Lost mother at 40 weeks 5 days pregnant - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 21 Old 02-17-2011, 12:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My mother passed away yesterday morning after a short but courageous battle with lymphoma.  She was so excited to meet my baby, my first child and her second grandchild.  She called me everyday last week asking where her grandchild was.  I am going in to be induced tomorrow.  The timing is just awful.  I feel I can't properly grieve my mother's loss and be excited about the new life I am about to bring into the world at the same time. I know I need to be strong for my baby but it is just so hard right now.  My mom was my best friend.  I spoke with her every single day about everything.  I want to call her so bad to talk about my nervousness about having a baby tomorrow.  I can't imagine being in labor, or having a newborn and not having her to talk to.  I feel angry that I didn't have this baby even a week earlier.  She would have at least known it was born and saw a picture.  Has anyone ever experienced anything similar to this?  Will this ever get easier?  

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#2 of 21 Old 02-17-2011, 12:42 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Would it help you heal a celebrate if you add your mother's name to your child's name? I just lost my father, but he was able to meet and spend time with my boys, what upsets me the most is that my 2 year old won't remember him. I'll be sending smooth labor and emotional healing vibes your way. *hug*


Elizabeth wife to Matt , mom to Logan (2/21/01) , and little man Desmond (9/23/08)

Mourning the loss of her father: Robert Edward Dillon 5/31/52 - 01/03/2011

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#3 of 21 Old 02-17-2011, 12:47 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss.

Unless there is an urgent medical reason for it, i would suggest postponing the induction. See if you can find a therapist to see you today or tomorrow instead and try to work through your conflicted feelings. You need to give yourself permission to welcome your baby w love. Your mother would never begrudge you that.

Unfortunately, both death and birth are important parts of the circle of life. Most people don't have such timely reminders of that fact.

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#4 of 21 Old 02-17-2011, 12:49 PM
 
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Oh my goodness, I am so, so sorry. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you. Sending you a huge virtual hug.


SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

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#5 of 21 Old 02-17-2011, 02:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for your kind words.  We do plan on giving my mother's name as a middle name if it is a girl (we don't know the gender yet).  That brings a little comfort.  I know with time it won't hurt so much.

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#6 of 21 Old 02-17-2011, 03:03 PM
 
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I am so very sorry for your loss.


~Brandon Michael (11/23/03), Jocelyn Lily Nữ (2/4/07, adopted 5/28/07 from Vietnam), Amelia Rylie (1/14/09), & Ryland Josef William (9/7/05-9/7/05 @ 41 wks). 
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#7 of 21 Old 02-18-2011, 01:25 AM
 
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hug.gif I just wanted to reach out and say I read your story with tears in my eyes, my heart is breaking for you. Sending you some love and a hug. This is going to be a very intense time for you. Allowing yourself to grieve fully for your mother is not doing a disservice to your baby. Get your partner and any friends and family to help as much as possible. As painful as this is and will be for some time, you will get through it and your baby will be okay. Just let yourself go through the waves of emotion, the whole spectrum that comes. hug.gif

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#8 of 21 Old 02-18-2011, 08:12 AM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss.  My mom died 2 1/2 years ago when my youngest was 11 months old.  I remember being so sad at her first birthday party that my mom didn't go to even one of her birthdays.  I was never religious growing up, but I now feel that my mom is still with us and was there in spirit for her birthday.  I'm sure your mom would want you to be excited for your new baby.  It doesn't take anything away from greiving for your mom.  Maybe you can do something to honor your mom after the baby is born w/ the baby. 

 

Also, there's a thread in the tribal section called mom's without moms. 


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#9 of 21 Old 02-24-2011, 04:08 PM
 
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I am so very sorry for your loss of your mom and best friend. 

I recently lost mine too.  


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#10 of 21 Old 02-24-2011, 09:58 PM
 
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Oh wow, I'm so sorry.  I don't have any words to make it easier, I think it's just a tough thing, wishing your mom could have at least met your baby.  Losing a parent is never easy, but the timing of this is so awful. hug.gif    I always wished that my dad could have met my children.  Sometimes I'd imagine him holding them and how they'd have reacted, and I could really picture it, which was nice.

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#11 of 21 Old 02-28-2011, 08:43 PM
 
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I second the suggestion of a PP to postpone the induction unless there is urgent medical need.

 

Please be gentle with yourself. I am sorry for your loss and hope that the way that you raise your child will honour the memory of your mother.

 

Blessings.


Sign hanging in Albert Einstein's office at Princeton: Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted, counts.
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#12 of 21 Old 03-01-2011, 09:00 AM
 
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So sorry for your loss, mama :-(

 

Sending prayers, love, and light your way in this difficult time.


fly-by-nursing2.gif~Amy, Wife to E, Happy Momma to K 4/04, L 11/05, E 8/07, V 1/10, and J 10/11

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#13 of 21 Old 03-01-2011, 09:34 AM
 
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candle.gif  Saying a prayer for you and your mom.

