lost 3 nieces and SIL in crash. does it get better? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 06-27-2011, 03:13 PM - Thread Starter
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i haven't been on mothering in some time, but don't know where to turn...i lost my sister-in-law (45), and three teenaged nieces (19, 19 & 14) in a car vs. train accident on jan 9th this year. here's a link to the accident details--i don't feel like writing it all out.


i keep thinking that things will get easier or that i will feel better soon, but instead i feel worse. i'm on meds for anxiety/depression issues, but that's nothing new and i'm usually quite good at managing my mental health. i feel like i'm stuck thinking about the loss in a loop. constantly reliving "the call" or thinking of the funeral home, or the pics of their smashed car, i could go on, but i think you get the picture. i'm also often worried about other people dying. i don't want to go to bed at night and getting up in the morning is a total struggle. i'm talking to the doc about hypnosis and changing up my meds. i guess i'm just looking to hear from others who have been through something like this. i just want to know that life will feel normal again one day.  i feel like i'm broken and i'll never be the whole normal me again. i look at old pictures of myself and wonder what's so different about me then versus now? what's there? how can i be that again?


i carry on as best i can now, but so often i feel as if i'm just going through the motions, faking a smile to make everyone else feel better. does it ever get better after you've been through something like this?

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#2 of 10 Old 06-27-2011, 03:50 PM
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I don't have any advice or experience to share, but I couldn't read and not post. I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. That is such a huge and tragic loss. Have you considered any grief counseling, or if you are religious seeing what your clergy can offer? 



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#3 of 10 Old 06-27-2011, 03:55 PM
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I didn't want to read without posting. I'm so sorry. What a heartbreaking situation.
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#4 of 10 Old 06-27-2011, 04:00 PM
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It really sounds like you might have some PTSD or something going on. Medication and therapy can help.
Reliving the incident and not being able to turn things off sound unusual - that would be really normal in the weeks after the accident. But not 5 months later. You deserve to sleep. You deserve to be sad without being haunted.
You deserve to mourn without some of these symptoms.

I am so sorry for your loss.

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#5 of 10 Old 07-07-2011, 08:54 PM
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I am so horrified for you and your family and what you are going through...I had something similar happen in my family (both sides, several times), and I can tell you that you will never be the same again, but someday you will be ok in your "new normal".  You also aren't giving yourself nearly enough time to begin to recover from such a shock and loss.  Of course you are still reliving the call, of course you can't imagine ever smiling again.  My aunt was killed by a drunk driver when she was 29 and I was 17, in 1987....I STILL think about that call, that next day at my grandparent's house, the sound of my mother and grandfather sobbing, the whispered details of her broken body, the funeral.  If I talk about it for long enough, I will still cry.  That accident blew my life apart, and my family, and none of us have ever been "the same".  BUT, we are all ok, even good, even great now.  It took a long time.  Think years, not months.  My mother really suffered for a while after, she had a hard time being a mother to us.  But we all understood, and there is no bitterness in any of us for how she handled life AFTER.  We were all just trying to make it through the moments of each day.  I felt like the walking dead for almost a year after, before life seemed worth living again.  But it did - it IS. 

Now we look at eachother in awe that we survived that (and more that came after). 


You are grieving now, deeply, maybe even lost in it.  But you WILL find your way out.  I promise. 




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#6 of 10 Old 07-09-2011, 01:19 PM
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just wanted to say how sorry I am. I first read your post a few weeks ago and thought of you often. So very sorry. I know it's not enough but   HUGS 

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#7 of 10 Old 07-09-2011, 01:47 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Im sure it has been so hard for you and your family to go through this tragedy. After a close friend of mine passed right after high school, I was so anxious every time the phone rang for about a year. It was really hard. I had a lot of nightmares of other people I was close to dying in an accident. Still, almost everytime I see a car accident that looks even remotely fatal I cry (10 years later). I hope this passes quickly for you, and Ill be thinking of you and your family.


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#8 of 10 Old 07-10-2011, 10:13 AM
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I do not have any advice to offer at this time, but I am truly sorry for your loss.

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#9 of 10 Old 07-10-2011, 06:08 PM
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hug.gif I am so sorry. I remember reading about the accident in the paper when it happened. I have often thought about the little boy that survived. I have not experienced a loss like that, but have lost family close to me. I think the above poster said it best when she said that you will find your "new normal".

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#10 of 10 Old 07-10-2011, 06:31 PM
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Yes it does get better.  You will always hurt but the hurt becomes different and you are able to bear it.  Be gentle on yourself you've been thought a terrible loss I am so sorry.

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