I am very sorry for anyone's loss of their mother who was also their best friend. I am in the same situation only I lost my mom and her best friend(my second mom) 9 months ago in a car accident.
The feelings of it not being real are still very strong for me. My mom and her best friend were huge travellers and I often think they are just on a long trip somewhere.
I did not meet my grandmother as she choked to death when my mom was younger. I cannot believe that my children will not meet the most amazing woman in my life. She was my best friend too.
I find that the hardest part of my day is falling asleep as this is the time when my mind reflects and goes through everything and of course so many things remind me of my mom, are linked to her, someone mentioned her, I sat and looked at pictures for a bit etc. It all comes to ahead at night and sometimes I cry myself to sleep.
Having key support people has been good, but dealing with the pain and emotions myself at my own speed has really helped. We are hoping to become pregnant soon and I want to make sure I am not going to be a hormonal basketcase so I am seeking counselling so I dont confuse the emotions and then have heavy post partum.
"No one can tell you HOW to grieve or how LONG you can grieve for." - Best advice I have received.
I will grieve for the rest of my life because of this loss. M\y dad has other ideas and thought I should have been moving on in March. Glad he doesnt live near me. That could have been a disaster.
Take care, we are all here together. I am so glad to have found this community.
It has been a year since the OP, and I want to say that I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 6 and half years ago. While she had health problems, it was still a shock. She went to sleep one night, and she did not wake up. She lost her home in Hurricane Katrina, rebuilt, moved in January of 2006 and died two months later. It was the first time in her life she had all new, nice things. I still think it was the stress of the storm that hastened her death. almost seven years later, and I still pick up the phone to call her. I was her only child, so everything fell to me to deal with, all the decisions to make, etc. My parents were divorced when I was a year old, so my dad wasn't interested in my grieving. He didn't even come to the service, which upset me because I see services as for the living as much as for the deceased. It breaks my heart that my kids won't have the same memories of her that I have of my grandmothers, who are so special to me.
It gets easier, but it never gets easy. Hugs to all who are suffering with loss.
You may benefit from either herbal or pharmaceutical medication as a crutch for a short time, especially as you have a small child who needs you.
One idea is to put a number on your calendar every night rating the day 1-4. After several weeks it may help to look back and see how the bad days get less frequent over time.
There are stages to grief and everyone needs to work through them in their own time. That said, children are sensitive to the emotions around them and need son cushioning from such overwhelming grief as you describe. A professional counselor might help.
Sorry for your loss.