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#61 of 93 Old 04-27-2010, 01:57 AM
 
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I am so sorry for you loss. I've read your story twice and it is so touching.

Megan

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#62 of 93 Old 04-29-2010, 06:43 PM
 
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and prayers for you to find peace in your heart.

Glenn bouncy.gif 11*09 Joe 4*04 peace.gif Me praying.gif & Hubby geek.gif

 

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#63 of 93 Old 04-29-2010, 08:13 PM
 
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I am so so sorry for you loss.
My prayers for peace for you and your family.

MB, mama to three, soulmate to one, pioneering cloth to many since 2002!
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#64 of 93 Old 05-04-2010, 10:34 AM
 
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Your little one will be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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#65 of 93 Old 05-31-2010, 10:38 PM
 
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Megan Olivia

My heart breaks and I'm in tears for you, Mama.

Kaiti, in heartbeat.gif with Shane, astrological mama to spitdrink.gif Sophie *12.27.05*, praying.gif Maya *09.25.07*, sleepytime.gif Phoenix *08.23.09* & 3rdtri.gif due *12.04.11*  Having a hbac.gif waterbirth.jpg lotbirth.gif after 3 cesareans!

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#66 of 93 Old 06-04-2010, 01:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just wanted to check in. I'm trying to be better about posting here but its still hard to break out of the grief section lol.

There is still no news on Megan. There has been no new developments so Im sure they will diagnose her with SUDC, basically toddler SIDS.

I'm doing, im moving forward as much as I dont want to. I miss her so much, my heart hurts for her so much. I hope that no one here ever has to go through this.

Ill hear people say how they could never do it, they coudlnt' go on etc and I just want to laugh. I feel crass, sometimes in my other online group i want to say things jokingly like i belong to the dead kid club and then i back up and realize other people might take offense or feel awkward about it but its a way ive had to heal. And ive always had that kind of sense of humour.

Im constantly feelling like Im the one walking on egg shells when hello IM THE ONE who had the kid die. You start to feel crazy and the thoughts and the fears are just never ending.

My patience level is just gone and yet I have more than i used to sometimes. Life is just a whirlwind.

Sometimes I dont' know how i manage to breathe everyday and make it through and then others I wonder how I managed to make it through with only one cry. I cry every day sometimes no more than a eye watering and then sometimes those awful back breaking sobs.

Its hard.

I miss her so much. My sweet angel.

I'm trying to get good about blogging and I copied and pasted a bunch of my blogs from facebook into blogger. It helps to write and it helps to know people read my writings.
Its not pretty like some people lol im definitley a newbie at it
http://mamajamajenny.blogspot.com/

anyways there is my update thank you all for the support and kindness

Jennifer, Proud army wife to Michael. Mother to Emily age 6 and Megan, my little angel who is now forever 18 months old. I miss you baby girl (9-2-08 to 3-10-10)
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#67 of 93 Old 06-12-2010, 01:33 AM
 
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I'm crying for your loss mama. I am so sorry.

Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010

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#68 of 93 Old 06-12-2010, 10:49 PM
 
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It just breaks my heart. I am so sorry you have had to go through this.

Student/Working Mama notes.gifgeek.gif
to DD 1dust.gif & DD 2energy.gif & engaged to DFpartners.gif

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#69 of 93 Old 06-23-2010, 04:43 PM
 
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I'm so sorry mama... I've lost a little girl too. I have Bella now, I had her 15 months after Josie died, but I have a Josie shaped spot in my heart that will be there forever. I can only say that I know how you feel to a certain extent, having lost a child myself.

