My dad's first b-day since he passed away - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 11-16-2009, 03:19 PM - Thread Starter
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Today is my dad's birthday. He died suddenly in March. Several people have suggested I celebrate his birthday anyway or honor him somehow but I just don't feel like it. I just feel very sad and still shocked that he is gone. It feels so strange not to be celebrating with him, kwim? This has been so devastating to our family. My dad was such an anchor for all of us. My step-mother, my sisters, my nieces and nephews, we are all just devastated.

I just keep waiting for memories of him to feel fond, like, "Oh, remember when dad would do this?" with a smile. But I don't feel that way at all. I just feel sad and upset and shocked that he is gone. I can't even have pictures of him up in my house, it just makes me overwhelmed with sadness. My son has pictures in his room, that's fine, I know it helps him remember his grandfather.

What comes to my mind when I think of him being gone is that there's a hole in my heart. A piece of me is gone.
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#2 of 4 Old 11-16-2009, 06:51 PM
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Oh, I'm so sorry . . .

Empty-nesting SAHM to DS1 (1989) and DS2 (1992). Caregiver to my mother (1930). Married to DH since 1986.
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#3 of 4 Old 11-16-2009, 08:56 PM
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at my mom's first birthday after her death, we (the kids and anybody else who wanted to come) had a birthday party at my sisters house. there were lots of tears and lots of hugs and lots of laughter too (mom would have wanted it that way) its just that it made her so happy when we were all together it felt like such an honor to her to do that. even though it was hard, it was healing.

Mom to DD born 1989 DS born 1993 and grandma to
DGS born 2005
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#4 of 4 Old 11-17-2009, 06:29 PM
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You should do what feels right for you. Grief is different for everyone, and it changes over time. You may feel like honoring your dad with a party next year-- or not. Either way is fine. It's ok to feel sadness, though. It's not healthy to hold it back, and if that means crying non-stop for a long time, that's what you do.

When my dad died, two years ago, I just cried through my day. Diapered the baby, washed the dishes, made dinner, etc., all while crying. I still sit down every so often and cry really hard, as if it just happened yesterday.

Big hugs to you,

Trish: Mama to Buckaroo , Sweet P :, and Obo Difficult wife of Rick :
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