She had been on a ventilator for four months, and she was dying by centimeters and she and everyone else knew that this was the end. She was not going to get better and her body was deteriorating. So she made the decision to die peacefully and on her own terms. They disconnected the ventilator at noon on Wednesday, and she passed away at 9:15 am yesterday.My siblings and my dad and I were with her the whole time, and while it was the most difficult day I have ever had to live through, those 24 hours that I spent with her were the most precious hours of my life and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I just can't bring myself to believe that she is really gone, and the pain I have is unbearable. I have no idea how I am going to get through this.
M, I am so sorry for your loss. It's good that you got to be with her; I'm glad you had that chance. I hope in time your memories of her gentle and become something to treasure, rather than something painful. It's really hard to get there, I know. You're in my thoughts.
I lost my mother 13 years ago. Now you've joined the "sisterhood" of women who have lost their mothers. It's a loss like no other.
You can get through. Don't think too far ahead yet. Just get through today. If you can bear it, give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling. There may be moments when it's all about sadness; other feelings may come up, too. I remember in the days following my mom's death feeling a strange clarity, as if I could see things as they really were for the first time. It was death's way of opening my eyes to what's truly important. I don't miss the crushing feeling of knowing that she was gone, but I do sometimes miss that clarity.
Living in Wisconsin with my partner of 20+ years and our DD(Born 10/09/08 ). Why CI Mama? Because I love contact improvisation!
Thank you to all of you. I appreciate the support you have given me. I am putting one foot in front of the other, but it is so hard. I always knew that losing her would be hard, but I had no idea it would hurt THIS bad. I know it won't hurt like this forever, but when you are feeling it so intensely it seems like it could never get better.