Friend's (deceased) son's birthday today--what can I do for her? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 05-05-2010, 05:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband and I have recently become good friends with one of his co-workers. She and her husband (who also works there) had just one son, and he died in his teens in an auto accident. I happened to find out this morning that today is their son's 23rd birthday.
I know they miss him every day. She wears a necklace with his photo etched on it (I have never seen her without it). I haven't lost anyone very close to me (except for some babies to late-term miscarriages) and I know I don't really comprehend what it's like to lose someone that you've had years to build a relationship with.
I would really like to do something for them...just something to show that we care about them. I find that my natural inclination is usually to offer comfort with food--to take someone cookies or brownies or fresh-baked bread--and I can certainly do that, but I wonder if maybe there's something better I can do?
Is there someone here who maybe could give me an idea of what would (or could) help you feel loved?

~Jenni, rural frugal Alaskan, eternally married to Dragon
loving my wild things DS Wolf (12), 3 angels, DS Bear (6) & DS Eagle (3)
 

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#2 of 5 Old 05-05-2010, 05:38 PM
 
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In the baked goods department, I would opt for bread rather than cookies or brownies. You're not sending them birthday treats, you're sending them extra sustenance. (That's my interpretation anyway, I'm very sensitive to nuances of meaning in the baked goods I give, although I admit that when people give me baked goods, I don't think about meaning at all. Either it's yummy or it isn't.)

You just want to let these people know you were thinking of them. Bread and sympathy are really excellent things.
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#3 of 5 Old 05-05-2010, 05:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeepyCat View Post
In the baked goods department, I would opt for bread rather than cookies or brownies. You're not sending them birthday treats, you're sending them extra sustenance. (That's my interpretation anyway, I'm very sensitive to nuances of meaning in the baked goods I give, although I admit that when people give me baked goods, I don't think about meaning at all. Either it's yummy or it isn't.)

You just want to let these people know you were thinking of them. Bread and sympathy are really excellent things.
That's an interesting point. I had not thought about it that way. I have an awesome honey oatmeal bread, maybe I'll make some of that. Thanks.

~Jenni, rural frugal Alaskan, eternally married to Dragon
loving my wild things DS Wolf (12), 3 angels, DS Bear (6) & DS Eagle (3)
 

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#4 of 5 Old 05-06-2010, 01:29 AM
 
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I have a friend who lost her 3yo in a auto accident and every yr on oct 27th and March 10 (his birth and death dates) I call her and let her know I am thinking of her and Tyler. I burn a candle on both days as well and tell her this also.

She gets much comfort by this. I was with her through this terrible time and she knows I loved him as well. She says the hardest thing and the thing that hurts her the most is when people act like he never lived for the 3yrs he did.

I know in the begging it was uncomfortable for me to bring it up, but is has been 10 years now and now I am comfortable talking about him to her.

~Katie~ married to J, mom to DD- A 13 yrs ,DS- L 7yrs , and my little nursling DD2- R 5yrs.

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#5 of 5 Old 05-08-2010, 11:47 PM
 
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I agree with Katie--just letting her know you are thinking about her will be a comfort.
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