My daughter is having a miscarrige, she is devistated, they have been trying for months and finally a positive test, she was 8weeks and 3 days when she started to bleed, she called me at 5am sobbing, asking me what to do :( , i told her to go to emergency and i would meet her there. I could hear her crying from the waiting room, my heart is brolken for her and her husband. She is inconsolable, I want to help her but I dont know how, I cant fix this one, what can i do to ease my babys pain???
beyondsadness, I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I think you are already being supportive by acknowledging your daughter's loss and being there with her. As you say, there is nothing that will fix this, but having support and care when experiencing a loss can make a big difference.
Can you ask your daughter what would help her most? For example, some people find it helpful to talk about the child that they lost and being someone she can talk to about that could be an amazing support. Other people might find it more difficult to discuss and might prefer you don't bring up the baby. The only way to know what's right for her is to ask. Write down the day of the loss and her due date; if she wants to remember her baby on those days, send a card or give a call, so that she is not alone in remembering. If she is interested in meeting other women who have experienced what she did, help her to find support groups in her area. If others make insensitive comments (such as "well, at least it happened early" or "you can always get pregnant again...what's the big deal?" (and yes, I've heard people say those things)), be there to listen to her and empathize with how painful those words are. If she has told people of her pregnancy and doesn't want to be the one to share the news of the loss, offer (with her permission) to contact family members and friends to let them know and ask her if it's ok if people contact her with cards, etc. and if she would find that helpful, let others know what they can do, so that they can support her in the best way for her. Practical support: meals, errands, help around her house might be ways to give her support in the coming weeks.
You may want to do a search in the Pregnancy and Birth Loss forum as I recall that others have asked there about how to support a family member or friend who has experienced a loss, so you may find some helpful ideas there.
Thinking of you, your daughter, your son-in-law, and family during this difficult time.
so sorry for your family.
I just wanted to pass on how a friend of mine felt in that situation.
she didn't want the loss hushed away. She since had another baby and feels like family assume this makes up for the lost one and so is never mentioned.
Small things would have helped her. A special Christmas ornament to signify that this baby, however small was a baby. She feels like even an early loss is still a loss of all the dreams you had for that child.
But, I guess everyone is different so i guess it depends on how your daughter chooses to cope.
again, so sorry.
Living happily on a little island in the sun
|Grief And Loss|