My Friend Died and I am Mad at HER! - Mothering Forums

Thread Tools
#1 of 16 Old 08-06-2010, 05:47 PM - Thread Starter
homewithtwinsmama's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Maryland
Posts: 3,110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dear friend passed away last week and I found out today (mad about that too but that is another thread). She has four young children including a 5 month old baby who had to be instantly weaned. She had severe asthma and would not take her medications. Her husband pleaded with her, I pleaded with her. She would not. She had two big attacks recently that should have been warnings to her. I am crying for her babies, I am screaming for her unwillingness to do what she could to stay alive. It is just so wrong and awful. The only thing I am comforted by is that she lost a baby in childbirth two years ago and now she is holding her baby angel in heaven.
homewithtwinsmama is offline  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 16 Old 08-06-2010, 06:02 PM
hotmamacita's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 6,976
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am sorry about her death.
hotmamacita is offline  
#3 of 16 Old 08-06-2010, 09:04 PM
lisalu100's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 192
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry for your loss. Those poor children x
lisalu100 is offline  
#4 of 16 Old 08-06-2010, 09:34 PM
Momma Moo Martin's Avatar
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 394
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry for the loss you and your friends' family are feeling right now. That sounds really awful. I agree that your friend must be with her angel baby now. Lots of love and peace to all of you.

Momma to my beautiful blessing pinktongue.gif (Nov '08) and two Spirit babies angel3.gif (Dec '09) and angel2.gif (July '10)
Momma Moo Martin is offline  
#5 of 16 Old 08-06-2010, 09:41 PM
Starflower's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Western WA
Posts: 2,419
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
Starflower is offline  
#6 of 16 Old 08-09-2010, 12:46 AM
Belia's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Chicago-ish
Posts: 1,700
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What a horrible, tragic situation on so many levels. I am so sorry.

And I just want to say that I think being angry at your friend is a pretty normal reaction.

Sleepy mama to Colin Theodore 8-12-08 and Trevor Arthur 7-17-12.



Belia is offline  
#7 of 16 Old 08-09-2010, 12:54 AM
Maluhia's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: in Paradise with my Papaya!
Posts: 4,345
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
anger is totally one of the steps of greiving, feel it and move through.

Your User Agreement here at MDC, read it and make it your friend and read the FAQ to answer all the questions of the (MDC) world.
Maluhia is offline  
#8 of 16 Old 08-09-2010, 04:58 AM
Justmee's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: In the kitchen
Posts: 3,538
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
sorry for your loss

Mom to:

Three big girls  twins.gif (10) + joy.gif (almost 9!); 

One little boy ROTFLMAO.gif(6) and a full on toddler diaper.gif  (8/12) born with TAPVR heartbeat.gif (repaired at 6 days old).

Justmee is offline  
#9 of 16 Old 08-09-2010, 05:05 AM
tallulahma's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: detroit
Posts: 2,609
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my best friend to his drunk driving and there are days, almost 6 years later where i get mad mad mad at him.

Losing a good friend is so very hard, im so so sorry.

~jen~ )O( mama to k 07/05 o 5/08 and c 12/09
tallulahma is offline  
#10 of 16 Old 08-09-2010, 10:19 AM
rainbowmoon's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Vermont
Posts: 10,795
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's hard not to be mad when someone had a hand in their own death. I have no advice really, but just wanted to say it's ok to be mad.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
rainbowmoon is offline  
#11 of 16 Old 08-13-2010, 02:51 PM
Yulia_R's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Lafayette, CO
Posts: 2,832
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I understand how you feel and why. If you ask me, I'd say you have every right to feel that way. She made a bad bad call and all her family is paying for that now and will continue for years to come.

We just lost a close friend to a rock climbing accident over a month ago. He was 38, he was the father of three. A very soothing thought to all his friends and family that he left behind is that he really was doing everything he could to climb safely. He loved climbing like nothing else, so he could not live without it. BUT he did it safely! Every single climber who climbed with him said that he was the safest climber they would ever climb with. He would turn around and go down just few feet away from the top, just because the weather would start not being perfect. it was very soothing to his family (especially his parents) to know that he did EVERYTHING HE COULD to be safe. He didn't put himself out there, he did not risk his life needlessly...ACCIDENTS JUST HAPPEN SOMETIMES NO MATTER WHAT. What happened to him was almost unheard of (two super rare things happened one after the other, leading to a fall and instant death). Plus he knew that climbing was dangerous, so he had a good life insurance, so his widow and kids are set for life.

With your friend it is different. Personally I'd feel angry too...

