My husband died - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 07-01-2011, 02:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband died on April 9th and this is the first time I have been here since that time. Ben was 32 years old and died in his sleep for no known reason. The autopsy report came back with NOTHING, no known cause. I have a very difficult time wrapping my head around it. He was healthy and active. I just don't know what to say, but I feel like I need to vent and release. My children were in Jamaica with their grandparents and cousins when Ben died. It was spring break and we were dog/house sitting for my brother in law and sister in law during that time. Our house was for sale and I was cleaning for a showing and we were apart for a couple of days before he died. I didn't find him. His brother did when he came home from their trip. I was at home alone when my other sister on law came to me. I immediately went to where he was but I didn't have the balls to see him. I very much regret not seeing him for one last time. Ben was my best friend and life partner. I am devastated and scared. Telling my children, 7 & 8 yo, was the hardest thing I have ever done. My in laws were told but I wanted to tell the kids myself. They came bursting into the house full of joy and excitement and asked for their father. I won't get into details but it was very sad and unpleasant. Having no known reason for Ben's death is very difficult for the kids. They have slept with me every night since. I am ok financially and my house sold a week after dh died. I own a rental property, a duplex, and we will move there next June. Currently, we are all living with my brother in law and sister in law. It's working out great! We have 5 kids, 3 dogs and 3 adults. It's a mad house!;-) We are all healing and moving forward. I'm going back to school in the fall and enjoying summer with my family and friends. I'm agnostic, as was Ben, so I'm not down with the heaven jazz. However, I know I will see him again someday and he is at peace. We were together for 10 years, too short, but glad to have known such an intelligent, caring, hilarious, deep thinking man. I love you Benjamin Pearce Manson and rest in peace.

There are three things I learned about life. It goes on. -Longfellow

 

stillheart.gifRIP DH DJ Delicious but mucho gracias for our children and all I have learnedstillheart.gif

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#2 of 26 Old 07-01-2011, 03:00 PM
 
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I am so very sorry your loss. I am glad you are surrounded by family. May they give you the love, joy and strength you and your children need.

 

I will remember Ben in my prayers.

 

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#3 of 26 Old 07-01-2011, 03:10 PM
 
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I am so sorry for you and your children's loss. candle.gif


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#4 of 26 Old 07-01-2011, 03:27 PM
 
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I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. candle.gif

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#5 of 26 Old 07-01-2011, 03:36 PM
 
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I am so sorry. Be kind to yourself.

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#6 of 26 Old 07-01-2011, 10:04 PM
 
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I am so sorry.
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#7 of 26 Old 07-02-2011, 01:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, mamas:-) My kids were scared to travel again after dh's death. A few weeks after Ben died I bought plane tickets to NYC for June. We went and had a blast! My BIL, SIL and two of their kids went, too. We are going as an entire family, including both sets of grandparents, to Mexico this coming Spring Break and I'm going to take the kids to England to visit friends next summer. I want the kids to be comfortable with traveling and having new and fun experiences again. We are going to sprinkle ashes on our trips at the places where Ben had never been before. He was a very tall dude so we have ashes for eons;-)! As for me, I joined an awesome gym, have a personal trainer (I have been working my arse off!) and have been taking lots of yoga and pilates classes. I get monthly massages and have been getting manicures and pedicures. I'm mostly at peace now. I still cry and mourn my husband but every day it gets a little bit easier. One of my favorite quotes is from Frost, "The three things I have learned from life is, it goes on." One step in front of the other. This is a new chapter for us and we are doing well:-).

There are three things I learned about life. It goes on. -Longfellow

 

stillheart.gifRIP DH DJ Delicious but mucho gracias for our children and all I have learnedstillheart.gif

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#8 of 26 Old 07-02-2011, 06:02 AM
 
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I couldn't read this and not respond. I'm so sad for you and wish you healing, but I'd like to relate a story. My uncle was 38 when he passed away under similar circumstances. It was hard on everyone, as I'm sure you know. But my 3 cousins are all normal, healthy adultsand have good relationships with  my aunt,who remarried after a few years and seems very happy. It sounds like you have great support, and I hope very much, that there is light at the end of your tunnel as well.


