still grieving about not being able to have children - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 12-26-2013, 12:32 PM - Thread Starter
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Its been almost a year since I was told that I couldn't have children, due to my birth defect.  3 doctors told me that the risks were just too high, and some of my medicines for seizures and spasticity could cause spina bifida or other deformities, so they strongly recommended that I not get pregnant at all.  In July of this year, I had an endometrial ablation and my tubes tied to completely prevent pregnancy.

I thought after I recovered that I would feel better, emotionally, as well as physically, but I still feel miserable.  I get upset that I was born with something myself that has prevented me from having children of my own.  I am the only first generation granddaughter on my mom's side of the family that has never given my grandmother a grandchild.  Plus, on Christmas Eve, my Mom joked that she wished she had more grandkids.  My brother flat out doesn't want to get married, so he is out of the question of grandkids, and my sister said that Brianna is enough of a handful, so she doesn't want anymore.  I told Mom I was sorry I couldn't give her another Tasmanian devil, like Brianna, as a joke, but deep down inside, I was crying. 

I have wanted children ever since I was younger and to be told I can't have any, it kills me inside.  Because of my income and because I am single, I can't adopt.  I have thought about foster parenting, but I don't know if I would be able to let the child go if they were sent to a different home.


Has anyone else who has been told they can't have children felt the same way.  Its like no one understands what I am going through at all.  Everyone tells me to get over it, but its hard.

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#2 of 5 Old 12-26-2013, 06:29 PM
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I do...I can't have kids either..I was lucky and was able to adopt my son when he was 15 months and now I am raising my granddaughter..But I never got over not being able to have a baby...I cried and prayed but now I just accept it..It still breaks my heart and sometimes I still wish I could but I know it won't ever happen for me...I wonder why me sometimes...All these people that have lots of kids and don't even care or want them...


yeah...I still have episodes...Not so much as before I got my granddaughter but I went through it a couple months ago again...I guess I will always have place that will wonder what it is like to carry my own baby...


Nothing I can do about it though so I just try to keep busy and focus on loving my granddaughter to peices....


I am sorry that you can't have babies..There are other ways of becoming a mother and maybe in time you will explore those options but I know what you are saying...



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#3 of 5 Old 12-29-2013, 12:54 AM
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I'm sorry. :hug

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#4 of 5 Old 12-29-2013, 01:04 PM
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I'm so sorry. This brings tears to my eyes as I have struggled with infertility and felt those things. Is it possible that your circumstances could change and you could adopt someday? 

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#5 of 5 Old 01-04-2014, 03:08 PM - Thread Starter
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I am working with a foster parenting agency right now that does fostering-to-adoption programs.  She told me that she has had several single women adopt without any problems, and my health problems shouldn't rule me out, because all that is wrong physically on the outside is I am in a wheelchair, and that if I can take care of my niece from a wheelchair since she was a baby, then she sees no problem with me taking care of another baby the same age as Bri was (she was 7 months old when I started babysitting her every weekend).  I am even getting a hold of Dr. Jack Newman to see about inducing lactation for the possibility of adoption.


I hope it works out.  It sucks not being able to have children of your own.

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