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ShyingViolet 05-04-2012 01:22 PM


laohaire 05-04-2012 02:18 PM

I am incredibly sorry for your loss.


I don't know anything about anything, but my first thought was for you to call your university and see what can be done so you can grieve right now. I am assuming it's close to the end of the semester. Will your professors let you just take exams? Do your grades matter that much if you pass? If it were earlier in the semester I'd think about dropping but I'd hate for you to be set back a whole semester if it's not necessary. I'm just imagining, maybe I'm crazy, that you just show up for exams, do the best you can, barely pass them, pass the class, "good enough."


I don't know if you were going to continue this summer, and I would guess that maybe should be deferred till fall. I don't think you'd have to start repaying for not attending in summer.


Does your husband have a life insurance policy? If you don't think so, ask his parents and ask any "professional" friends and family members he may have (his accountant brother, his paralegal friend).


Add to your musing the possibility of sharing housing with other mothers (I have forgotten once again the name of the site, someone else will chime in, where you can find such roommates). This might ease your financial burden (and thus give you more options) and also maybe give you a source of support, if you are lucky to have a really good roommate situation.


Honestly, I'm not sure you can count on having a sweet work-from-home setup. The economy is really tough, and a lot of women want to work from home. It's possible, though, especially if you can reduce your needs. I'd be thinking childcare and online translation services. You can also take in students for tutoring. This is all more like supplemental money, though.


Some women have managed to get jobs at daycare centers, so they can be with their children and get a reduced rate.


I will keep thinking of ideas... I really wish I had the power to undo this all for you, I really do.

laohaire 05-04-2012 02:20 PM

Also, are you receiving counseling services?


If not, you might call your hospital, or social services center, and see what is available. I am thinking there is a person or organization in your area that can help you navigate these very questions that you are facing, both from practical and emotional standpoints.

ShyingViolet 05-04-2012 02:32 PM


laohaire 05-04-2012 02:41 PM

I like budgets so I sent you a PM.

Alenushka 05-04-2012 03:03 PM

I am so sorry for you loss.


You have to accept the new normal which now will involve work and separation form you child at t least on the part time basis.


I highly recommend that you finish your degree.


Look into interpreting/translation training.


I do not know where you are but if there some programs  in Legal or Healthcare interpreting around you, it could be quiet perfect for you. Spanish is high demand.


As a translator, you can work from home or telecommute.


As an interpreter you can work with companies such as Cyracom, Language Line or Pacific Interpreters form home, on the phone.


With a certificate in Healthcare interpreting you can work part time for a hospital and get full benefits or freelance or even open your own little agency.


90% of interpreters and translators  are women because of the flexibility this career provides.

artekah 05-04-2012 03:16 PM


You could be a nanny in someone else's home with the understanding that your DD goes with you. With the right family & age(s) of children it could work out. You could put out an ad on Craigslist explaining your situation and see if anyone responds.

laohaire 05-04-2012 03:50 PM

So I'm guessing you're living on student loans right now.


How much longer till you are done?


And how hefty are these loans? How much extra are you getting to live on?


I don't know what I'd do yet but it's important to be careful with the loans. You don't want to graduate saddled with a ton of loans that will weigh you down.


Is there on-campus daycare? How much? Can you just drop off for a class and pay by the hour?


How easy or difficult is studying for you? Are you studying hard, or able to breeze by with minimal effort?

cyclamen 05-05-2012 01:25 AM

My heart goes out to you and your DD.  What a heartbreaking situation to be in.


Can you get on public assistance while you find your footing/finish school/find a suitable employment/housing situation? 


Also, I read through your past posts, and you've gone through a lot of trauma in the last two years.  Trauma puts your mama bear instincts on high alert, and not wanting to let your daughter out of your sight is a healthy survival reaction.  It might interfere with your functionality in the circumstance you find yourself, but it comes from a healthy place.  I'm just a stranger on the internet but I want to validate your feelings in case it matters at all to hear someone else say it.  


