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#31 of 49 Old 08-16-2010, 05:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cycle View Post
There is a lot you can do without costing you any money. Have you contacted the state department and opened a case? Have you called the FBI? Call social services in England is going to do you no good if you have no kidnapping case filed. With all do respect, I would not be just sitting back waiting for God to bring my son back, I would be doing everything in my power to make it happen.
This. What your ex did was illegal. The EU and the US have agreements for this kind of thing. The longer you wait to actually file a police report, the harder it will be.

A MDC mom (American, living in the EU) took her kids back to the US without their dad's consent. He filed a police report immediately, and she had to return to the country in the EU immediately, was arrested at the airport, and lost primary custody of her sons. So, really, you can act on this *now* via the State Dep't, etc. God helps those who help themselves!
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#32 of 49 Old 08-17-2010, 02:28 AM
 
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I am so sorry. I will pray.

Can you have his grandparents' house monitored by the local police? I do not know the particulars but I imagine your son will show up at that location at some point.
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#33 of 49 Old 08-17-2010, 02:40 AM
 
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Sorry Mama 2

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#34 of 49 Old 08-17-2010, 12:18 PM
 
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I am in the UK and have done a fair bit of legal work.

This was not really my area, but I am 90% sure that what your ex has done is illegal. I am assuming you had custody? In the UK, iirc, if you are divorced odds are pretty good you'd need to go to court to take that child out of the UK-even if you had a residence order and so forth. I don't know exactly how the law works if you are bringing a US citizen into the country illegally, but iirc there is a law that makes it pretty easy to extraditate a UK citizen to the US if they've broken a US law.

It should surely be easy enough for interpol or whoever to find out if and when your son entered the country, and then if he is living normally here, presumably he is in school, registered with a doctor, and so forth, and there will be a record of him. Unless your ex is keeping him hidden, which is probably worthy of police time in and of itself.

With the greatest respect, I really agree that the longer you leave this one, the harder it will be. The police are messing you about, surely. Your son should be easy enough to trace in the UK, if he is in the UK, or failing that, as another poster said, he is going to be in a English speaking country which narrows it down. Make them do their job! YOU should not be having to contact social services-social services won't really deal with this sort of thing, IME, unless there is abuse involved or a kidnapping file open somewhere. But anyway, unless the father is known to them-ie they are concerned about the children in the family-they won't know where your son is. Also, they are overworked and underfunded (I worked in shelters, advice centres, and so on, I know about this)

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#35 of 49 Old 08-17-2010, 12:46 PM
 
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Please fight for him. I will pray for you all.
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#36 of 49 Old 08-17-2010, 02:47 PM
 
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope that you are able to use some of the resources that pp's have mentioned with success. I can't imagine going through this.

I also think that it would be good for you to find someone to talk to, if you haven't already. A clergy member that you trust or a counselor. You don't have to discuss it with people at work, but that is a lot to keep bottled up.

Hang in there mama

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#37 of 49 Old 08-17-2010, 03:10 PM
 
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Mama, thinking of you and your son right now and will continue to do so.

 Single mama to two wild and sweet toddlers 2/08
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#38 of 49 Old 08-17-2010, 03:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Dr.Worm View Post
I was just thinking about the dad who was fighting for years to get his son back from another country and finally did. Does anyone know who I mean? I'm sorry if the details aren't correct...I think something happened like he divorced the mother of his son and then the mother died having another baby and the stepdad took the son to another country. It got a lot of media attention. I know it's a different situation, but as someone already said, the media attention helped.
I remember that, but did not hear a conclusion. I am actually a bit sorry to hear the bio dad got custody, that poor child and all the turmoil in his life.

OP- I am so sorry, what a difficult thing to endure. Can you not get teh childs phone number and do a reverse look-up? Find the address and bring your child back home with you? Which Iam sure you have already thought of, seeing as this is your child

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#39 of 49 Old 08-18-2010, 05:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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nm

Me and my wonderful husband serve God. Blessed with twin girls 2/11/11. <3

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#40 of 49 Old 08-18-2010, 11:49 PM
 
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What are the police saying? Even if he has joint custody I presume that does not mean he can take the child for 6 months? I'm sorry but something is just not making sense here. I hope you can find some answers soon.

eta: I also don't understand why you are keeping it a secret from people?