Yulia_R is offline  
#12 of 16 Old 09-04-2010, 06:37 PM
simonee's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Where the sun don't shine
Posts: 4,866
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How terrible, how sad, how understandable your reaction... I'd be pissed too, as her death seems to have been so preventable... it's how we can never see inside people's heads, can only hope they'd make the choices we consider the best or even the only ones... I think you are super sweet for still wishing for her to be with the child in heaven rather than the ones that need her every day...

Wishing you love and strength, and I'm sure you realize it's okay to be angry at her... How's her husband and children coping?
simonee is offline  
#13 of 16 Old 09-05-2010, 11:40 PM
Tradd's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,064
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OP, I totally understand where you're coming from. Hugs for you and your friend's DH and children.

I lost a friend 17 years ago, also asthma-related. My friend was taking more of a certain med than she was supposed to. It increased her heartbeat. Doc told her to take X dose and no more. But she took more, much more. She died of a heart attack. And she and her long time boyfriend had just gotten engaged and were looking at rings earlier that day. Her BF and I knew of her taking the additional doses of the med and begged her not to, but she did it anyway.

Someone else I highly respected in my community, but wasn't close to, died of walking pnuemonia because he absolutely refused to go to the doctor - he told plenty of people this repeatedly over the course of a week. He was out of town and driving home, when he was found on the ground collapsed next to his car, right before Christmas last year.

Tradd is offline  
#14 of 16 Old 09-06-2010, 03:26 AM
newmum35's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,087
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My heart breaks for the little baby too who had to be instantly weaned! And the other 3 little children too of course! Is there a reason she didn't want to take her medication? I feel there has to be more to the story and am full of questions. Did she just decide suddenly to stop cold turkey and if so for what reason? I'm not familiar with these medicines so forgive my ignorance. I do know what asthma is (I have a few nephews with it) but I would say theirs are mild cases (I recall the inhaler but don't know anything about other medicines) - So sorry for the loss of your friend, that poor family.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
newmum35 is offline  
#15 of 16 Old 09-06-2010, 06:41 PM
Ifluffedthree's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Come meet ME in Pittsburgh
Posts: 1,595
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How sad for all involved. It is normal to be mad at something someone did that could be prevented. It is normal to be mad at the person gone in general as part of the grieving process.

I just can't imagine that she thought her life would end and she would have to leave her babies. I just can't help but think if she saw it, she would have done things differently.

I am so sorry for all of you. Peace and healing vibes headed your way.

MB, mama to three, soulmate to one, pioneering cloth to many since 2002!
Ifluffedthree is offline  
#16 of 16 Old 09-16-2010, 12:59 PM
josie143's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: angola ,ny
Posts: 1,111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry for your loss.

Mom of 8 children 4 Boys : and 4 girls :2 dogs named Kibblez and Brook , sadly miss my Husband that passed 03/03/2007 !Trully Miss my Brother Joey that passed on 3/25/09..Sadly miss my dearest son T.J that passed 1/19/2014 forever in my heart!
josie143 is offline  

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 19,514

131 members and 19,383 guests
2moms15 , agentofchaos , Ajoyfulhome , alisonh916 , allirue , americanjuly , angeebaby , AUvetmom , azohri , bananabee , beckybird , bellababy , Beth Berry , blissful_maia , bluefaery , bubbagirl , Chalex , ChasingDreams , chelko , Cherry_Blossom , chickabiddy , Chipi , chuord , cmnewbs , copperfox , dahlia810 , dakinigrrl , Dawn's mom , Deborah , Emanresu , ErinMomma , evlbch , farmermomma , firelillylight , FluffyFlamingo , frugalmama , funfunkyfantastic , girlspn , GreenMeg , happydaze , happyhats , healthy momma , here we are , hophophop , ian'smommaya , J1379 , japonica , JayaSky , jazzmom74 , jojobean , Kate&Joey , kateaton , katelove , kathymuggle , Kelleybug , kitchensqueen , lalalovely , Letitia , Lifted , LiLStar , lilyofjudah , Lovebeingamidwife , mamabear0314 , mamadee17 , marilyn612 , marmy , MeepyCat , Milk8shake , Mirzam , MN BabyDust , mom22flowers , Moonix13 , muddie , MulberryMom , Muminmamman , Mummoth , Muriel2016 , Mylie , MylittleTiger , NaturallyKait , Nemi27 , newmamalizzy , nexxus , nurse1mother2 , oldsmom , orangemomma , Peony , pers , persephassa , philomom , Poddi , primalmom , pulcetti , RollerCoasterMama , Rosehip , rubelin , samsmomma , SandiMae , sarafl , sarahl918 , shantimama , sidrajedi , silversparrow , Snydley , sofreshsoclean , Soseraphina , SparklePony , Springshowers , t2009 , taters , Tigerle , TourmalineMama , TrishWSU , typebug , VA77 , WhiteRose , Wild Lupine , Xerxella , zebra15 , Zirconia
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.