Just need some support for choices I have made - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 03-18-2013, 09:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel uncomfortable posting this but I think I need some support.  I will probably be vague until I get comfortable posting on the internet.

 

My children came to me one night and told me a family member on my side of the family had abused them.  I believed them, confronted the family member and it caused a huge problem on my side of the family.  I approached my children's school counselor because I didn't know who else to turn to and I trust her and had to subsequently report my family member and there were legal implications.  I put my children in therapy and I was in therapy for a while.  My children went to therapy for a while until we all met together and the therapist said the kids seemed fine and they didn't need to see her every week anymore.  My kids have been fine.  I have a close relationship with my children.  They are elementary school aged.  They have made it clear they do not wish to contact the person or talk about the person who abused them. It's me who seems to be a wreck.

 

This was my family and I was close to them and saw them a lot.  We are not in the same state.  We had plans for the future of them staying with us.  We had rituals in our lives where we saw them for certain holidays all the time.  But now all that is gone.  My relationship with those people I still talk to in my family is strained.  They decided to side with the abuser and I didn't.  Much as it hurt me, I felt so betrayed and hurt that this person would do this to my children when I trusted them.  I was told by my family I needed to get past this, I needed to quit telling my friends what had happened because this was a family matter, that I need to stop any legal proceedings (which were out of my hands and I was helpless to do anything about).  But my friends were all I had to lean on and I only told a couple friends anyway because I didn't want my children to be treated differently.  My husband has been wonderful support through everything and I don't know what I would do without him.

 

But I can't seem to get over the sadness I feel.  Sometimes I feel like I will be ok but some days I can barely function and I cry all day.  I am very aware that I have only my husband to fall back on and I feel like he is my only family now.  I tried to find people who have made the same choice I did, to cut off the abuser but I can't find anything.  I find so many heartbreaking stories of children who weren't believed or didn't tell and they carried it into adulthood.  I believed my children with no question.  I cut off the family member who abused them and I have lost all my biological side of the family because of it.  And I have watched my children grow and recover and I *know* in my heart that I made the right decision.  I need some support that I am not alone in what I did and maybe someone else is going through what I am going through.  Is there a support group for parents of children who were abused?  I felt like my family was all so close and now I feel like they all still have each other and I lost them and I am so confused as to why it turned out like that.  Then I get annoyed, like I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself when I have my children and my husband and, for goodness sakes, I'm an adult- why do I still need my family so much?  But there is still so much loss.  For what it's worth, I have not cut out all contact, I still talk through email but it's infrequent and seems strained, without the happiness we used to have.  I have cut off only the abuser and I wish that person no illwill.  I am not angry, I just have no desire for contact.  I know I made the right choice.  But why does it have to be so difficult?  Thank you to anyone who read this, it got longer than I planned.

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#2 of 23 Old 03-21-2013, 04:13 AM
 
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I'm sorry you are going through this, but I believe you made the right decision.  I left my family too, for different reasons.  Just think how lucky your children are to have you.  LOTS of women do not have the backbone to stand up for their own children.  I have seen so many women cave to family pressures to do wrong to their kids.  You are a powerful woman, even if it feels like you are defeated.  Stand tall, pull your shoulders back, lift your chin, and start looking for the healthy supportive friendships you deserve. 

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#3 of 23 Old 03-21-2013, 05:07 AM
 
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I think you made the right decision too but I also think it is reasonable and normal for you to grieve the loss of your family as it was. No matter how old you are it is normal and wonderful to have close, loving supportive relationships with extended family. In many cultures extended family live together as a matter of course.

As an adult and a mother your first responsibility is to your children and it sounds like you have dealt with this awful situation in *exactly * the right way. But now that your children are safe and cared for it is ok for you to grieve, Mama.

I'm sure there are support groups or services for parents of children who were abused. If you feel comfortable posting your general location (state maybe) the perhaps someone will know or can do a quick search for you.
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#4 of 23 Old 03-21-2013, 07:26 AM
 
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Hugs! It is extremely hurtful and devastating to have to cut someone out of your life, who you loved and trusted, and were betrayed by. I don't know how long the hurt lasts, I'd guess forever, but it fades. Occasionally I will see something on facebook by people totally removed from the situation and the hurt comes rushing back up. You're totally doing the right thing, it's just so unfair that it hurts. I wonder if you can ask the therapist for suggestions for a support group or something to help?


