My idiot brother is in the hospital - UPDATE POST 11: He's gone :( - Mothering Forums
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Grief and Loss > My idiot brother is in the hospital - UPDATE POST 11: He's gone :(
Amatullah0's Avatar Amatullah0 12:15 PM 10-10-2010
He's in a coma(sorta? his pupils respond to light, but he needs a machine to breathe for him, and isn't otherwise responsive(no gag reflex either), since yesterday afternoon, from heroin overdose. He's 18 years old. His UAV "friends" say that he never woke up and they thought he was dead, and one of them called 911(one of the girls called 911, the boys probably would have tried to bury him in the park or something.

I think my parents were expecting him to wake up today, or sooner, but he hasn't yet, so they are getting worried. I think they are feeling like failures as parents, they have two kids, me and my brother, and they aren't happy with the way either of us are living our lives.

I just feel anger for him. I want to slap him. I want to yell at him when(if) he wakes up. I don't think he is going to wake up though. I just don't have it in me to be hopeful. I also feel like, "so what if he wakes up? he's not going to change" My parents want to send him to rehab if he ever wakes up, I doubt that he will agree to go. His UAV friends are probably still doing drugs, even though they say they are worried about him.

Why don't people think before they do stupid a** sh** like this? ARGH!

PoppyMama's Avatar PoppyMama 02:15 PM 10-10-2010
I'm sorry your family is going through this. Drug addiction is a very difficult illness to deal with for families and none of the feelings any of you are feeling are wrong.
Chamomile Girl's Avatar Chamomile Girl 02:20 PM 10-10-2010
Oh, I'm so sorry. I remember many of your previous posts about your worry towards the path your brother was on. I'm hoping so strongly he wakes up soon.


sapphire_chan's Avatar sapphire_chan 02:48 PM 10-10-2010
I hope he wakes up soon. Both senses of "wake up".
raelize's Avatar raelize 04:03 PM 10-10-2010
i am so sorry. i remember years ago one of my brothers was in the hospital in a similar situation. it was so horrifying and frustrating. and when he did wake up, i was so mad and sad and scared. it is so sh*tty that you and your family is going through this. i am so sorry.
iamama's Avatar iamama 04:20 PM 10-10-2010
I'm so sorry you are going through this. My brother was a horrible alcoholic he OD and never woke up. Be strong.
EdnaMarie's Avatar EdnaMarie 04:48 PM 10-10-2010
I'm so sorry.
shelbean91's Avatar shelbean91 05:36 PM 10-10-2010
I'm sorry.
April Dawn's Avatar April Dawn 06:53 PM 10-10-2010
I'm really sorry to hear this. I hope your brother ends up being ok, and getting treatment. And I hope you have a good support network in place for *you*, because your parents are probably very much focused on your brother's needs right now.
Juvysen's Avatar Juvysen 07:31 PM 10-10-2010
I know it's not the same thing, but MAN was I angry when I found out my friend had committed suicide. What your brother did is essentially the same - doing things that would potentially lead to serious injury/death. It's an illness though, on both counts... I can't blame my friend for being in a horrible deep depression. I dunno.

Anyway, I can totally identify with the anger. I realize now that it's one of the "phases of grief" or whatever, I guess.


Amatullah0's Avatar Amatullah0 01:28 PM 10-11-2010
He's gone. He never woke up, ended up flatlining, and we decided not to resuscitate him. I was expecting it, but before saturday, I never saw it coming. Its tough, and I'm not sure if i'm still processing it, or if i'm still working through the anger. I'm a little bit angry at my brother, and a little bit angry at the people who he was hanging with. I'm a little angry at myself, because I sorta feel like I should have tried harder to help him. I'm very very much angry at my parents, because they did such a crappy job at raising us.

I'm also moderately upset/frustrated with my relatives over this. I have 6 uncles and 3 aunts on my moms side, and 1 aunt on my dad's side. 4 of the uncles were at the hospital, and 2 of the aunts were there for a majority of the time. The third aunt lives out of state, and got the first flight here when they realized how bad it was. two of my aunts, and one of my uncles wives were just really annoying. I don't know if some of you remember from some of my other posts, but my uncle's wife - the one that i'm talking about- is the one who emailed me not long after finding out that I got married to DH, telling us we should get a divorce- kept trying to get me to drive my parents home last night, because they shouldn't be driving, they were awake for 2 days in a row. I don't know if she even mentioned the grief aspect to driving home safely. I was very, very visibly shaken. I was shaking, and crying ,and could hardly stand. I had to actually tell her WHY I wouldn't be able to drive them home, and how it was a much better idea for the next door neighbors who had come(in the same car as each other, and who were volunteering to drive my parents car home for them) to drive her home. she acted like I was acting strange. Just family drama, u know? and on top of that, all they want to talk about is getting back at the kids who he was with. (empty) threats of murdering those kids, or about the police investigation, or other (to me) unimportant things. the things that people say so they can avoid feeling the pain that they are going through. u know?

I don't like hearing that kind of stuff right now, because it just makes me cry all over again. I cried myself dry yesterday. I don't need to do it again. my head hurts, and my facial skin can't take it. My tears are extremely acidic, i wasn't crying right before i went to sleep last night, but i might have been crying in my sleep, and when I woke up my face was red and puffy, and my eyes were so swollen it was hard to see.

