My father just dumped me - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-03-2010, 01:37 PM
 
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I know it has been a while since this post, but I wanted to chime in quickly.

First, I wanted to say thank you, Sage, for your honesty and willingness to discuss this here. I came searching to see if anyone (like me) was dealing with the estrangement of a parent, and this was very helpful to read through.

Second, I wanted to add the perspective of a fellow woman and mother who is going through this. My mom and I had a falling out a few years ago. At first, I thought that it might pass as dramas with her usually have. Unfortunately, things have never gotten better.

Last year, I tried once again to reconcile things with her. I was due with my fourth child, and I invited her to come and visit when he was born, reminding her that this could be an opportunity for us to find a way to make a fresh start. She rejected me wholeheartedly, even said that she had meditated and spoken to my grandparents (who are both deceased) and that they told her to "let me go." Imagine that, my dead grandparents sided with her on this one from the beyond, so I was rejected by not just one but TWO generations.

The hardest part is acceptance. I can't make my mother treat me differently. I can't change how she perceives me. My parents also divorced a long time ago and she is very bitter that I have a relationship -- and a good one at that -- with my bio dad. I can't change her feelings and I can't get back the years that I have lost with her and the ones my children have lost as well.

I struggle daily with the loss. Mostly, I am scared. I have a terrible fear that someday my children will reject me as well. My oldest is 10 and starting to ask questions. I don't know how to explain this situation to him in a way that he can understand. I feel angry with her for putting me in this position.

I don't have any advice, just commiseration. This has been incredibly difficult. I hope therapy and time will help you through this experience. *hugs*

Mom to : DS1 (11), DS2 (8), DD3 (4), : DS4 (1), and : : :
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Old 05-06-2010, 02:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cymbeline View Post

I struggle daily with the loss. Mostly, I am scared. I have a terrible fear that someday my children will reject me as well. My oldest is 10 and starting to ask questions. I don't know how to explain this situation to him in a way that he can understand. I feel angry with her for putting me in this position.

I don't have any advice, just commiseration. This has been incredibly difficult. I hope therapy and time will help you through this experience. *hugs*
It is incredibly difficult. My deceased mother was an addict. She repeatedly overdosed in the last three years. We argued bitterly about it and about her drug use around my children. I finally told her that she couldn't see the children or me until she got clean. She died in a car wreck March without getting clean. (She was high and crossed the center line into on-coming traffic.) I hadn't seen her in 17 months.

I share your fear about your kids rejecting you. At the same time, I know that I'm a much better mother than my mother was. She had kids at a very young age and hated it. I had kids at an older age and love it. I have a very different relationship with my kids. I'm going to work hard on being a mom that they want to be around when they're adults.
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