Crying in front of kids?? - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-17-2013, 06:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Dealing with the loss of my husband and I was reading in the 'expert' thread that you should not

cry in front of your children....it scares them.

 

Now, I almost never cry (actually wish I could but I feel like if I start, I wont stop) but if there

are tears, is it wrong for kids to see them?? Some of my kids have asked if I am not sad that

hubby died because I dont cry over it, well rarely do.

 

Curious what others think.

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Old 08-18-2013, 08:41 AM
 
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I think there is nothing more normal than kids seeing that it is OK to mourn a death of a loved person. I think it can be really confusing to them, if they don't see that. It would also show them that it is OK for them to grieve the loss of their father, too, something they need to do.

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Old 08-19-2013, 10:32 PM
 
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My husband passed away five years ago.  I did cry in front of my children.  I didn't do it constantly, but I did it.  Most of my crying was saved up for at night after they were in bed.  But in the early days, we did cry together sometimes.  I think it shows them that it's OK to cry.  The grief counselors I spoke with from the local hospice group said it is perfectly normal.  I don't think there's any way I would have been able to avoid crying completely in front of them.  It would have meant an awful lot of leaving the room suddenly, I think.  Which I think would have been worse for them, looking like I was hiding something.

 

My daughter did not like it when either my son or I cried.  She was 4 at the time and did not know how to process the feelings about it and I think she still didn't completely grasp what it meant that he was dead.  She actually didn't even want us to talk about him, because I think she just wanted to avoid it because of how it made her feel.  But, I wasn't going to keep my 11yo son from expressing his feelings or talking about his dad, which usually led to us crying. Sometimes laughing and crying when we discussed funny things about their dad.  I told my daughter she was welcome to leave the room if it made her uncomfortable, but that we weren't going to stop talking about him.  And we didn't do it all day long, so it's not like we were making her uncomfortable constantly.

 

I'd be glad to discuss things privately with you if you need someone to talk to.  

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Old 08-19-2013, 11:07 PM
 
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I think when you cry in front of your children, you give them permission to cry too. It's another way of teaching them it's okay to be human. I think they desperately need to know that it's okay to feel sad.

I'm so sorry for your loss. <3

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Old 08-20-2013, 05:31 PM
 
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I very much agree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dalia View Post

I think when you cry in front of your children, you give them permission to cry too. It's another way of teaching them it's okay to be human. I think they desperately need to know that it's okay to feel sad.
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Old 09-15-2013, 10:49 AM
 
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It's fine to cry in front of your children! And yes, they might be frightened by it-my son often asks if he did something to upset me. I always reassure him that I'm crying because I miss his brother and it makes me sad-it often leads to discussions about our feelings which are very important for a kid his age (or any age!). NEVER be afraid to let your children know that you have human emotions. 


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Old 09-25-2013, 03:58 PM
 
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When my dad died, I had moments of crying. Oftentimes they would come and hug me and we'd cry together and it was very healing for all of us. It's healthy to cry and kids learn that everyone have feelings.


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Old 09-30-2013, 01:50 PM
 
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So sorry for your loss, I can't imagine...I think it is healthy and normal to cry in front of your kids. Otherwise it's kind of like teaching them the repressing your feelings is ok.


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Old 10-22-2013, 09:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dalia View Post

I think when you cry in front of your children, you give them permission to cry too. It's another way of teaching them it's okay to be human. I think they desperately need to know that it's okay to feel sad.

I'm so sorry for your loss. <3

i agree with her too when my husband did i cry in front of my kids and only my kids and they cry with me and that help us to heal  and i am so sorry for you and your kids loss


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Old 10-23-2013, 10:18 PM
 
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oh mama i am so sorry. I cant even begin to imagine how you could even hide your tears from your children.

my dd has always seen me cry. She has seen me mourn for my brother and father. not throw yourself on the floor wailing, but really body shaking crying. Then her gparents got sick and she helped with taking care of them and they died when she was 5. Then we would both sit and cry together. One time when an ambulance rushed by the noise made me pull over and have a good cry. I had taken fil to the hospital. my sadness made dd cry then.



 



As long as it is not ‘scary crying‘ - where you lose it and dont recognise people around you, when snot runs down your nose and your hair is all messed up and your face is screwed up into a painful looking shape - yes THAT would scare any child.



 



The crying that dd gets concerned about is when i cry after a movie or a piece of music. Dd doesn’t understand why i am crying and she doesn’t usually know what to do. When seh was younger she didn’t quite know what to do ESP. If she came over to give me a hug i could not respond. Now that she is older she understands even if do the scary crying.


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