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#5 of 23 Old 03-21-2013, 07:29 AM
 
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I just wanted to second the idea that of course it's ok for you to grieve.  You lost a lot.  But I think it's important that in your grief, you remember that *you* didn't do this.  I know when you are hearing those kind of messages from your family it's easy to have your viewpoint skewed. I think it's important to remember, as you grieve, that you are allowed to be sad, or even angry all over again.  You have a right to be angry at the abuser for causing this break, and at your family for siding with him/her (to ask, how could they? how dare they?).  The abuse took your family away.  You didn't leave - they all essentially abandoned you by their behavior - and that hurts big time.  It always hurts when people who are supposed to love you and your kids turn out to have other priorities (like family secrecy), turn out to not be so great as you thought - and it is incredibly hard not to have that extended family support system in your life.  Your life has changed in a big way, but it's not your fault, no matter what they say or imply.  You did *exactly* what you had to do, and you are a strong mama - so let yourself feel what you feel. hug2.gif

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#6 of 23 Old 03-21-2013, 08:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all!  Your kind words and comments mean a lot to me.  I know I always have my husband's support, but it really helps to hear it from other people.  pickle18, you hit it right on the nose.  I felt so accused and blamed when everything came out.  Like I wasn't just getting over it and moving on.  I was told that I guessed I was not moving forward in the situation while everyone else was being the bigger person and moving forward.  But I feel like I AM trying to move forward, just without a certain person, but it gets really hard because I end up feeling like somehow everything got turned around and *I* am the bad guy and causing everyone all this heartache.  But it's not my fault.  I feel like yelling at my family "Hey look!  This isn't easy for me, either.  Cut me some slack!"  :(

Thank you EarthRoots!  I think it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  And there is nothing worse than the seeing fear in your child's eyes when they tell you something they are scared to tell you because they think they'll get in trouble.  I think my children are incredibly brave for talking to me when they did.  We caught things very quickly... before it could have continued or gotten worse. 

I am not comfortable saying where I am yet.  But I am going to look for some support groups in my area.  I tried therapy and I didn't mind it, but I stopped going. I really should find a new therapist. 
 

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#7 of 23 Old 03-21-2013, 03:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by justme11 View Post

I was told that I guessed I was not moving forward in the situation while everyone else was being the bigger person and moving forward.  But I feel like I AM trying to move forward, just without a certain person, but it gets really hard because I end up feeling like somehow everything got turned around and *I* am the bad guy and causing everyone all this heartache.  But it's not my fault. 

YES!  I have been in various situations like this.  Some people feel like refusing to pass judgement makes them the bigger person, but there are some actions that you are supposed to judge against a person.  You know, big things.  These false friends will lord it over you, that you can't forgive, that you put up walls, that you are unhappy, while THEY are happy because THEY are big enough to forgive.  La-ti-da.  Yeah, forgive the person who harmed someone else, not THEM, so they know all about it.  And it drives the knife in deeper because you wonder why everyone seems to think you deserved whatever happened to you. 

 

There was one thing that I learned that really helped put it in perspective.  There was one person (many, but one in particular) who I am supposed to trust, who wanted (selfishly, but understandably) for me to come back into the family.  But looking at this with perspective, they want me to go back to an abusive relationship (many abusive relationships), and how can a person who loves me want me in an abusive relationship?  How can a mom want her daughter in an abusive relationship?  I am offended.  And I am right.  So I walk tall, with a sway in my hips and a sass in my heart. 

 

justme11, I can tell that you have a wonderful, close, trusting relationship with your children.  The lines of communication were already open between you, which enabled them to speak up.  Their voices will be heard, and they already knew that.  You're doing it right, mom! 


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#8 of 23 Old 03-22-2013, 10:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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YES!  I have been in various situations like this.  Some people feel like refusing to pass judgement makes them the bigger person, but there are some actions that you are supposed to judge against a person.  You know, big things.  These false friends will lord it over you, that you can't forgive, that you put up walls, that you are unhappy, while THEY are happy because THEY are big enough to forgive.  La-ti-da.  Yeah, forgive the person who harmed someone else, not THEM, so they know all about it.  And it drives the knife in deeper because you wonder why everyone seems to think you deserved whatever happened to you. 