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#14 of 21 Old 03-04-2011, 11:57 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss.  My dad was in hospice at the end of my pregnancy with my second dd.  He was just waiting for her to be born so he could meet her, which he did but just once.  She was 6 days old at his funeral.  It was a very crazy, emotional time.  Somehow, I feel like they did know each other on some level that I can't even understand.  He referred to his granddaughter, and we had not found out she was a girl. 

It does get easier with time.  My dd is 5 now and I don't feel the ache every day.  

Try your best to really take time to enjoy the baby but also realize that this is a very, very hard time.  Losing a parent just as you are becoming one is so hard.  Accept support when it comes your way and take care of yourself as much as you can.  

 

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#15 of 21 Old 03-04-2011, 12:23 PM
 
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I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I feel for you and what you are going though. I know this sounds corny but your mom is your babe's angel and she will be there for the birth in spirit.


Mom to a beautiful little girl ~age 4~ and adorable little boy ~age 3~ and wife to my main squeeze luxlove.gif
Two babes in heaven MC 6/23/10 at 8 weeks, MC 2/24/11 at 8 weeks, MC 3/2012 at 8 weeks ~ Praying for a rainbow1284.gif baby ~

 

 

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#16 of 21 Old 03-07-2011, 02:23 PM
 
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I am so sorry! I have never been through this. I know my post is late but your story just really is so sad I wanted to post and let you know I read it. (((hugs)))) I hope things are better for you now.

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#17 of 21 Old 03-09-2011, 01:23 PM
 
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I am so sorry to hear this and can't imagine how you feel. My Mother died on the 19th of February and I have twin boys that are 15 months. I believe that your Mother will forever be with your baby.

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#18 of 21 Old 03-14-2011, 07:50 AM
 
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I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's passing hug2.gif


Reneé, 33 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 nocirc.gif and Arianna 9/06 gd.gif angel1.gifangel1.gif (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 blowkiss.gif.  TTC a little rainbow rainbow1284.gifchartnew.gif http://www.FertilityFriend.com/home/4e4ac9 Currently in the 2WW 
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#19 of 21 Old 05-01-2011, 04:39 AM
 
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You poor darling, i know exactly how you feel. My Mum died when i was 39 weeks & 3 days pregnant. Reading your post made me very teary as i feel the pain your in & im so sorry, i wish i could give you a big hug. It was my first baby too & my Mum's first grandchild. She was so excited, i talked to her everyday too & still miss her now. My Mum died on the 27/11/2009 & my son was born on the 2/12/2009 ( i asked to be induced, as i couldnt face being pregnant anymore). I felt like i couldnt connect with my son till after my Mums funeral which ended up being 8 days after his birth. It was the hardest time in my life. I was so angry too, i couldnt believe how unfair it was that i hadnt had him earlier. I like to believe that she got to see him be born & that maybe even he saw her in a breifglimpse of heaven. I know this sounds mad but it was a way i coped, i still call her his angel & i show him photos of his Grandma regularly :) He can now say Ganma & smiles when he sees her photos. He is 17 mo tomorrow (2/5/2011) & i am due to have my second son tomorrow too. :) It is sad knowing that she wont get to meet her other grandchildren, but i like to think God lets her see them be born & grow. It never becomes an "easy" thing to deal with, but slowly with time your heart finds ways to cope, as does your mind. It took me a good year to get back to being "me" again. I suffered severe depression after Mum died but am working that through now & doing so much better. Dont be afraid to ask for help from family & friends if you need a time out & dont ever feel bad when you are having trouble connecting with your little one, just make sure you are surrounded by supportive friends & family who are willing to do whatever it takes to make life a little easier on you. I could not have gotten by withiout the support i had, & i also found a lady on the internet who had had a similar situation as us who was a great support (she too lost her mum before bub came, she was 38weeks pregnant). I still keep in touch with her & having somone who actually understood was great for me. So if i can help you by having someone to email or anything please let me know. I am in Australia. The lady i found was from Canada but even half a world away i felt comforted.

My thoughts & prayers are with you,

Liz x

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#20 of 21 Old 05-02-2011, 08:02 AM
 
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i am so sorry for your loss, i can't imagine how hard it must be. big hugs for you.


Midwifery student , Mama to my 4 amazing kids. treehugger.gif

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#21 of 21 Old 05-05-2011, 07:46 AM
 
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I'm in tears reading your post. My DD was born the same year my father died. I've often dreamt of the awesome grandpa he would have been. He had this giant belly that I know my kids would have loved bouncing on. I'm sorry they didn't get to know him.

 

I try to tell DD about my father as much as possible. I tell her about how he didn't like to wear shoes or jackets outside, that he was so funny, and how he loved butter. lol

 

Big hugs to you. It won't seem like it for a while, but you will find your strength. I agree with the others to avoid the induction and grieve. If you're baby is safe and healthy inside you, it might be better to wait a bit longer. <3


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I survived 16 mos! Ask me about breastfeeding a baby with posterior tongue tie, high palate, and weak oral motor skills- whew!

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