Good friend and mdc mom of 2 took her own life. How do I get through? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 27 Old 04-10-2011, 08:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
a-sorta-fairytale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hangin' with the raisin girls
Posts: 5,053
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 20 Post(s)

I don't even know what to write here.  My very very dear friend ended her life Thursday.  We met on here and spent a lot of time together with our very tight knit MDC mama group.  We did play dates and moms night out and joint birthday parties.  Her, another friend, and I all had babies born within a 2 week period.  We had a birthday party for our "3 musketeers"  for their 1st, 2nd, and 3rd birthdays.  We were super close often spending time on the phone or emailing about any issues.  She was so so brilliant and always done up and put together.  She was funny and a true friend. 

 

She took her life less then a week after her baby turned 3 and a few weeks before her firstborn turns 6.  I have no idea the horrible pain she must have been in to do this.  That is the worst of it.

 

I am so so very sad for her children.  She was a good mama. 

 

I am wondering if anyone has gone through this, a mother leaving like this.  I can't wrap my brain around it.  I just wish i could hug her one more time and i wish us loving her had been enough to quell her pain. 

a-sorta-fairytale is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 27 Old 04-10-2011, 08:07 PM
 
yummus's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: MN
Posts: 110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Have no words honey. I will pray for her family and you. 

 

hug2.gif 

yummus is offline  
#3 of 27 Old 04-10-2011, 10:43 PM
 
tinuviel_k's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3,290
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh no. candle.gif I am so sorry. I will be thinking of her, you, and her family. How heartbreaking.
tinuviel_k is offline  
#4 of 27 Old 04-10-2011, 11:14 PM
 
PoppyMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In my own delusions.
Posts: 3,126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I am so sorry for what youre going through and for her children.  

PoppyMama is offline  
#5 of 27 Old 04-11-2011, 05:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
a-sorta-fairytale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hangin' with the raisin girls
Posts: 5,053
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 20 Post(s)

Thank you for your prayers and good thoughts.  Our little group is so close and has had much trauma the last year.  I am so glad we have each other. 

 

Every time i hold my son that is the same age as hers i feel such a pain in my heart.  :(

a-sorta-fairytale is offline  
#6 of 27 Old 04-11-2011, 09:46 AM
 
Rach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 3,414
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

candle.gif

I just can not believe she's gone.


heartbeat.gif heartbeat.gif heartbeat.gif

Rach is offline  
#7 of 27 Old 04-11-2011, 09:56 AM
 
HollyBearsMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: nomans land
Posts: 6,006
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and her family.


Pardon me while I puke.gif

HollyBearsMom is offline  
#8 of 27 Old 04-11-2011, 10:34 AM
A&A
 
A&A's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 16,185
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

I am so sorry for your loss.  May I suggest writing a letter about all of your wonderful memories of her, and giving it to the children when they are adults. 

Sol_y_Paz likes this.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
A&A is offline  
#9 of 27 Old 04-11-2011, 01:14 PM
 
StoriesInTheSoil's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,456
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post

I am so sorry for your loss.  May I suggest writing a letter about all of your wonderful memories of her, and giving it to the children when they are adults. 



I think this is a great idea.  I'm so sorry for your loss and will keep her family and your group of friends in my thoughts and prayers in the coming weeks.

StoriesInTheSoil is offline  
#10 of 27 Old 04-11-2011, 01:22 PM
 
Katielady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Living in a van down by the river
Posts: 2,016
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost one of my best friends to suicide last summer and it is so immensely painful. One friend advised me to try take some time to myself every day to think about it....like to try to go for a walk in the woods for 15 minutes, or take a bath. It is so hard to grieve while caring for young children, and if you don't spend some time processing your emotions they can really boil over.

 

My heart goes out to you and to her poor family.


SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

Some stuff I like: hbac.gifteapot2.GIFeat.gifnocirc.gifbftoddler.giffemalesling.GIFcrochetsmilie.gif read.gifcat.gif

Katielady is offline  
#11 of 27 Old 04-11-2011, 01:28 PM
 
eclipse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Mexico
Posts: 7,440
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry greensad.gif
eclipse is offline  
#12 of 27 Old 04-11-2011, 03:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
a-sorta-fairytale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hangin' with the raisin girls
Posts: 5,053
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 20 Post(s)

I know Rach, it almost feels wrong to be on here since this is where i met her...

a-sorta-fairytale is offline  
#13 of 27 Old 04-11-2011, 03:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
a-sorta-fairytale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hangin' with the raisin girls
Posts: 5,053
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 20 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post

I am so sorry for your loss.  May I suggest writing a letter about all of your wonderful memories of her, and giving it to the children when they are adults. 



We are all getting the pics we have of her together to make a photobook for her kids.  I was also thinking of printing all the comments on her FB and the memorial page to make a little book with too. 

a-sorta-fairytale is offline  
#14 of 27 Old 04-12-2011, 11:19 AM
 
doubledutch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 4,531
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

that is terribly sad.  i'm so sorry.  (i don't know if it's in poor taste to forum crash but i clicked the thread from the main page and then i couldn't read and not post.)  i think your ideas for honoring her and helping her kids remember her are very generous and also sound like a good way to spend time with your memories of her.  i will keep you, rach & the family in my prayers.

doubledutch is offline  
#15 of 27 Old 04-12-2011, 03:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
a-sorta-fairytale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hangin' with the raisin girls
Posts: 5,053
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 20 Post(s)

Thank you.  The memorial is tomorrow.  I just wish i could see her and hug her one more time.  I keep remembering all these things we were supposed to do together in the next few weeks/months.

