My Father in Law is dying..... - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-13-2009, 10:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,

My father in law is in the end stages of mestaticized prostrate cancer, and they have just decided to initiate hospice care.

I am flying out to stay with them for a week, and am not sure how I can help, but want to, as I love my in-laws very much. My father in law is a very reserved, private person, and he does not really want to be seen by others right now. He is understandably depressed.

If you have been in this situation before, any ideas for making this time productive, reflective, meaningful, as good for him as possible, would be great.

He is into geneology, and has sent me all of the things he has compiled, so I thought I could read through some of it and ask him to tell me about certain parts, and record it. If he is up for it.

He has always been a little hard to connect with, but has always been very good and decent to me and my family. My MIL and I are very close, and I think supporting her is the main thing for me being out there, but I want to do what I can to comfort him.

I will also be worried about my husband, home with the kids while he is upset and worried as well. We couldn't all go, it is too overwhelming for them right now.

L.
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Old 07-14-2009, 02:56 AM
 
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BLessings to you for being with them at this time. I think your idea on the geneology is good if he is feeling up to talking about it.

Is it hospice at his home or a hospice center? If it is at his home, being able to help out by doing laundry, cooking for his wife and family, sitting with him so he isn't alone is all helpful. You may even want to help out with linen changes or feeding him if he is up to small sips of things.

Be prepared dying is as difficult or more so than labor is. Sorry, but when I was there for my MOm's death, I had no idea it took so long and was so hard...

Your kids and husband will be okay, now is the time for the person leaving this world.
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Old 07-14-2009, 02:10 PM
 
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You can have a 'top 10' list of things to achieve per day that will help to fend off depression, e.g., walk to park, crafts, favorite type of exercise, person to call, or inspirational reading. You need to find out if those in small communities have access to hospice. Many do not. Just remember this:Keep your family together and make the most out of it. After all, the situation is already crucial, precious time is to be considered.
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:29 PM
 
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I think your ideas are good.
Just being there and asking them what you can do for them is a plan.

I hope your time together is as good as it can be. HUGS

MB, mama to three, soulmate to one, pioneering cloth to many since 2002!
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your responses and thoughts. I am here, and we had a good day. I think we are on the right track. We had our intake with a hospice nurse, and we got a good book from her with suggestions/describing what to expect/what services are included, and they all seem to mesh with the questions I had.

Thanks again.

L.
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