Anyway, I have never known anyone well whom has died. I cried a little, but mostly it feels very surreal and I am confused about how to feel. She died yesterday, on Christmas. She (my friend) had just e-mailed me on Christmas eve... I just feel kind of lost and upset.
I feel like I should go to the book store and buy a book on loss or something. I just don't know how to deal with this, as it feels very sudden...The last time we spoke was over the phone a few months ago and she was just out of rehab (again).
I am also not religious, and not very sure if I believe in god...ironically I was just questioning if I was agnostic or an athiest this morning...so I don't really know how I feel about where she is now, or the "she is with me" "she is in a better place.."
I honestly just keep hoping that her mother will tell me that she was just playing a cruel prank on me or something. I am in such disbelief. What do I do now? I feel like I should be sobbing and laying in bed for months distraught, but I don't internally feel that way....yet I feel if I am not that sad on the outside I am forgetting her or not caring enough or something.
I am sorry for her family -- sudden loss through the pain of addiction is very hard to deal with.
FWIW, I'm an atheist and it doesn't cause me sadness to think that my loved ones are not somewhere watching me. I believe that energy continues, and the energy that my loved ones carried is just assimilated into the energy that makes up the universe. I think that's pretty awesome.
Sorry for your loss.
Hang in there and I don't know if you need to know about the bigger picture right now, god, no god, maybe god, ....I think what is most important at this time is your tender feelings. Stay there and worry about a 'greater place'..later.
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HUGS to you hon. It's so terrible to think about.
A friend of ours died recently from a heroin overdose We were not really close and hadn't seen him in over a year but it was still hard to accept.
I think that death as a result of drugs is difficult because it is often unexpected (even if they had a long term problem, it seems like overdosing happens to people you don't know), but yet it's different than say a car accident because you tend to blame the user for essentially causing their own death. I would equate it more with suicide than anything else, even if said person wasn't trying to end their life with drugs, yk?
In the end, though, your friend is still gone -- regardless of the cause. you have to mourn and remember the good times, try not to concentrate on the reason they passed. I found this helpful because I did not want my memories of our friend to focus on his drug use and his demise as a result of it.
I'm sorry, again. And hope you have a strong support system to work thru your grief and your feelings regarding your friends death.
The drug aspect is very hard for me to deal with because my father isn't apart of my life (though he is alive) because of his struggle with drugs. I constantly wonder if this is how he will pass away.
I keep saying out loud and in my head when thinking about my friend, "R--------- is dead" as though some how by saying it I will drill the reality into my mind. I was also talking to my mom about how I have this need to see her...open casket, or I even said "I wonder if police took pictures" which sounds strange to me, but my mom said it might be my way of seeking closure, of knowing without a doubt she is gone.
btw, I have a good support system, I have a huge need to talk about her, and tell people that my friend is gone. I think I have a few I would feel comfortable talking about this with and whom would be good listeners.
I don't think it's a bad thing to want to see your friend. It was a common practice to take death pictures back in the day- a way to not only remember, but to provide proof that one had passed.
You don't have to believe in 'god' or life after to process death. You could focus on the fact that she's no on drugs now... that she's maybe finally at peace. This world is a difficult place, and many of us are not able to 'be' here. Maybe that is something that could bring you comfort.
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