My idiot brother is in the hospital - UPDATE POST 11: He's gone :( - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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Grief and Loss > My idiot brother is in the hospital - UPDATE POST 11: He's gone :(
Nitenites's Avatar Nitenites 01:32 AM 10-12-2010
I am so sorry.

porque's Avatar porque 02:35 AM 10-12-2010
So sorry.
Stella_luna's Avatar Stella_luna 02:26 PM 10-12-2010
Oh, no, I am so sorry. Wishing you and your family peace.
yarngoddess's Avatar yarngoddess 09:55 PM 10-12-2010
I'm so verry sorry! This is such a difficult situation, with out all the added family drama.
Sending you Strength to endure these tough days ahead. I also wish you strength to grieve in a way that allows you to heal. If you need some time away from your extended family- take it. You need to care for your self momma. You are in my thoughts...
sunsetdancer's Avatar sunsetdancer 12:08 AM 10-13-2010
I am so sorry. My BIL died right about 8 years ago from an accidental gunshot wound while drinking and using drugs with "friends". It was really hard for DH as to be expected. It was his youngest brother and he left behind a small child. I wish you peace and healing.
smeep's Avatar smeep 04:37 AM 10-13-2010

JessicaS's Avatar JessicaS 05:40 AM 10-13-2010


I am terribly sorry.
SeekingSerenity's Avatar SeekingSerenity 07:14 PM 10-15-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaMoo View Post
My mother died when I was 12, and some of her family members (including her parents) behaved in obnoxious and strange ways, as well. Being young, I didn't have to directly deal with it, but now as an adult I still don't understand why they acted that way. Well, truthfully, some people just suck, and the people who were jerks about my mother's death were jerks in their regular lives as well. (Not saying your family members are being that way, but mine certainly were.)
It was my grandmother that passed when I was 12, but THIS is what happened here, too. Some people were just... off... in the way they handled things. I recall being particularly disturbed by an older family member screaming out of the blue, wailing, tearing at her hair and throwing herself on the ground. Yet my grandmother's death was expected. A little later I realized this hysterical woman was stumbling drunk - she'd come to view my grandmother's body in that condition. There were several other family members who were drunk at the funeral, and a few oddballs who were behaving in completely inappropriate ways while sober.

I know none of this is what's happening to you, but I suppose I'm just trying to illustrate that extreme situations often bring out extreme behavior. And sometimes, it just serves to accentuate already extreme mannerisms in the people we have to deal with. I am so very sorry you have lost your brother, and I think you are behaving normally and processing this unexpected loss the best way you can FOR YOU. Be angry, cry, walk, pray, whatever you must, but most of all, be gentle to yourself. You've been through a lot.

((((HUGS))))


hadleys_mom's Avatar hadleys_mom 10:22 PM 10-15-2010
Could read without sending hugs. Last year my 25 year old BIL overdosed in his parents house and was found dead by his mother. A year later, DH is still grieving and the anger of the situation surrounding his death is still right at the surface. I hope you find peace and I am so sorry for your loss.
tracymom1's Avatar tracymom1 10:28 PM 10-15-2010

Peace to you and your family, mama.
weliveintheforest's Avatar weliveintheforest 10:34 PM 10-15-2010

Mulvah's Avatar Mulvah 11:31 PM 10-15-2010
I'm sorry for your loss.
Nillarilla's Avatar Nillarilla 12:28 AM 10-16-2010
So sorry for your loss.
homewithtwinsmama's Avatar homewithtwinsmama 01:39 AM 10-16-2010
I am so sorry! My brother was addicted to heroin in his late 20s and my mother and I lived in fear of this scenario. He finally came to his senses and asked us to help him get clean, which we did. Just do what you need to do, go to family, avoid family. When they all clear out you can be there more for your mother. Very sorry. There is just my brother and I and I always hated the idea that he would leave me alone.
momo7's Avatar momo7 12:11 AM 10-17-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amatullah0 View Post
For now, its not so much the death as it is all of the stress involved around it that is bothering me.
I have to agree with you.

For me, relatives were the hardest part.

My mother died just last Sunday. We have never gotten along and at the time her illness began we were estranged. We were able to mend our fences (as much as could be mended) and then she died. I was there for three weeks watching her deteriorate. I am so grateful that she was able to die at home and she was surrounded by people who loved her. I am also grateful she wasn't in a hospital being taken care of by strangers. It was a horrible way to die but everyone who was there for her during her suffering were great.

