Frustrated, wanting support and belonging - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 07-31-2010, 08:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm looking for a MDC forum where I fit in and can get the support, safety, and understanding I need. After my daughter was born in 2002 I became a enthusiastic Mothering subscriber and online user, and loved the boards. I have pointed many women here over the years.

But when my son died in 2006 (planned UBAC ended in hospital transfer, catastrophic rupture and fetal demise with hysterectomy) I could never find a place to be here. I still can't. I'd love to have a place I can go with mamas who have experienced stillbirth, or infant death to process the feelings of loss, pain, quilt, celebration, confusion. I am looking for understanding and support.

Maybe I am missing something? What I can find is this "grief and loss" forum which is okay, but doesn't have the scope I am looking for. There is a pregnancy after loss, conception after loss forum, but I don't want to read about those planning subsequent births. I am on a yahoo group (have been on a few) for infant loss and uterine rupture and the rules are pretty tight as far as what one can post as to keep it safe for the community. If you want to talk about conception or upcoming birth, it goes to another listserve. If you mention living children, you need to label the post as such. For some mamas, it is very jarring to hear about living children, so this gives them a way to not open and read. The point is that there are some major things that add to the feeling of safety and the ability to be vulnerable and share.

Is there a forum I am missing here or a FYT for stillbirth?

I'm frustrated because Mothering seems to have most everything covered, but not this. When I wrote to inquire if I was missing something or if they would consider setting a place up, the response I repeatedly got was that I could go to Pregnancy and Birth loss. Never any other solution, or understanding of what I was looking for. At Pregnancy and Birth loss I have to read thru a million posts of miscarriage or "I'm expecting after multiple m/c" or the like. Don't get me wrong, I am glad that forum exists, and I m not trying to downplay the pain and loss involved with m/c. But it is different, and I am looking for support specific to stillbirth.

I want to talk about this with other mamas who know the journey of stillbirth or infant loss. I love my yahoogroups, but I want belonging at MDC too. Ideas? What am I missing?

Many blessings,

Jaya- unschooling mama to Ariah Rayheartbeat.gif1/02   Rukundo Pacifiquebuddamomimg1.png11/08  

missing Trace Oak candle.gif 10/25/06

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#2 of 5 Old 07-31-2010, 11:33 AM
 
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I could not read your story and not

I am so sorry.
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#3 of 5 Old 07-31-2010, 11:52 AM
 
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I apologize if you've already tried this - but do you realize there are threads just under the general heading "Pregnancy and Birth Loss" - i.e. *not* in the two subforums listed there?
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.

DS 12/22/05 and DD 5/24/09
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#4 of 5 Old 07-31-2010, 02:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, hotmamacita- did you actually search out my birth story? I don't even think I can read it all the way thru at this point in my life. :-( Just so hard.

LimaBean I do realize there is a forum in Pregnancy and Birth loss, but man this just seems like most of the posts don't include stillbirth directly. Maybe that is only when I look?

Jaya- unschooling mama to Ariah Rayheartbeat.gif1/02   Rukundo Pacifiquebuddamomimg1.png11/08  

missing Trace Oak candle.gif 10/25/06

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#5 of 5 Old 08-01-2010, 02:43 PM
 
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Hugs. My second son died 12 hours after his birth almost two years ago. I understand your frustration with the preg and birth loss forums. I go there a lot and find that full term and neonatal losses just aren't as common as miscarriages. There are some moms on here who have had losses such as ours but just not as many. Maybe another thread in the area might be helpful.
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