You can call your student loan provider and find out what kind of emergency deferments or grace periods can be offered to you once the summer is up.  If you have federal student loans, and you stay in touch, they can be quite reasonable.  If your school has a counseling center, you could check there - often free counseling is available to students in crisis.  You paid for it with your tuition.  And check with the student aid office because they may be able to connect you with resources.  Ask for help from any person you come across.  Contact all your professors and let them know what has happened in your family because they almost always will give leeway in that situation.  If you do this and get on public assistance, you can keep your options open for probably another year at least, so you don't lose a future shot at finishing a degree because your loans went into default while you were dealing with this crisis, and you can leave yourself some of the personal (emotional) resources you may need to begin gathering your life back together.

Climbing Rose 05-05-2012 03:51 PM

Honestly, if you really want to stay home with her full-time (and homeschool) I think you can.


There are plenty of single moms who manage to get gov't assistance with food, etc, and stay home.  I know some who are doing it, so I know it's doable. 


In the cases where I have heard of the passing of a parent, the child usually gets a check from the gov't (social security?) every month.  Do you know if you will? 


Have you considered moving in with your mom?  Of course I have no idea what that would be like, but maybe it could even be a temporary option.  You would have some adult help, someone to help with expenses, etc.


You have time to figure more things out as DD gets older. 


There are reputable medical transcription places-- just one idea-- that you can legitimately do from your home. 

Or you may be able to find part time work that DD can go too, like others mentioned.  I used to work in a daycare, and a lot of the moms brought their own DC (of all ages) for free. 

Of course, this won't exactly be using your degree, but it is money and being with your DD.


I hope you find a way to stay with your DD.  My heart goes out to you.

Katica 05-05-2012 11:47 PM

I`m so very sorry for your losses.

I know your situation is different but maybe the mothers on the single parenting board could give you some ideas about how to proceed.

butterfly_mommy 05-08-2012 11:21 AM

I don't have an advice for you but I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss of your DH and DS candle.gif

writinglove 05-08-2012 03:55 PM

dear shyingviolet,

the previous posters have given you tons of great advice. one of things i want to emphasize is that you don't have to have everything figured out right now. start with your loans, and stay in close communication with the loan counselors, and your school deferments, and then work from there.


first things first


the health care translating gig sounds like something to look into, in my humble opinion.

it is perfectly healthy not to want to let your dd out of your sight right now. with time, you will loosen your grip. but it is what it is right now. keep going to counseling. the pain will be raw, but it is good to have more tools.

take good care sweetheart. you are a strong and incredibly smart woman. you will figure out a future for yourself. i am so so sorry for your losses. hug.gif


xoxo 05-08-2012 04:32 PM

Oh mama, I can't imagine.  I am so sorry for your loss!


When my marriage broke up and I had a young child who I was committed to staying with, I found a perfect situation where we got a small garage apartment in exchange for "nannying" 3 school age kids.  i put the nannying in quotes, because I wasn't really babysitting, but instead, it was my job to get those kids to and from school and extra-curricular activities.  It was perfect for us.  I hope you can find something as perfect for you.


I am also going to send you a pm with a link to a legit work at home income possibility that I have used for a few years now for extra money.  

itsybistyspider 05-29-2012 04:55 PM

NAK- i was looking for you from our ddc, think of you every day. praying for you all.


can you contact the farm in TN and explain? maybe they can provide you with a housing exchange or similar situation short term, until you can figure out the long term? or perhaps they know of another intentional community or ??? that could help.


WWOOF is a farm work program that might suit your needs, and lead to a long term solution. you work for food/housing and some invite kids. google that.


can you give up life here, and move to a mission project for kids with your daughter in Central or South america? a home for girls perhaps? or a womens shelter?


how about a work trade on this place- ive been there its amazing- or a place like it


you can do this. we live and travel on very little money. be creative. PM me if you need to talk.

ShyingViolet 05-30-2012 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by itsybistyspider View Post


can you give up life here, and move to a mission project for kids with your daughter in Central or South america? a home for girls perhaps? or a womens shelter?



I've actually thought about this. I have a degree in Spanish and would love to do something like that if I could keep my daughter with me. I don't know how to go about finding something like that though.

itsybistyspider 05-31-2012 04:09 AM

get on google, and start searching. try something like- "orphanage nicaragua". i know there is a home for girls in Granada... hold on here are some ideas


ok so find some that look interesting, send them a simple email which says something like " this is is my CV...this is my daughter.... we want to come....can you take us.... will you house us?"


PS i have done this and had an amazing few adventures, although mine were pre-kids. We did just get back from nicaragua with dd and me at 38weeks. love it there.

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