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#9 of 26 Old 07-02-2011, 06:40 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for you loss. It sounds like you have an amazing support system and have many plans to keep you healthy and moving forward. Good for you! That can not be easy and I admire your courage. 


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#10 of 26 Old 07-02-2011, 08:18 AM
 
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I can't imagine being in your position.  I'm so thankful that you have such amazing family support and that you are doing things to take care of yourself and get the help processing that you need.  hug2.gif


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#11 of 26 Old 07-03-2011, 09:24 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss.  Peace to you and your children.

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#12 of 26 Old 07-03-2011, 02:04 PM
 
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Peace and love to you all. So very sorry you are all having to go through this.

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#13 of 26 Old 07-03-2011, 02:53 PM
 
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Im so sorry for you family's loss.  I can't imagine the strength you have!


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#14 of 26 Old 07-03-2011, 07:53 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss...and glad to hear that you are healing.  Keep your bright spirit and it will help to heal your children, too, I am sure.

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#15 of 26 Old 07-03-2011, 08:36 PM
 
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I'm so very sorry, mama.


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#16 of 26 Old 07-04-2011, 05:16 PM
 
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So very sorry to read of your loss.Glad you have good family support.Hugs.

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#17 of 26 Old 07-04-2011, 10:00 PM
 
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Oh, mama! Hugs to you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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#18 of 26 Old 07-05-2011, 11:59 AM
 
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Dear Abbylotus-

I am so sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your husband. It seems like things are working out pretty well so far and I am glad that you have found support through this forum. I would like to offer an article titled, "Holding Your Own in the Court of Public Opinion", written by an author on the Hello Grief website. I hope this article will provide some words of wisdom as you continue down your grief journey. I would also like to suggest another article from the Hello Grief website titled, "Resilience Skills to Help Children Deal with Grief and Loss", as a helpful resource as well.

 

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#19 of 26 Old 07-05-2011, 12:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you again everyone for your kind words! I'm going to check out the grief literature. We had a great 4th of July with family yesterday. It was weird not having dh there but overall it went very well. I am going to start waitressing again at a organic restaurant in the fall. I'm still going to school and will work only a couple of days:-)

There are three things I learned about life. It goes on. -Longfellow

 

stillheart.gifRIP DH DJ Delicious but mucho gracias for our children and all I have learnedstillheart.gif

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#20 of 26 Old 07-05-2011, 01:28 PM
 
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I am sorry for your loss.  I know what it's like to lose your spouse so young.  Mine was 32 when he died-13 days before our youngest's first birthday and I remember the feeling of telling my girls about their father.  I used to check out www.ywbb.org, but don't really go there too much anymore.


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#21 of 26 Old 07-06-2011, 02:58 PM
 
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I have no words. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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#22 of 26 Old 07-30-2011, 05:47 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your and your children's loss. How tremendously sad!

 

It sounds like you are dealing with it in a healthy way and not afraid to get on with your life. Good for you! I'm glad you have a lot of family so you're not on your own with the kids all the time.

 

I wish healing and recovery for you and your children, it sounds like you're on the path already.

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#23 of 26 Old 07-30-2011, 11:29 PM
 
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.

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#24 of 26 Old 08-03-2011, 02:56 PM
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I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.  I wish you and your children peace.  He sounds like he was a wonderful man.

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"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#25 of 26 Old 09-13-2011, 09:47 AM
 
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I wish you the very best as you continue on your healing journey.

 

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

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#26 of 26 Old 04-25-2012, 01:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you again for all the kind words. It means a lot.  :-)
 


There are three things I learned about life. It goes on. -Longfellow

 

stillheart.gifRIP DH DJ Delicious but mucho gracias for our children and all I have learnedstillheart.gif

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