Never got to know my mother - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-28-2009, 06:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's been almost 6 months since my mother died, and I feel lots of sadness and REGRET. She was only a few weeks shy from turning 64. She was never a very healthy person, and she was going downhill slowly for almost a year... but still.

My mother was the sweetest, gentlest, kindest person I have ever known. She struggled with mental illness her whole life. She was constantly on meds. She had horrible anxiety, so she literally stayed home all day and sat in her favorite chair.. and I feel sad that she never lived life to the fullest... she wasted her one chance. I wish she would have been able to experience more things. She lived life afraid. I wish I would have tried to help her more--should have pushed her to come out of her shell and LIVE while she could.

We never had that mother/daughter relationship--we never went anywhere together, never had any real heart-to-heart discussions. She was just... there. I wish I would have sat down and talked to her more. I never got to KNOW her. REALLY know her. I am beyond sad that I will never have the chance to do so.

She passed away just before she was able to meet my new baby girl. They never met. DD was 9 weeks old when my mother died. She was in a convalescent home, and the flu was running rampant there. I was just going to wait another week or two and bring DD to finally meet her. But then she got really sick, ended up ICU, and that was that. Why didn't I bring her SOONER? Why did I think I had all this time?? I was able to tell my mother our daughter's name though, and that does help a little. At least she knew her name.

And seeing my dad now without her, that's tough. It would have been their 49th anniversary on Dec. 9th.

Thanks for listening

Tired mommy to a 2, 4, and 6 year old!
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Old 12-28-2009, 08:49 PM
 
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I'm sorry you lost your mom. It sounds like she had a very difficult life, but that you're a better person for having known her. I hope you know that you carry around all the good from her with you and that you'll pass it down to your daughter. In that way she'll always know her grandmother even though she was never able to meet her.

Rebecca, CPST, Navy wife to Chris, furmama to Fenway
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Old 12-29-2009, 01:07 AM
 
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Old 01-09-2010, 12:48 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. It must be so hard to know she was so close to meeting your daughter. I'm sending you love and light as you grapple with your loss.

SAHM to flower.gif DD1 8/06 , loveeyes.gif DD2 8/09 , and bfinfant.gifDD3 9/12  married to geek.gif 6/99.  We homeschool.gif, cd.gif, homebirth.jpg, familybed2.gif, and lots of wash.gif and dishes.gif.

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Old 04-04-2010, 02:27 AM
 
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I just lost my mom on 3/17 it has been hard. My mom also suffered a lot of the things you mentioned possibly not to the same extreme but strikingly similar enough for me to respond. Thankfully I was able to have a good relationship for the most part....I know how you feel about your dad mine is just lost. I pray you find peace in all of this. The best we can do is talk about them often so our children still have a chance to know them.

I just love the way kisses make ''booboo's'' all better.
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