I may never have another child.... - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-06-2010, 10:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Earlier this week we lost our third baby. I feel that I'm not only grieving another baby but I'm grieving my childbearing years. We can't keep going through this, my dh and I 'may' go through the testing for reoccuring losses and see if we can 'fix' the problem. We 'may' try to adopt one day. But honestly I feel this could be it, I need to accept our family is complete and be happy in that.

I'm so hurt right now, really I'm angry. WHY??? Why couldn't we keep at least one of the 3 babies. I understand many women suffer miscarriages and some deliever stillborns, I accepted that as a reality of childbearing. But why can so many women go on and have another baby. Why can so many families decide when they are done, that decision was taken from us.

I know noone has the answer, only God knows and one day we will understand. One day I will be with my sweet babies in Heaven. But right now on Earth, I hurt.

-Becky
DH 10/01, DS 1/04, DS 1/06, DS 5/09 (born sleeping), DD 4/11
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Old 03-06-2010, 10:50 PM
 
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so sorry for your loss.

Heather-- I'm a <>< SAHM of two fabulous boys 8/05 and 2/07
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Old 03-07-2010, 02:00 AM
 
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Be gentle with yourself. I notice your miscarriages are quite close together. Your body has been through a lot. Listen to your body and give your body and spirit a chance to heal. All is not lost just yet.

Sign hanging in Albert Einstein's office at Princeton: Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted, counts.
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Old 03-07-2010, 03:26 AM
 
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I'm very sorry for your losses, too. There is no rhyme or reason to how family works out for different people, and that injustice is very hard to accept. I hope you can find medical answers, or peace, or both. Thinking of you.
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Old 03-10-2010, 11:28 PM
 
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I'm very sorry

I have no answers, just know you aren't alone. We went through so many years of difficulty with our son having heart surgeries. I always imagined we would get an easy experience with the next baby, I guess to balance it out? And then it was just miscarriage, miscarriage...it is hard to have that decision taken from you, as you said... I always thought I'd have 4 children.

It took me 6-9 months after each miscarriage to feel normal again. Be gentle with yourself right now. The hormones and grief are strong. It is comforting to think that I DO have three children, I just won't get to know two of them in this world.

Mother is the word for God on the hearts and lips of all little children--William Makepeace Thackeray
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Old 03-11-2010, 01:20 AM
 
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It took us a year after losing our daughter to even think about trying again, and then when we actually started trying again a few months later, we were met with trouble conceiving, something I had never had an issue with. Now a year later, we’ve only begun to really scratch the surface of my infertility issues. I don’t have a lot of answers yet, and I’m young enough to have time to figure it out… but… a big part of me just feels really down about it all, so I’m already trying to come to terms with the possibility of never having another child. That sounds really pessimistic, but, it’s where I’m at right now.

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Why can so many families decide when they are done, that decision was taken from us.
I hear that. I also have a tough time dealing with all of the "oops" pregnancies I seem to be surrounded by in life. It's so hard.

You're not alone. Peace to you~

Liz om.gif Lovin' DH partners.gif DS (12) coolshine.gif and forever missing DD angel3.gif (12/02/07) ribbonpb.gif
From the withered tree, a flower blooms~ He's here!!! So crazy in love with my  rainbow1284.gif  boy!!! 12/14/11 luxlove.gif fly-by-nursing1.gif

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Old 03-11-2010, 09:02 PM
 
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My last pregnancy ended in a loss. It took years to get over the fact that we wouldn't have anymore children, because I was never able to get pregnant again. My only child is 20 and I'm in my mid 40s. Now I'm just looking forward to grandchildren someday.
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Old 03-12-2010, 12:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you ladies.

-Becky
DH 10/01, DS 1/04, DS 1/06, DS 5/09 (born sleeping), DD 4/11
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Old 03-14-2010, 12:37 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your losses.
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Old 03-23-2010, 05:07 PM
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Please accept my condolences for your loss

If it is meant for you to have a third child, believe that it will happen! Either way, give thanks to your Deity of Choice for the children you were blessed with; they are gifts
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Old 04-10-2010, 11:17 PM
 
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I'm so sorry, Becky.
I really understand. I'm just going through my second miscarriage and my third loss - my first baby was stillborn - and I desperately want a second living child.
I'm 37 and I feel the clock ticking.
What I'm hanging onto is the what I read in a great book, "Coming to Term" by Jon Cohen. He argues that most miscarriages are caused by random chromosomal problems and that even after multiple miscarriages most women will carry their next pregnancy to term.
Please don't think I'm telling you to keep putting your heart on the line if it's just too much. If you feel like this is the end, I understand why. It's so, so hard, mama.
We're here for you

Megan, loving her sweet rainbow1284.gif boys, born Aug. 2008 and Feb. 2011, and their sister, born still March 2007 candle.gif
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