 

justme11, I can tell that you have a wonderful, close, trusting relationship with your children.  The lines of communication were already open between you, which enabled them to speak up.  Their voices will be heard, and they already knew that.  You're doing it right, mom! 

Well, I can safely say the other parties in this are not happy, either, but you put into words what I couldn't.  That is definitely right on, about the perception that I am not able to move forward because I am seen as passing judgement.  Your post made me all teary eyed because you pointed out something that was SO TRUE but I hadn't really been able to put it into words.  Thank you for your perspective.  You are one strong person and offered me the view from someone who has been in the situation.  Imagine if I had treated my children this way and not respected their desire to cut off contact.  They would be left wondering the same thing "Why does mom WANT us to keep in contact?  Why is she telling us we need to forget about this?"  And I certainly can't do that.  I love them too much to put them at risk again.  I fully expect them to be able to walk tall, knowing their parents support them, and you know.. that makes me feel pretty good, too.  Thank you!

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#9 of 23 Old 03-22-2013, 04:29 PM
 
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I'm glad to help, and glad you seem to be feeling better.  Some people's version of 'forgiveness' is just repackaged denial.  They are burying their head in the sand, refusing to confront the gravity of the situation. 

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#10 of 23 Old 05-04-2013, 02:10 PM
 
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Justmell  you are a very strong woman i just wish i had a mom like you when i was a kid cause i would have not been thru the stuff i went thru my mom did not listen to me and i am so glad you listen to your kids because it not an easy road to go down as you become an adult i now have three kids of my own and #4 on the way i watch my kids like a total hawk cause i dont wont the same thing that happen to me to happen to them my own mom does not even know i have kids i do have a really good dad and he see my kids daily when i got strong enough to tell my dad he took me and left my mom for not believe me and i love him dearly for that hug2.gifi just want to give you a big hug for not let your kids go thru that kid of hell 

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#11 of 23 Old 05-04-2013, 03:11 PM
 
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Good for you for reaching out :) 

 

As someone who has been in the family full of people who kept everything "in the family" , I encourage you to tell your friends. Get whatever support you need, from whomever will give it to you. Obviously your family isnt doing that, and so you are grieving that loss. The loss of trust, support, and the expectation that your family would always be family. 


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#12 of 23 Old 05-29-2013, 06:29 AM
 
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I just wanted to second the idea that of course it's ok for you to grieve.  You lost a lot.  But I think it's important that in your grief, you remember that *you* didn't do this. ....You have a right to be angry at the abuser for causing this break, and at your family for siding with him/her (to ask, how could they? how dare they?).  The abuse took your family away.  ...Your life has changed in a big way, but it's not your fault, no matter what they say or imply.  

exactly that.  You did everything right by honoring your #1 commitment to your kids. You need to grieve this loss, of course, and allow yourself to do so.   I think you sound like an amazing woman.  Your family really lost a lot by losing you as a part of it, by siding with a child abuser.  They don't deserve you anymore, and I hope you find a new 'chosen' family with friends and community.


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#13 of 23 Old 06-14-2013, 09:06 AM
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I'm glad to help, and glad you seem to be feeling better.  Some people's version of 'forgiveness' is just repackaged denial.  They are burying their head in the sand, refusing to confront the gravity of the situation. 

 

Oh, yes.  Too true. 


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#14 of 23 Old 06-19-2013, 06:13 AM
 
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I second what a pp said: I wish I had had a mom like you. No, I wasn't abused by any family member but if it had happened I wonder if she would have done anything about it. You have no idea how great a mother you are and how much this investment will do for your children. I can say that because I was assaulted as a kid and was scared to even tell my mother about it. You have at least made them feel secure enough to report something like that to you.