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#41 of 49 Old 08-19-2010, 01:10 AM
 
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Have you yet reported your son as missing/kidnapped? Do you realize by not doing so (if you have not) it does not look very good for you. It has been several months and you don't have your son back, his father has blatantly broken the terms of the custody agreement. Why aren't you reporting this to anyone who can actually help? Getting the police and international law enforcement involved will cost you absolutely nothing. Have you thought about how your son must feel wondering why you aren't doing anything to find him? I am having a very hard time feeling any empathy or sympathy for you because I keep thinking of your son and how he must be feeling and what I, and most mothers I know, would be doing to get our kidnapped child back. It would consume me and I would be doing every.single.thing I could to find him and get him home. Money is not an issue in finding your son and getting him back. Well it might be now since you have waited so long. You have contact with him, it really shouldn't be that difficult for professionals to find him. Something just does not add up.
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#42 of 49 Old 08-19-2010, 01:25 AM
 
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You have not said you have contacted the State Department, FBI and Interpol. I don't even understand why you would think social services would be any help at all. Do you have a emergency order giving custody to you based on abduction? You can file this yourself and get before that judge and show him what his joint decision has led to. If you get the run around from any of these agencies your next calls need to be to your Congressional Senator and Reps offices, constituent services. Legislators often will register their concerns/appeals with the State Dept. and the country in question. Start thinking big picture, rather than where your son tells you in his phone calls that he (probably isn't able to be truthful about)is.

My father tried to abduct me, but I was old enough that I fought to make sure I got back to my mother. I feel just awful for your little guy!
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#43 of 49 Old 08-19-2010, 04:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by D_McG View Post
What are the police saying? Even if he has joint custody I presume that does not mean he can take the child for 6 months? I'm sorry but something is just not making sense here. I hope you can find some answers soon.

eta: I also don't understand why you are keeping it a secret from people?
This.

If you're doing everything you can, then you should have reported that he has been kidnapped. What exactly are you doing?

Surely there is more to be done (legally!) than checking in on the ex's FB account!

I want to give you support. As someone in an int'l relationship, this is my worse nightmare. But, as I posted up thread, even if he had joint custody, what he did was *illegal*. Again, as I mentioned, this happened (in the other direction) with a MDC mama. If you PM me, I'll give you her information and you can contact her. She was forced to return with the kids and was put on trial for child kidnapping. This stuff is taken very very seriously.

I'm afraid that I have to agree that something is just not adding up.
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#44 of 49 Old 08-19-2010, 05:21 AM
 
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Lots of support and prayers for you and your DS. I hope that you are able to reunite soon. I don't know your story, but I know it's not as simple as calling a couple of places for help too. Best wishes. Will keep you in my heart.
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#45 of 49 Old 08-19-2010, 09:09 AM
 
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My family and I are constantly working on this.
So what have you done so far? Which authorities have you contacted? What have they said to you? Have you contacted the media?

I don't see a lot of proactivity in your post. Repeatedly calling his number and avoiding FB isn't 'constantly working on it'.

Why aren't you bashing down doors for this sweet boy of yours?
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#46 of 49 Old 08-19-2010, 01:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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nm.

Me and my wonderful husband serve God. Blessed with twin girls 2/11/11. <3

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#47 of 49 Old 08-19-2010, 01:20 PM
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Strong Mama, I see you have deleted your posts. I hope you are not feeling judged--I think people are just trying to help you.

I am so sorry for what you are going through and I can't imagine how I would feel in your position--likely almost paralyzed from grief. But you MUST be strong and you MUST start getting on top of this. Please, please, please contact the State Department. Even if he has joint custody, surely it is illegal for him to skip town with his son, all but disappear, and not return. That is not joint custody. That is abduction.

Look, even if the State Department can't help (although hopefully they can), you need to start making a serious paper trail of your actions here. When you son is located and all of this goes to court, you will end up looking like the "bad guy" if you can't demonstrate the steps you took to regain your son. Your ex's lawyer will tear you apart: he'll deny the claim of abduction because, well, you never reported any abduction, so what abduction? Second, he'll portray you as irresponsible because, believing that your son had been abducted, you did nothing to get him back. You watch, he'll use this against you to seek full custody of your son.

Now, PLEASE, don't feel hurt or judged. We are trying to help you.

You NEED to AT LEAST start a paper trail of your actions to use in your defense when it goes to court (which eventually it will). Checking Facebook won't cut it (although it wouldn't hurt to take screen shots occasionally to prove deception on his part). Start by having the State Department open a case. This will AT LEAST show that you made serious efforts to get your son back. AND they may be able to give you real help.

PhDin' mama to dd (Oct. 2005)
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#48 of 49 Old 08-19-2010, 01:34 PM
 
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I was following this thread and I too am sorry that you have been feeling judged. We have no idea what your situation is actually like. I can't imagine being pregnant and dealing with this, it must be so overwhelming.

I think we are all hurting for you and your boy. It is so sad to imagine how his dad is treating him I just wish there was something more I could do, other than say how truly sorry that I am and I cannot imagine your profound grief.

I wonder if you would be interested in posting what state you live in and we could come up with a list of actual phone numbers for you to call so you don't have to go digging around for them.



eta: I wanted to add that I have not been through this with my own child but I have been involved with social services in California and situations that sound similar to yours so that is my experience.
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#49 of 49 Old 08-19-2010, 09:58 PM
 
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Closing this for review.

Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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