 

a-sorta-fairytale is offline  
#16 of 27 Old 04-17-2011, 02:50 PM
 
mandib50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: my own reality
Posts: 4,698
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

oh no .... i am so so sorry. suicide is so heartbreaking greensad.gif


Midwifery student , Mama to my 4 amazing kids. treehugger.gif

mandib50 is offline  
#17 of 27 Old 04-17-2011, 02:56 PM
 
MamaofLiam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: somewhere out there
Posts: 216
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am truly so sorry for your loss. Sending you my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. candle.gif

MamaofLiam is offline  
#18 of 27 Old 05-18-2011, 10:05 PM
 
zmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 843
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't know if I'll be coherent or say anything useful but one of my bff's committed suicide in October. She had a 5 month old baby and was suffering from severe postpartum depression. I really don't even know what to say. I scrolled through her facebook page today just searching for something. Some sign. Some note that she'd written that would remind me her. Let me hear her "voice" again. I have struggled and struggled to make sense of this. I suffer from severe depression (have all my life) so I know the kind of the pain she must have been in. It doesn't really help. I wish I knew what to say to you. I'm so sorry. I'm so so so sorry. I know it doesn't really help but I'm sorry. Feel free to PM me or reply if you think it would help. I wish I could think of something better to say. Tonight has been really hard for me.


Unschooling mama to one 5 year old DD.
zmom is offline  
#19 of 27 Old 05-19-2011, 05:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
a-sorta-fairytale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hangin' with the raisin girls
Posts: 5,053
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 20 Post(s)

It is really hard.  I am sorry for your loss too :(   The good thing is, we have a tight knit group of friends who all loved her and we can get through this together.  I miss her so much and think of her daily.

a-sorta-fairytale is offline  
#20 of 27 Old 05-19-2011, 02:51 PM
 
Rebecca Kiel's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry for all who are hurting. I have known several moms who have died for various reasons. It is incomprehensible to think about how this could happen. The best I can say, and it's the most cliche thing in the world, but time will help your pain. Children grieve developmentally. You know, missing mok at graduation, missing mom at wedding. I say this only because it is so important for the adults around to know. I have planted perrenials celebrating the life that touched me. It helps every year. May you find some peace.
Rebecca Kiel is offline  
#21 of 27 Old 05-20-2011, 10:18 AM
 
csekywithlove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

candle.gif

 

 

I am so sorry. It's a hard thing to wrap your head around. It's a hard thing for people to talk about in general. grouphug.gif


Artist wife to dh_malesling.GIF. Mom to DSS superhero.gif (3 yrs) and DD (04/12).  brokenheart.gif (2/28/10). winner.jpgcd.gif

csekywithlove is offline  
#22 of 27 Old 05-22-2011, 02:06 PM
 
Ornery's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,870
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am truly sorry.  This May was the 5 year anniversary of the suicide of one of our good friends, a parent of two aged 7 and 11 at the time of death.  My heart still hurts for the pain she was in and the pain her children have gone through since her death. 

Ornery is offline  
#23 of 27 Old 05-24-2011, 03:12 PM
 
MommyMandi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 52
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Big hugs to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The pain of missing someone is unmatched by anything else. 


Almost crunchy momma to Adisyn (6), Gage (4) and Dellan (1)
MommyMandi is offline  
#24 of 27 Old 05-24-2011, 03:52 PM
 
Kontessa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: MD
Posts: 2,780
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 Honor her by being honest, doing the things she couldn't, reaching out. She isn't hurting anymore but her actions have caused so many others to hurt but you knew her to be a good mother, she had to have thought you would all be better without her. It isn't true, but she didn't know that else she wouldn't have done what she did. She couldn't see reality and she didn't show any of you the one hell she was living in inside her. You now have to forgive her. Forgive yourself for not being a mind reader as didn't show you the pain, she didn't, and you have to believe that truth.

 

 Be honest when your hurting. It is a brave and hard thing to do. If others see you doing it, they might be able to and that might save more mothers from the lies that they are alone in this.

 

 Your not alone. I am sorry for your pain.


Army wife to wonder hubby. Mama to 4 and Surrogate mother x2.: Zoey Born 5/7/2010
Kontessa is offline  
#25 of 27 Old 05-24-2011, 08:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
a-sorta-fairytale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hangin' with the raisin girls
Posts: 5,053
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 20 Post(s)

thank you

a-sorta-fairytale is offline  
#26 of 27 Old 05-26-2011, 09:23 PM
 
Drummer's Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Land of Enchantment
Posts: 11,487
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

:( so sorry to hear about this. If there's anything I can possibly do to help her family or yours, please let me know. 


ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
Drummer's Wife is offline  
#27 of 27 Old 05-27-2011, 05:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
a-sorta-fairytale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hangin' with the raisin girls
Posts: 5,053
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 20 Post(s)

Thanks.  I still keep finding myself saying "oh, i have to call and tell... oh yeah"  It is still surreal.

a-sorta-fairytale is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off