But it was the aftermath of it all, the control issues, the greediness and the hypocrisy. All of that turned me into a basket case and I ended up leaving and not staying for the memorial (the planning that went on around it was ridiculous). If I never see those people again, it will be too soon. I don't know if it is something I will ever get over and I have a lot of resentment right now about it.

So yeah...I get what you are saying.
hotmamacita's Avatar hotmamacita 01:25 AM 10-17-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amatullah0 View Post

I think today's grief is focused around the 7 year old boy(not the drug addicted teen) and how he was my best friend back then.


I am so so so so so sorry.
meemee's Avatar meemee 02:46 PM 10-17-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amatullah0 View Post
I think today's grief is focused around the 7 year old boy(not the drug addicted teen) and how he was my best friend back then.
:-( :-( mama i can so relate to that. its been 11 years and i still miss my brother today. moreso as i see my dd grow up and remember what an excellent uncle he was to our nieces adn nephews. they completely hero worshiped him the same way he hero worshipped me before he hit the teens.
Dar's Avatar Dar 03:01 PM 10-17-2010
I am so sorry. Your poor sweet brother.

I'm not sure if this will be helpful to you, but my long-time friend Katie lost her son to drugs a few months back. She has blogged about it extensively and I know she's also found some small comfort in contact with others going through the same type of loss.
SamuraiMom's Avatar SamuraiMom 06:35 PM 10-17-2010
I am so sorry for your loss mama, so sorry.
PoetryLover's Avatar PoetryLover 01:44 PM 10-18-2010
I'm so very sorry for your loss.


tireesix's Avatar tireesix 05:21 PM 10-18-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amatullah0 View Post
I think today's grief is focused around the 7 year old boy(not the drug addicted teen) and how he was my best friend back then.

Lost my brother to a drink related accident in 2002 when he was 19 years of age. There were a LOT of issues with my brother but essentially, when I grieved for him, it was for the little boy I used to know, not the person that boy became. In a way, I had already lost him and already grieved for him, it wasn't any easier necessarily, in fact, in some ways it was harder because the whole thing was so bloody confusing and what made it even weirder was my family bigging up some of the shit he got into and making out like some of what he did was ok.

Families can be so weird.

I hope you can learn to seperate the boy from the man, I hope your memories of the boy stay pure and true and I hope your pain at losing the boy eases in time. Remember the man as he should have been and not as he was.

Many hugs!
enkmom's Avatar enkmom 12:34 AM 10-19-2010
I am sorry, and I completely understand what you are going through. I lost my youngest sister in 2005. She had been self-destructing for years (but her death was due to natural causes); her drug was alcohol. I mourned the loss of potential and I was angry as hell that we would never be able to come to terms with the estrangement between us that her alcoholism caused. A teeny tiny part of me was relieved that now the worst was over and I would not have to worry about getting the call that something horrible had happened to her, and I was ashamed of that. She also left behind a baby girl.

And I understand about the relatives. An aunt who had been divorced out of the family for years showed up and became the chief mourner. My sister's MIL who barely acknowledged my sister took over all the arrangements and really marginalized my parents, who were completely numb from shock and grief. Death brings out the absolute worst in people.
Lisa1970's Avatar Lisa1970 03:53 AM 10-19-2010
I am so sorry!!! ((((hugs))))
To-Fu's Avatar To-Fu 04:01 AM 10-19-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dar View Post
I am so sorry. Your poor sweet brother.

I'm not sure if this will be helpful to you, but my long-time friend Katie lost her son to drugs a few months back. She has blogged about it extensively and I know she's also found some small comfort in contact with others going through the same type of loss.
Just coming here with a and to share a link to Katie's blog, as well.
youngspiritmom's Avatar youngspiritmom 03:43 AM 10-23-2010
Salaam alaykum dear sister,

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I am sending you, your brother, and your family light and love.

You are not alone. May you find peace.

<3
deditus's Avatar deditus 02:18 PM 10-28-2010

I lost a friend to a heroin overdose just about 3 years ago.
It was very difficult dealing with the people who enabled him at his memorial, fortunately they were not my family. May you find a quiet safe place to grieve.
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