DS's headstone drama - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 12 Old 08-06-2012, 03:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Can I just say that I'm raging mad and hurt and feeling that stuff is really crappy right now? MIL is a cemetery person, she is in a club for people who go around and clean them up and make sure small cemeteries get on maps, etc. So, after charlie died she said she'd make the arrangements for the stone whenever we were ready. I told her we were ready on June 1st. Today she made the call. I've been basically hounding her to get to work on Charlie's stone, and she keeps putting it off. Finally, today she made the call- something that could have been done two months ago. We have all the money set aside, and know exactly what we want,but the holdup is on the fact that she "knows" someone.

 

I all but said that I was going to hate her forever if I had to lay my child's stone in the winter when all the plants were dead or if it had to wait until next spring. So she called. I want to bury one baby and have it all wrapped up before these twins are born, is that really so crazy of me? Apparently, she was grieving and it took her some time to be able to do this because it was a "hard" phone call for her to make. I would have made the call myself, months ago.

 

What we wanted was a stone that had his face engraved on it and his name, birthday and death date. That is it. Nothing else. Apparently, it doesn't exist. In order to have his face engraved it has to be black granite, and they basically just laser etch a photo on. It's not our style, its not what we wanted. We wanted it to look more like a drawing than a photo, and shiny black just looks so modern and weird out on a farm cemetery. (He is buried here at home).

 

They sent me all these proofs- and I just couldn't stop crying because it's so weird to see my baby's photograph  on a headstone. It's just not right. It's not fair.


Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

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#2 of 12 Old 08-06-2012, 03:52 PM
 
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I'm so sorry mama. This one on a long list of things you shouldn't have to do. Nothing about it is fair or right.
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#3 of 12 Old 08-06-2012, 03:54 PM
 
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I'm so sorry greensad.gif
It sounds so sad. And frustrating. ((Hugs))

chicken3.gif mama to two teens and two tots partners.gif madly in love with DP guitar.gif

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#4 of 12 Old 08-06-2012, 08:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks guys :) I was just having a terrible moment when I wrote that. Im feeling better now, just letting some things go- it's not my strong suit.


Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

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#5 of 12 Old 08-06-2012, 08:50 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Holly. I wish that your MIL was able to support in the way that you needed in this time. I see that you are doing a little better now and hope that you continue to feel better. I'm supporting and hugs your way. hug.gif

 

PS I think your vision of your son's headstone is a beautiful and lovely way to honor him.
 


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#6 of 12 Old 08-06-2012, 11:55 PM
 
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I am so sorry that you are going through this - it is simply not fair.
I'm not sure that the information about the photo is correct though - my husband is a funeral director here in Illinois (not sure where you are) but if you would like for me to ask him some questions regarding headstones I'd be happy to - would even share his email address if you prefer to talk to him directly. He orders headstones quite often and may be able to be of some guidance without you having to worry about someone making a commission pressuring you to choose something different than you really want.
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#7 of 12 Old 08-07-2012, 11:51 AM
 
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I'm sorry Adaline'sMommy....that just sucks. No way around it. Nothing but suck. I'm sorry.

My mom keeps hounding me to bury her ashes, but we just haven't found a family plot yet. No fun.

I'm sorry. 


 

8.31.11. - 9.1.11  Mira Joy

My only child after 5 years of trying.    

                                            

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#8 of 12 Old 08-07-2012, 01:52 PM
 
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hug2.gif

 

I've been pretty amazed by your resilience, for what that's worth.


lovestory.gif   And on 09/23/2011, we were three;  husband, daughter, and me!

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#9 of 12 Old 08-07-2012, 06:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks guys :)

 

 

Mrs. Gregory, I have to stay strong, or Ill just fall into a bazillion pieces on the floor. It does happen a few times a week :)


Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

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#10 of 12 Old 08-08-2012, 02:14 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

Thanks guys :) I was just having a terrible moment when I wrote that. Im feeling better now, just letting some things go- it's not my strong suit.

 

Hey, I don't think ordering your baby's headstone is anyone's strong suit. It may sound odd, but I'm glad to hear you're falling apart regularly still. It's healthy that you allow yourself to, and it's the natural way humans get through grief. I also love to hear about how you are moving on. You strike me as a very well-balanced person and I think you're doing the absolute best a person can do in this awful situation. I hope you all can find the headstone that suits Charlie.


Mama since 2010
Multicultural living in Europe
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#11 of 12 Old 08-08-2012, 06:39 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

Thanks guys :)

 

 

Mrs. Gregory, I have to stay strong, or Ill just fall into a bazillion pieces on the floor. It does happen a few times a week :)

 



It's the  picking yourself up and trying to carry on that I am admiring.  smile.gif


lovestory.gif   And on 09/23/2011, we were three;  husband, daughter, and me!

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#12 of 12 Old 08-30-2012, 11:13 AM
 
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Hi A'smama. It really sucks when you have to deal with other people's grieving getting in the way of your trying to heal. I went through that too. We still haven't been able to bring ourselves to get an official headstone. She is buried at our place too.


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