My mom died last week and my dad is dying, too - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 04-29-2011, 07:22 PM - Thread Starter
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My mom died suddenly of a stroke last week after 7 years of living with Alzheimer's.  The stroke was a huge surprise to me and I was not prepared for her death.  I lost her slowly over the past 7 years and grieved the whole time, but now that she is finally completely gone, the pain is terrible.  She was such a wonderful person and was so excited to be a grandmother.  She got to meet all three of my children before she died, but she only had 2 or 3 good years with my first child.  My children never really knew her because by the time they were old enough, she was too confused to have a real connection with them.  Throughout her disease, she remained happy and kind and that was such a blessing.  The other blessing is that she died quickly, without pain or fear, but that also meant that I didn't make it to the hospital in time to hold her hand while she died.


Now my dad is dying.  Actually, the week before my mom died the hospice people told me to get prepared and make funeral arrangements for my dad.  My dad and I have not had a close relationship and I still feel anger toward him, but he's my only parent left and he has helped us.  I feel so exhausted by my mom's death that it's mentally and emotionally hard to go to visit him.


I used to think I was prepared for their deaths, but I wasn't.  I miss my mom so badly and I cry all the time.  People say it will get easier...

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#2 of 9 Old 04-29-2011, 07:34 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. That is just so hard.


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#3 of 9 Old 04-29-2011, 07:39 PM
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It will get a little easier.   I lost my mom to breast cancer almost 3 years ago now.  I still cry.   You will never forget.   I freaking cried at the grocery store a couple days ago,  b/c I saw lady in a purple coat like her's and I did a double take and remembered I probably wouldn't be seeing her at the store.   And cried.   I'm sorry you have to go thru this.  The only thing(s) that got me thru it was my kids.  I knew my mom would kick my @ss if she caught me in a pitty party when I have those kids to take care of (DS was 4 and ODD 10 mos when she passed).   That and DH letting me cry on his shoulder, literally!


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#4 of 9 Old 04-29-2011, 09:50 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss.  I hope that time brings a sense of peace to you, and that you find the strength within to embrace the situation you are now in with your father.  I am, once again, so very sorry for your loss and all that you are facing.  hug2.gif


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#5 of 9 Old 04-30-2011, 11:21 AM
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Huge hugs to you. Just huge, huge hugs x

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#6 of 9 Old 05-11-2011, 10:22 AM
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So, so very sorry, mama.

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#7 of 9 Old 05-11-2011, 12:07 PM
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I am so sorry. 

I lost my dad in January and this speaks to me -


Originally Posted by riversong View Post

I used to think I was prepared for their deaths, but I wasn't.  I miss my mom so badly and I cry all the time.  People say it will get easier...

He battled a chronic illness for a long time and I also thought I was prepared.  It really surprised how unprepared I was.


For me, I recognized I was mourning such much more than his death.  I was mourning the loss of a formerly (from my POV) happy family and mourning past good memories and the reality there would not be future memories.


I wish I had advice but I don't.  It has been just over 3 months for me and I do think it is a little bit better.


Mom to DS, born fall 05 after ,,, wife/best friend to DH We have
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#8 of 9 Old 05-24-2011, 03:16 PM
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Hugs to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. My husbands father died of a heart attack 2 weeks ago tomorrow. He was working just the day before. It is by far the hardest thing and the most pain we've ever felt. I'm sorry you are dealing with death times two. Life just seems so unfair sometimes. I hope the pain gets easier to cope with everyday that you make it through. I tell myself that everyday we finish is another day we've learned to make it through. So hard!

Almost crunchy momma to Adisyn (6), Gage (4) and Dellan (1)
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#9 of 9 Old 05-24-2011, 03:37 PM
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 It will get easier, but I don't think it will ever be easy and some times will be like a frozen hell of pain and I am sorry you will feel those times. It is clear you loved her deeply and wish she would have more time and more of a connection with your children. I wanted to tell you that they will not knew her as you did, but they will have a relationship with her memory. My children have never met my husbands mother, she died years before their births. However our oldest is 11 and asks of her often, wondering if she has her eyes, if she would have liked the same shows, the same books, same colors. Wondering if she would make the same choices. Your children will have as big of a relationship as they can with her through you.


 I am sorry your pain will be compounded with complicated emotions. It is ok to angry with your father even if he has helped you. In the end though I hope you can forgive if only to have some peace yourself.



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