Not dealing well this year - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 25 Old 09-07-2010, 02:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This week is anniversary week.
Lianne's birthday is Thursday and would be 9 and the accident was 4 years ago sunday.
I am not dealing well with the guilt this year.
I am pregnant again with a little girl and I keep thinking I don't deserve to her. It was my fault that I lost my other one.
I guess this is really never going to feel better
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#2 of 25 Old 09-07-2010, 02:27 AM
 
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I am so so sorry

Lianne
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#3 of 25 Old 09-07-2010, 02:28 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss and your pain.

Diane, SAHM to DD (June 05) and DS (April 07).
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#4 of 25 Old 09-07-2010, 02:32 AM
 
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My son would have been 17 on the 3rd of September. No it isn't getting better. I smile, I laugh, I go about life, and cry only when I am alone. No one knows what it's like unless it has happened to them. I'm sorry, op.
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#5 of 25 Old 09-07-2010, 03:15 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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#6 of 25 Old 09-07-2010, 05:58 PM
 
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I am sorry that you have lost a child. HUGS to you. Do you want to share a happy story about Lianne?
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#7 of 25 Old 09-07-2010, 06:01 PM
 
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I'm so very sorry, mama.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#8 of 25 Old 09-07-2010, 09:11 PM
 
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I'm so sorry.

Jennifer
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#9 of 25 Old 09-08-2010, 03:08 AM
 
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I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my prayers.
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#10 of 25 Old 09-08-2010, 11:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't believe I did that!
Her birthday is TODAY not tomorrow.
I guess I thought I needed one more day.

Happy Birthday my dear sweet Lianne.
I miss you so much. You loved everybody.
I am so sorry.
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#11 of 25 Old 09-08-2010, 11:34 AM
 
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Be gentle to yourself. So sorry for your loss.
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#12 of 25 Old 09-08-2010, 02:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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mad and sad right now.
Some silly fb page doing a poll asking ppl what they can't live without. And without an exception every answer is "my kids" "my family"

It feels almost like a slap in the face. They don't know. They can't imagine.
What does that say about those of us who did lose children and still somehow manage to keep living?
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#13 of 25 Old 09-08-2010, 06:45 PM
 
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Many hugs to you. I am so sorry for your loss.
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#14 of 25 Old 09-08-2010, 08:00 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss, mama. Lianne

Momma to my beautiful blessing pinktongue.gif (Nov '08) and two Spirit babies angel3.gif (Dec '09) and angel2.gif (July '10)
 
 
 
 
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#15 of 25 Old 09-08-2010, 08:18 PM
 
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Happy Birthday Lianne

I am so sorry for your loss.
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#16 of 25 Old 09-09-2010, 11:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aslmere View Post
What does that say about those of us who did lose children and still somehow manage to keep living?
I don't know personally, but I think it means you are strong, brave and doing the best you can...
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#17 of 25 Old 09-10-2010, 01:17 AM
 
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I was just thinking of you today, Nina. I can't believe four years have passed. My heart is heavy for Tom, and extra heavy for you. It's an incredible weight you've had to bear. But Nina, the load you had to carry before that day was heavy. I think it's important, though, that you focus on how you were a good mother to Lianne and Finn (and Connor too!); because you were. In every picture I've seen, they're smiling and happy.

There are reasons beyond your understanding that you and Connor survived the accident. It is God's intention that you bring this baby girl into the world, and there's a reason he chose you to do it. You made a terrible and tragic mistake because you were exhausted. It doesn't make you a bad mother, Nina, it makes you human. You take care of your children (*all* of them) better than many people do. You do the best you can for them, and you have since the moment Lianne was born. Not only do you deserve this baby, but this baby deserves a wonderful mother like you.

@-)-- RIP Lianne

@-)-- RIP Finn

WARNING: The comments and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the community in which I reside; or those of the internet parenting network.
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#18 of 25 Old 09-11-2010, 06:33 PM
 
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I agree with Blu Razzberri. You don't know me but I remember your accident and I think of your children everytime I see your user name.

Be gentle with yourself mama.

Martha
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#19 of 25 Old 09-13-2010, 04:56 PM
 
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Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree.  ~Marian Wright Edelman
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#20 of 25 Old 09-16-2010, 01:02 PM
 
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I am so so sorry

Mom of 8 children 4 Boys : and 4 girls :2 dogs named Kibblez and Brook , sadly miss my Husband that passed 03/03/2007 !Trully Miss my Brother Joey that passed on 3/25/09..Sadly miss my dearest son T.J that passed 1/19/2014 forever in my heart!
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#21 of 25 Old 09-18-2010, 04:14 PM
 
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I hope this post won't make you feel worse--but I have to share this with you. On my anniversary this last year, my h announced that he no longer wanted to be married. He has been my life for 20 years. He then walked out on the kids and I over the summer.
Do you know that YOU came to mind? I remember reading your story and just crying like there was no tomorrow--and at that time, my family was "relatively" happy (of course, I thought we were happy all along but apparently I was the only one who felt that way)--and all seemed well. And how strange it would seem that I was sitting in my car thinking--how am I going to do this? And suddenly you came to mind and it was a source of inspiration.

So I guess what I am saying is this: when all was going to hell for me, I thought of you and women like you who have survived tragedies and difficult times and made it through. You did it. It never gets better. But you ARE doing it. And it gave me hope. That means a lot to me.
I wish you peace with this new baby. A new baby brings such joy--I wish you the best.
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#22 of 25 Old 09-19-2010, 07:03 PM
 
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When I am driving on the highway and I am exhausted I think of you. In reading what happened to you I make myself pull over and switch with my husband. Instead of myself being stubborn (it happens) and pushing myself I pull over. Any one of us could have had this happen. You were a tired mom. I am so sorry this happened to you and your family. I wish you peace with the new life growing inside of you. You deserve it!
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#23 of 25 Old 11-04-2010, 11:02 PM
 
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Couldn't read and not post. Please know that I'm carrying you and your family in my heart.

A happy woman
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#24 of 25 Old 11-05-2010, 11:33 AM
 
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I also, could not read this without posting. Guilt is a dangerous and scary thing. I can not claim to know how you feel, and I would never tell you to feel differently. I've lost two to miscarriage, but I know it does not compare. I wanted to thank you for sharing your story. I want to thank you for being the strong woman that you are, even if you may not always feel that way. I know I will think of you and your family often, both now and in the future. I just wanted to reach out to you and say, maybe, instead of feeling like you don't deserve another child, maybe, this baby girl you are bringing into the world is a GIFT from your daughter and son, because they love you, because they see your pain, and because they want to give you hope. Perhaps, it is their way of telling you that they are okay, and they'd like you to live with as much happiness as you possibly can.

Hugs to you.
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#25 of 25 Old 03-14-2011, 08:15 AM
 
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Much love to you candle.gif hug.gif


Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
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