parents? We made gingerbread houses (my mom did this with the kids last year) and the doll I made was really in my mom's memory because she made dolls for me when I was little. It felt good to do that sort of thing.

thanks Igraine (again) for all that you have said here.
I did do as much as I could to honor mom and dad this holiday season. I think my best action was to be with my sisters, whom I have had some trouble with lately, this holiday season. We just had a party last night together...my parents' old and new neighbors came along with many friends. It was good to be able to celebrate the season with people who are missing mom and dad, too. I thought about mom and dad often last night and wondered if they were watching all of us together.

Your gingerbread house sounds lovely and the doll is so precious.
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#22 of 22 Old 12-28-2008, 07:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am hoping 2009 brings you peace and a glimmer of joy. HUGS
thank you so much Ifluffed
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