I'm going to my mom's house today, but i really don't want to. I don't want to be around them(the insensitive(or less-sensitive?) family members), I don't want to have to sit through their rendition of what is going to happen when u die(i.e. what my brother is experiencing right now, the whole heaven thing)(because i don't believe what they believe in this case, and i'm not up for the sappy "oh lets rejoice" crap.) I need my own time to mourn, and I need to do it right. I feel like mourning in the wrong way(for me) will be completely counterproductive and will just draw it out longer.

I also hate that the funeral will be in a week or so. Muslim funerals are so much easier(I think) we bury our dead before they start to decompose(within a day or two), no formaldehyde, no long, drawn out process. I am also apprehensive that my mother is very into scrap booking, and pictures, and I HATE pictures. My dislike of pictures is not from purely religious reasons either. I've always hated the way they make people look(any people, not just myself). My mom expects me to make a photo collage of my brothers pics. I don't want to. I'm not into that. I'm not going to. I don't know how to tell her that I'm not going to.

For now, its not so much the death as it is all of the stress involved around it that is bothering me.
Mackenzie's Avatar Mackenzie 01:36 PM 10-11-2010
I'm so sorry
DariusMom's Avatar DariusMom 01:39 PM 10-11-2010
I'm so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

Please don't feel bad about anything you feel right now. This is tough stuff. You're "allowed" to be angry, hurt, bitter, grieving and anything else at any moment.
Breathless Wonder's Avatar Breathless Wonder 01:59 PM 10-11-2010
I'm really sorry for your loss.
raelize's Avatar raelize 03:31 PM 10-11-2010
i am so sorry for your loss. i lost my dear baby brother to suicide in march of this year. in an earlier post i had said i was once in a similar situation- he was the brother during an earlier suicide attempt.
i am so sorry for this. i still feel like i fell through the other side of reality. i still don't understand how the world didn't stop. i just want to shake everyone and scream Jay is dead!! what is wrong with you people? He is dead!

i found it very helpful to speak to a grief counseler. i see that you are Muslim, is there someone at your mosque you could speak with? perhaps an elder or your spiritual leader? i found my Meeting for Worship to be very comforting and supportive during this time. Reach out to those who can support you.

i am so sorry for your loss. it is impossibly hard to lose a sibling.
Amatullah0's Avatar Amatullah0 03:49 PM 10-11-2010
My DH has been great about everything. I had a little meltdown today(well, i'm kinda in the middle of it right now) and I snapped at him. I asked him to bring me my dress for going outside in, and he kept trying to get me to wear a different one then i've been wearing for the past few days, but nothing else fits well, so i snapped at him, and he backed off for a little bit(i'm a little sad about that)

I understand greif. It sucks to go through it, but its a necessary process. I get that. I'm going through it, and I'm being very careful to allow people to express their grief in the ways that they need to.

I think today's grief is focused around the 7 year old boy(not the drug addicted teen) and how he was my best friend back then.
EdnaMarie's Avatar EdnaMarie 03:56 PM 10-11-2010
I'm so, so sorry.
KatWrangler's Avatar KatWrangler 04:40 PM 10-11-2010
I couldn't read and not post.
justKate's Avatar justKate 05:45 PM 10-11-2010
I'm so sorry that you have this pain, and the stress the rest of the family is bringing to you.
EFmom's Avatar EFmom 06:09 PM 10-11-2010
I"m so sorry for your loss.
Chamomile Girl's Avatar Chamomile Girl 06:20 PM 10-11-2010
OP I'm so sorry. Ah that is so tragic and sad.
eclipse's Avatar eclipse 06:23 PM 10-11-2010
I'm so sorry
Juvysen's Avatar Juvysen 06:40 PM 10-11-2010
I'm so sorry


confustication's Avatar confustication 07:36 PM 10-11-2010
I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are doing a great job of processing this- as much as anyone can process something so tragic, anyway.
corysmilk's Avatar corysmilk 07:40 PM 10-11-2010
oh mama, I am so sorry.
peace and love to you and your family at this time.
ELizabeth
MommaMoo's Avatar MommaMoo 08:46 PM 10-11-2010
I am so sorry for your loss and all of the stress you are experiencing MDC mamas are thinking of you.
My mother died when I was 12, and some of her family members (including her parents) behaved in obnoxious and strange ways, as well. Being young, I didn't have to directly deal with it, but now as an adult I still don't understand why they acted that way. Well, truthfully, some people just suck, and the people who were jerks about my mother's death were jerks in their regular lives as well. (Not saying your family members are being that way, but mine certainly were.) That's the only way I've been able to explain it to myself. I hope that this tragic event comes to a peaceful conclusion for you.
goodygumdrops's Avatar goodygumdrops 08:47 PM 10-11-2010
I'm so sorry for your family loss

Hugs, mama
sebandg'smama's Avatar sebandg'smama 09:11 PM 10-11-2010
I am so sorry.



-Melanie
mrsfussypants's Avatar mrsfussypants 01:11 AM 10-12-2010

lotusdebi's Avatar lotusdebi 01:15 AM 10-12-2010

I'm so sorry for your loss.
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