I wish I could hug you. I'm so sorry. I wish this never, ever had to happen.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
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#70 of 93 Old 06-23-2010, 10:30 PM
 
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I read some of your blog...many
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#71 of 93 Old 06-23-2010, 11:18 PM
 
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Oh my! Mama, I am so sorry for what has happened to you and your little family. I agree with pps about your intuition as a mother. You did everything right. You are still doing everything right. My MIL lost her son to an accident more than 25 years ago and still grieves for her little boy. We expect for our children to outlive us.
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I feel crass, sometimes in my other online group i want to say things jokingly like i belong to the dead kid club and then i back up and realize other people might take offense or feel awkward about it but its a way ive had to heal. And ive always had that kind of sense of humour.
My sister and I got through many moments two summers ago when our mother died by yelling "MY MOM DIED...what do you expect from me!" Keep your sense of humor and use it around those who can handle it. You'll find those people if you haven't yet. People who you will have expected to support you may disappoint you, but others will take their places. You'll see. I have not lost a child, so I cannot speak to your experience, but I have had my share of loss. Another joke of ours is "who does god think we are, Job?" Your life is going to continue to evolve as it is meant to and you will get through it day by day. Your daughter will keep you going. Remember at the end of the day to be grateful for the things you still have. My husband will often tell me "you've got a pillow to put your head on and that's more than a lot of people have." One last thing - when people say the wrong things, just try to blow it off. They are doing the best they can too.

Loving my little family life with DH of 6 years and DD 12/22/09. Cloth diapering, exclusive nursing, whole food eating, summer loving public school teacher.
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#72 of 93 Old 06-28-2010, 01:08 AM
 
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I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your daughter. I am so sorry. I have no words.

wife - mother - midwife

CIRCUMCISION

The more you know, the worse it gets.

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#73 of 93 Old 06-28-2010, 01:51 AM
 
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I am so sorry mama. I too have lost a daughter. Much love and peace to you rand your family.

Scarlett bfinfant.gif , DH Boris geek.gif , DS 1/29/08 Julian kid.gif DD2 6/7/12 babygirl.gif missing our DD 1/06/06 Sonja angel3.gif and MC @ 9 wks 11/18/06 Satchel  angel.gif

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#74 of 93 Old 07-01-2010, 11:39 PM
 
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Oh momma I am so sorry for your loss Your Megan lives with every person who reads your story.

Married to the love of my life, mom to DS :
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#75 of 93 Old 07-06-2010, 09:58 PM
 
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So very, very sorry.....

