This past August I had an abortion... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 01-10-2012, 12:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hope this is an ok place to post this. If it's not could the mods please delete it. 


It's been almost six months and I finally feel I'm ready to talk about it.

 

Husband and I went camping, I had just finished my monthlies just before we went, and finished my last pack of birthcontrol. Couldn't get to the clinic before we left, but I didn't really worry about it. Did the deed while camping, had no condoms, again I didn't really worry. 

 

Well I started getting morning sickness a few weeks later and two pregnancy tests confirmed it. We couldn't handle it, we were just moving out of his parent's place and into our own. Our car was hitting it's last legs. I had no job. So we did what we thought was best. It was the hardest decision I've had to make, I want kids so badly. I really want to be a mom but after growing up with a parent who had two children before she was ready I don't want to go through that.

 

And it hurts. I look at the calender and think how far along I'd be if we hadn't chosen to terminate. I wonder if I would have had a boy or girl.

 

I know we did the right thing, but sometimes I wonder if it was the best thing.

 


Wife to a wonderful man, not a mommy yet but looking forward to when we are ready. 
"Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you." Loretta Young
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#2 of 13 Old 01-10-2012, 03:11 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you had to make such a difficult decision.  I hope you are able to find peace.  hug2.gif


A, jammin.gif mama to a boy (2005) and a girl (2009)
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#3 of 13 Old 01-10-2012, 04:25 PM
 
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I've never had an abortion..or the need to, for that matter.  Like you, I want children so, so badly.  Also like you, I know that would be the best decision for my boyfriend and I at this point in our lives.  

 

Unlike you, I d''nt think I'd be strong enough to do it.  I am so proud of you for doing what you needed to do to better prepare and I know you will make a wonderful mother someday.  Hang in there. hug.gif

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Someday it will be my turn!
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#4 of 13 Old 01-10-2012, 04:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bokonon View Post

I'm so sorry you had to make such a difficult decision.  I hope you are able to find peace.  hug2.gif



This, I wish I had better words to offer comfort. 

 


Mom to DS, born fall 05 after ,,, wife/best friend to DH We have
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#5 of 13 Old 01-19-2012, 08:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone. I think I feel better just saying (writing) what happened. More like I've acknowledged it and can come to better terms with it now. 


Wife to a wonderful man, not a mommy yet but looking forward to when we are ready. 
"Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you." Loretta Young
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#6 of 13 Old 01-20-2012, 02:43 PM
 
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Hi Corri.

 

You sound strong and kind and like you will make a marvelous mommy when the time is right.

 

I hope this link about Spirit Babies brings you some peace:

 

http://mommyfriend.com/2010/04/30/spirit-baby/

 

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 sleepytime.gif I got tired of my signature, but I still love my children and husband and miss my little brotherkid.gif

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#7 of 13 Old 01-20-2012, 03:01 PM
 
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I can relate - and i think you made the right decision for yourself at the time you had to make it.

  When i first starting dating my BF we got pregnant - WITH using a condom! (interesting enough i also got pregnant while camping!) I was 35, had two school aged kids from my previous marriage, lived in a one bedroom apt. and worked 2 jobs to support my kids and myself.   I had been dating BF for 11 months at the time.  I had an abortion, we stayed together, we got married and last year had a baby.  Because we waited, we know each other so much better, we are financially stable and i am able to be a stay - at home Mom - which i have ALWAYS wanted to do. 

We all have to make tough choices, and you have to do whats right for you. 


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#8 of 13 Old 01-20-2012, 05:44 PM
 
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Another thought that has helped me in difficult times.

 

"There is no right or wrong.  You make a decision, and you make it right."

 

I don't know who to credit for this one, but I think it is important.

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 sleepytime.gif I got tired of my signature, but I still love my children and husband and miss my little brotherkid.gif

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#9 of 13 Old 01-21-2012, 12:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Caedenmomma, that link about spirit babies was beautiful and with out going into a huge thing over what I believe that sums up my feeling pretty much perfectly. Thank you so much. 


Wife to a wonderful man, not a mommy yet but looking forward to when we are ready. 
"Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you." Loretta Young
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#10 of 13 Old 01-21-2012, 05:47 PM
 
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You bet, sweetie.  Thinking of you and your reunion with your spirit baby!  luxlove.gif


 sleepytime.gif I got tired of my signature, but I still love my children and husband and miss my little brotherkid.gif

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#11 of 13 Old 01-22-2012, 11:38 AM
 
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Hi, we all do the best we can with what we have.  Someday you will make a beautiful mother and you will feel comfortable with where you are in life then to be the best mother possible.  hug2.gif


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#12 of 13 Old 01-22-2012, 05:32 PM
 
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Corrij

 

just wanted to share a link...and give you a hug.

 

http://www.afterabortion.com/

 

This kind of decision is never easy but I am sure you had very legitimate reasons.  Write a letter to your child, make a memory bracelet (here's the one I made - http://i268.photobucket.com/albums/jj18/jentlemama/P1150601.jpg) , name the baby, put a garden stone in your garden, whatever you can think of for remembrance.  This is a different kind of loss from a miscarriage because it's not shareable, and no one sends you sympathy cards, but it's still a very deep loss.  Take care of you. 

 

Every January, I remember my aborted child (before husband I could afford to marry, we got pregnant).  That child would have been 14 this year.  I forget during the rest of the year, but I always remember during January, it's the same month as my firstborn daughter.  It's a bittersweet time for me. 

 

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. 


Mama of 3 girls: 7.5 , 6 , and 4.5
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#13 of 13 Old 02-03-2012, 09:26 PM
 
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Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I had to make that difficult decision to terminate early in our marriage. DH and I were not ready to have a child, emotionally or financially. We talked about it then terminated it. I had the procedure done 10 years ago this week.

I had a very hard time coping with the decision. About six months down the line I actually ended up in therapy because I couldn't find closure over the issue. It was hard because terminating a pregnancy is sort of taboo in our culture, esp. for married couples. So I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to. Talking to the therapist helped me to see that just because it is the best decision doesn't always mean it will make you happy. Sometimes doing what is best feels like crap.

We have two children now and in many ways having them has made me realize how wise it was of us to terminate that unexpected early child and wait until we were ready. Kids are so much work!

It helps to have someone to talk to. I hope sharing here helps you find closure. And don't worry, when the time is right you will be a great mom.


CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
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