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#15 of 23 Old 06-19-2013, 02:55 PM
 
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I agree that you made the right choice, but I can see 100% why this would be incredibly difficult for you.  My heart aches for you.  Sending lots of love your way. <3
 

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#16 of 23 Old 07-15-2013, 07:36 AM
 
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I just wanted to say thank you for supporting your children. As an abuse survivor, I'm always so relieved to see stories go this way. They often don't. I understand the feeling of grief and mourning when you lose family members. I went through it, myself. I lost my mother, when she turned her back on me. So thank you, for standing behind your children. Yes, it's incredibly hard to go through something like this, for all parties involved. But you are suffering as a result of protecting those that aren't able to protect themselves. Remind yourself of that. You made a huge sacrifice for your children, and they will be better for it.
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#17 of 23 Old 08-12-2013, 01:37 PM
 
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I was abused as a child and my mother didn't try to protect me. It all but destroyed my relationship with her, and I am sad to say that I will never forgive her for exposing me and my brothers to profound abuse for most of our childhoods. I love her but I will never forgive her. Your children are so incredibly lucky to have you. Please get some irl support in the form of talk therapy. It can be so so helpful.

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#18 of 23 Old 11-04-2013, 10:43 AM
 
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I didnt read all the responses but wanted to say that I have had to cut out a long time abuser from my life and it turned my extended family on it's head. I lost most of my holiday traditions with them and that was something that had to be grieved as well. But then again they all knew about the abuse and didnt help me at all while it was happening so what kind of family is that? Sorry you are going through this.


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#19 of 23 Old 11-08-2013, 08:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow.  Everyone's support on this thread has been great for me.  I have come back a couple times to read everyone's words because it makes me feel better.  I figured I should give an update.  I am feeling better and stronger about my choice to cut out my family member.  I found a new therapist that I like a lot and we have been talking every other week now.  It really does help.  My children are doing well, though it has been difficult for them to understand family dynamics and how cutting out one family member affects everyone.  I do believe I made the right choice.  The holidays will be tough but we are trying to find new traditions and that has been a bit difficult because it's hard to think about holidays anyway.  But this year I know I will get through it and I know we'll have some good memories and perhaps some new traditions in the works for next year.  

Everyone who said they have family that did not stand up for them as children, I am angry and hurt right along with you.  It breaks my heart that parents can't find the strength to advocate for their children.  It is difficult, but I can't imagine having done it any other way.  Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and validating my choice.  With therapy and support, I know things will get easier with time.  

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#20 of 23 Old 11-11-2013, 09:09 PM
 
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Thank you for protecting your children! And believing in them.

 

I am sorry that you have lost your family. I too mourn and see all these other families that are there for them, and mourn that I don't have that. We have found a new tradition of leaving town for a cozy little cabin in the mountains for the holidays! It makes it easier. Sending you healing thoughts and hugs. Glad you have a good therapist. Makes a huge difference!

 

Stay strong, mama!


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#21 of 23 Old 04-15-2014, 08:02 AM
 
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How are you?

 

I don't know how old your kids are but I recently happened to watch the movie The Hunt. It was about a pre-k kid that imagines abuse happened to her because people put it into her head. I was old enough to understand what happened to me when it happened. I was 10 when one of the assaults happened. But one of them happened when I was 3-5 and it did happen. Dd is 7 and sometimes she still says things that she changes afterwards so it'd be a v. difficult call for me but I'd still support her 100%


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#22 of 23 Old 04-23-2014, 09:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am doing ok.  I am still seeing a therapist weekly and I thought everything was behind us.  Recently my youngest daughter came to me and said she had been dwelling on what had happened to her and it was really bothering her.  So I am in the process of finding her a therapist to speak with (our insurance has changed and we no longer have access to our old therapist). So it is very tough to realize she is still thinking about it.  She did speak with our school's counselor and the school counselor said it is common for thoughts to crop back up again, especially now that she is a bit older.  My son is also having some issues and I do not know if what happened to his sisters is a contributor so I am actively seeking counseling for him, as well.  Even though I am a strong supporter of talk therapy and seeking help when needed, it is tough to feel like a great parent when your children are hurting and you can't just give them a hug and say everything will be better.

The legal stuff is still going on and that very much affects me emotionally.  The children are insulated from anything legal, though.  I just focus on raising confident, happy children and I try to remain mindful of myself and my emotions so I don't get too down.  My relationship with my family is so not what it used to be.  I think there's a lot left unsaid and there is anger towards me and my husband.  There's also been denial and manipulation, all which is difficult to take.  That's okay.  One day at a time, right?  These last two months have been particularly difficult.

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#23 of 23 Old 04-23-2014, 02:15 PM
 
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I just wanted to say thanks for the update. Typing in a hurry. Gotta pick up dd from dance.


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