I've been craving a mother for so long - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 04-12-2012, 11:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I lost my bestfriend my mom 1.5 years ago & I miss her so much and I can't seem to survive alone anymore..
 
My dad, brother and I have lost her due a sudden unexpected heart attack when she was 52 years old.
 
I was her only and spoiled daughter, and I say that with pain. We used to chat with each other before bed and cuddle a lot.. Now I miss her so much, and I wish someone would fill in the blank she left in my hear.
 
I'm a Uni. student, I have a long term crush of my former professor who doesn't seem to care about me. I just love her so much and I wish she becomes my surrogant mother for a month or two. She's very successful, yonge & attractive woman just as my own mother was. I'm not bi or anything, I just want her to fill in that place of my mom or at least be there to help.
 
I can't seem help myself getting over my 'crush?' nor focusing on my study - at all..
 
I have seen therapists, they were 8 sessions ( to coping with my mom loss, grieving, and bereavement). I also stayed in touch with family,  made lots of friends.. But I still need someone as a mother and it's a huge painful feeling that no one can understand.
 
I understand that I can't bring my mom back, and that's another pain on my shoulder. But I need a life mother, some woman who can fight for me, guide me and be there whenever I need her. Thinking unreal about my professor helps a lot, but it's painful Because I know that's not gonna happen. I always have dreams of her hugging me and comforting me, and telling me she will be there , but that's just not true. 
My professor actually, thinks I'm weird, stupid and hard to fix, even though I forced myself to be excellent in her class to get her attention.. But I can't change her perception about me cuz she just decided to not respond to any of my emails/contacts because I told her how much she reminded me of my mom and she's my favorite professor at the end of the class...... Appearently , her life is so busy to bother herself with my issue, or even look at me.
 
My school grades suck because I think about my prof so much.. I almost failed two of my classes this semester.
 
I feel like I have a 3 yrs old girl soul & feelings even though I'm 22 years and almost graduating from University. 
 
I feel weaker, hearbroken day by day.. I cry for the tinest issues and I wish a mother was there ..
 
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#2 of 6 Old 04-12-2012, 01:04 PM
 
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Dear Emerald,

 

I'm so sorry that you have lost your mother at such a young age.  I know that I am nearly twice your age and I couldn't imagine not having my mother with me.  But, I also know that that day will come, and I will more than likely NOT be ready for it even when it does happen. 

 

I hear your pain....and want to encourage you to try to remember those beautiful times that you had with your mom.  No one will ever be able to replace her.  Even though you wish there was someone else to fill her place try to remember the things that she has taught you.  I am sure she raised you to be a strong, loving and kind woman.  I am sure that you are very intelligent with special talents and gifts all your own.  I am sure that you will make her proud in what ever you set your mind to do.  I am sure that she is with you-  always- gently nudging you....

 

Listen to that still small voice in your heart...meditate...think...and wait...your answers will come from within...you don't need anyone else to tell you what to do or be something they were never meant to be.

 

I will be praying for you- that you find peace, strength and courage to be all that your are meant to be in this world!

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#3 of 6 Old 04-14-2012, 08:39 PM
 
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Moving to Grief and Loss.


 
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#4 of 6 Old 04-15-2012, 08:24 PM
 
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sounds like this is a heavy burden to bear. 

 

sounds like your read on the college professor is right on. i would gently suggest that you focus on moving on from that obsession.

 

as a "ray of hope," have you considered that your future *mother in law* could fill this role for you? although you might not be dating or close to marrying at all... even though i am blessed to have a wonderful mother, my mother in law was an excellent addition / enhancement to my life. even though i eventually divorced her son, we have stayed in touch. and when i was baptized last year, i asked her to be my godmother, thus "cementing" her role in my life.

 

are you keeping a journal of this important time in your life? i would encourage you to write out what it is that you "see" in the college professor, and how she reminds you of your mother. someday you can be in a better position to "digest" this information. you will grow and change as the years go by.

 

do you "talk" with your mother in spirit or in prayer? no doubt she is always with you in your heart. 

 

i pray you find peace in your situation.

 

also as another "ray of hope," know that MANY people find peace with their mother issues (mother issues of all types) when they themselves become mothers. part of it seems to be that, as you yourself mother others, you are also giving yourself the mothering you crave.

 

i wish you the best of luck.

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#5 of 6 Old 04-21-2012, 01:33 PM
 
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Emerald,

 

I had to think about your post before I posted back. Every moment that is supposed to be happy and huge (marriage, babies, graduation) will be bitter sweet. You will find women (and possibly men) that will mother you. I lost my mom when I was sixteen and after that I made some horrible relationship choices seeking out someone to take care of me like my mommy did. I think you should seek out some more counseling or therapy. Your teacher is not being mean she is reacting to a situation that made her uncomfortable and blurred the lines of teacher/student. You did not do anything wrong by reaching out either. The ache for a mom can be so rough and in the throws of labor I was crying for mom, it had been eleven years since she passed. I looked to a lot of people for that mother love support and even though I have found a great sub for the moment I am always worried she will leave too but I have to remind myself to enjoy the relationship while I have it. You are not weird you are not strange, you just miss your mommy. Much love and hugs.

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#6 of 6 Old 04-21-2012, 01:34 PM
 
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Also- Motherless Mothers is a great book

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