Learned of a death via Facebook and I am not taking it well. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 03-02-2009, 09:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I checked Facebook this morning, as I always do, and found a friend had posted "Goodbye, (Her Ex-Husband). He left us this weekend peacefully, and his suffering is over. Safe passage." (I am paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it.)

I had lost touch with him a few years back, after my own divorce, but we'd become reacquainted, yep, via Facebook. He was never in good health--was born with bad kidneys and had a transplant--so this isn't particularly surprising. But it is shocking. It's always shocking to find out someone your own age has died.

And it's doubly shocking to learn about it via someone else's Facebook status update. (I'm not blaming her or anything--she was still very close with her ex, even though they had both moved on years ago, and she is grieving very hard.)

I'm not sure what to do. I didn't know his family at all, the funeral will be far out of town, and the idea of posting a condolence message on a dead person's Facebook page is off-putting to me.

Sigh.

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
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#2 of 6 Old 03-02-2009, 09:54 PM
 
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Sorry for your loss. If I were you I would send a message via facebook rather than post it that way it remains private.

Mom to Iris and Henry
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#3 of 6 Old 03-02-2009, 11:17 PM
 
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That's hard. I hope that you have safe places to talk about it.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#4 of 6 Old 03-02-2009, 11:52 PM
 
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I'd google his name, and find his obituary and then send a condolence card to the family listed (or make a donation to the designated charity--the names of donors will be sent to the family).

I'm sorry for your loss.
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#5 of 6 Old 03-05-2009, 11:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks.



Someone is updating his Facebook status, with things like "...is in heaven watching all of you shovel snow," "...is in heaven drinking a glass of wine with Grandma," and a few that were just inappropriate and will not be repeated here.

It's kinda creepy (especially the inappropriate ones) but I don't want to defriend him, either.

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
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#6 of 6 Old 03-10-2009, 02:23 PM
 
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My best friend was murdered, and she's still on my Facebook friends list seventeen months later. I remember clicking on "who's online now", and seeing her name a few days after I found out... I just burst into tears, thinking that someone was playing a cruel trick and we hadn't lost her. I still have the print screen of "her" being online on Facebook for the last time.

You don't need to remove your lost loved one from your Facebook. You'll find that people will digitally congregate there to share memories, which helps to know others feel similar to you.

Take care of yourselves.
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