Megan

)O(   Far-away Mama to: Pooka (16)...Alex (14)...Mickie-Lamb (13)...Solo Mama to: Punkin' Seed (8)...Tootsie Pop (6)...Lil' Man (3) and a yikes2.gif due February 2012

~~~~ribbonpurple.gifDV Survivor/Fibroribbonpurple.gif~~~~ 

4***8***12***16***20***24***28***32**heartbeat.gif36***40

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#76 of 93 Old 07-07-2010, 12:02 AM
 
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Sending you and Megan love and best wishes. All your love for each other comes across so clearly in your posting and the description of your relationship is beautiful. Thank you for sharing and I hope peace comes your way.
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#77 of 93 Old 07-07-2010, 12:11 AM
 
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I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. s

Mommy to THREE sweet boys & ONE sweet girl + a newb due in February!  I need a nap. 
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#78 of 93 Old 07-21-2010, 05:17 AM
 
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I am so so so so sorry for your loss. It is not fair, and there is no way a mama should ever have to experience what you are experiencing. Your story hits home for me so hard, as I have a 14 mo old, I can only imagine the pain of losing her, and I imagine it is the absolute worst pain and nightmare possible and then even worse than that. My prayer for you and your husband is that someday, somehow, you are able to find some bit of peace and healing.

mama to DD9, coolshine.gif DS7 bouncy.gif and DD1.luxlove.gif

 
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#79 of 93 Old 07-27-2010, 06:59 AM
 
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Dear Mommy!
My son died from a very low fall 6 days after his 6 months baby vaccine. All I can say it that my heart breaks for you and I will send you the best thoughts!
It has been over 3 years for me and, Mommy, it does get better after a while even though you think it never will!
Sending my love!

Barbara, Mama to Isabel (06/2004), Jake (08/2006-03/2007), Noah (01/2008), and Matteo (07/2011) 
Please always research the safety of vaccines even if your doctor tells you they are harmless! novaxnocirc.gif

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#80 of 93 Old 07-29-2010, 02:02 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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#81 of 93 Old 08-20-2010, 12:29 AM
 
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Hey there! I am so very sorry that you have had to bury your precious, little girl. I wanted to suggest to you a website of someone who understands how you feel. It is by a mother of 9, whom has had to bury three of her children.

http://growingthroughaffliction.com/...tLynnette.html

I hope this is a comforting place for you to find encouragement!

((((HUGS))))
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#82 of 93 Old 08-27-2010, 04:12 PM
 
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hugs are not enough mama, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope those memories of her happiness will stay with you forever.

Samanthawild.gif mama to 5 joy.gif                                                         
 
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#83 of 93 Old 09-13-2010, 05:11 PM
 
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i thank you for sharing your story. What a beautiful spirit both you and Megan have.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree.  ~Marian Wright Edelman
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#84 of 93 Old 09-27-2010, 01:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I forgot about you wonderful ladies. I finally found my way back and I see that my thread is still being posted on and it just made my heart smile. I just wanted to post a little update and then I'm going to save you again to my favorites and hopefully start posting here more often so I can get to know you again.

Life is hard. I'm ok, we are ok. I say this every single day.
I miss Megan so much. Today is 200 days. Can you imagine? 200 days since I got to hold my toddler in my arms. My heart aches for her and her kisses and hugs.

I recently experienced a missed miscarriage. What an awful experience. I've never had a miscarriage before and the whole pregnancy I just thought something was wrong. Kept assuming it was from my grief and the doom that wont seem to leave but turns out that it was bad feelings because the baby died 3 weeks before. I found out when I was 11 weeks, so close to that special first trimester mark. Ironic though, saying oh so close to the first trimester mark, people say the same thing about their kids finally hitting that one year mark. But they still die don't' they.

My 6 year old is in first grade and is doing so well, she amazes me everyday. Thank you for prayers and reading my story

Jennifer, Proud army wife to Michael. Mother to Emily age 6 and Megan, my little angel who is now forever 18 months old. I miss you baby girl (9-2-08 to 3-10-10)
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#85 of 93 Old 09-27-2010, 02:18 AM
 
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hugs mama, I think of you often. It's good to hear how you're doing

do you know that you can "subscribe" to this thread and then you get an email every time that someone writes a new post?
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#86 of 93 Old 10-21-2010, 10:00 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my 4 mo old, so I know the pain you are feeling. It's just not fair :'(
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#87 of 93 Old 05-08-2011, 09:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i have recently had a couple people ask me how I am doing.

I figured I would throw in a little update.

I am still lost but slowly finding myself again. 

I'm still blogging quite often, you can find my blog here http://mamajamajenny.blogspot.com/ or just search for "megan sudc blog"and you will find us that way. 

 

Life is hard without her but I'm healing as well.

Im currenlty 20 weeks pregnant, after a missed miscarriage in Sept 2010 and another in December 2010.   Due again, in September, quite possibly on Megan's due date.

Husband is **** home thankfully.  Emily is thriving and loves school.  She has her moments and they are the hardest to deal with.  Explaining to a 6 year old why you don't really know why shes the only that has lived is not a fun conversation.  Everything is hard but I'm trying.  Its been over a year.  I miss her just as much as I did then, that will never stop. 

Learnign to accept this pain so you can move on, learning that can live again and learning that the guilt does ease up is some of the hardest lessons i have ever learned. 

So thats it, we are still here, still alive. Always hurting but healing as well.

Thank you to those who thought to write and see how I am :)

ElizabethE likes this.

Jennifer, Proud army wife to Michael. Mother to Emily age 6 and Megan, my little angel who is now forever 18 months old. I miss you baby girl (9-2-08 to 3-10-10)
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#88 of 93 Old 05-08-2011, 11:33 PM
 
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Jennifer - I just read your story and I am so very, very sorry for your loss of your precious daughter. Your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers for healing peace, and a healthy pregnancy.


"So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." - Jack Layton
 
 
 
   

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#89 of 93 Old 05-22-2011, 06:36 PM
 
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I wish I could send you some healing, and peace, and to all those who have lost their children. 


Mama to my 2 boys
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#90 of 93 Old 09-13-2011, 09:54 AM
 
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My prayers and blessings go out to you and your family.

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