What to do with clothes from a baby who died? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 08-25-2012, 07:38 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm actually posting this because of a conversation with a friend (I should just say that I have not lost any children, and pray daily that I never know what this friend went through). Her second daughter died at 8 weeks old, about 2 years ago, and she's now expecting again. She was giving me some hand-me-downs from her older daughter, because she's expecting a boy and I'm having a girl. We came across some of her other baby's clothes in there--some of which, the baby never wore, and my friend didn't have any attachment to, but others triggered really strong memories. She said she felt silly keeping some of these clothes, but she doesn't know what to do with them. She thought about making a blanket for each of her children, but all of the clothes are very girly, and she'd feel weird giving something made from them to a boy. She was looking for some ideas--she wants to *do* something with them, not just have them taking up space in a box in the attic, but she doesn't know what. She doesn't want to give them away.


We're not talking about a ton of things here, maybe a dozen items.


I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas. I tried googling this, and pretty much just came up with "make a memory quilt," which, as my friend said, would mean giving a little boy a very pink-and-flowered quilt, and expecting him to one day appreciate it as a memento of someone he never met.

Mama to Silas Anansi, born 9/9/10 and Petra Eadaion, born 10/1/12.

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#2 of 8 Old 08-25-2012, 08:51 PM
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i just had this hit, there are fun ways to make flowers or rosebuds out of fabric, she could make a bouquet or even a few small ones, and either frame them in a shadow box or find a little keepsake box and set them in it. that way they aren't clothing to look at, but just a nice trigger for her good memories hopefully.


you might also post in the arts and crafts section and see what those ladies come up with.

here is a good looking site with links that i found by googling just now (i have nothing to do with this site) http://www.skiptomylou.org/2011/03/22/10-beautiful-fabric-flower-tutorials/

partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

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#3 of 8 Old 08-25-2012, 09:12 PM
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You may want to do a google search for "memory bear". Some Hospices sew or provide patterns of teddy bears to be made out of the clothing from a deceased loved one. It's a popular grieving process.
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#4 of 8 Old 08-28-2012, 06:57 AM
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I would make a baby quilt and keep it in my own room.  That way she could maybe hug it or sleep with it when she is missing her baby.  Just picturing what I would probably do.

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#5 of 8 Old 08-28-2012, 07:19 AM
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The quilt could be hung on the wall or over a rocking chair or something like that. A small memorial rather than giving it to her son. 

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#6 of 8 Old 08-28-2012, 11:51 AM
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My mom made shadow boxes wth other little momentos she wanted to keep.

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#7 of 8 Old 08-28-2012, 12:54 PM
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In terms of a memory quilt, you could get other fabric that is boy colors, and just add a piece of the girl baby clothes to it. This way, there is still a piece of her with the blanket, even if its going to a boy. 

You might also consider making blankets with the clothes and donating them to a local pediatric hospital or even nursery, so others can benefit from them.  I once got a blanket that a group of ladies made for people staying in the hospital, and it was the best gift I ever got.  I still have that blanket to this day, even though I had my first major surgery over 6 years ago.

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#8 of 8 Old 05-08-2013, 08:16 PM
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If you don't quilt, there are people that make quilts with the clothes appliqued to them. That way, the clothes don't have to be cut up. But I do love the shadow box idea.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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