Can't get pregnant - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
  • 1 Post By Beccadoula
  • 1 Post By nicholas
Thread Tools
#1 of 8 Old 02-18-2014, 10:58 PM - Thread Starter
Beccadoula's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Juneau, Alaksa
Posts: 556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm just going to put this out there.  I've been married almost 10 years and we've never been pregnant.  During that time I have tried all kinds of natural treatments for my various conditions.  I can feel myself getting healthier all the time but still there are no babies for us.  I feel very strongly that I do not want to pursue a more medicinal approach to fertility treatments - I really want to be healthy enough to conceive not just able to...if that makes any sense.  I've drastically changed my diet and fitness levels.  I am struggling most with feeling cheated.  I have loved as my own 4 children that were abandoned by their birth mother and I'm so completely grateful for them each, they are enough rationally...but emotionally I just have moments when I feel like there's a hole in my heart, a missing child.  I cry and pray and try to be brave about it, but it just hits like a ton of bricks when I genuinely think I might be pregnant and find that I'm not.  Sometimes recovery is quick and I'm fine in just a few minutes.  Sometimes I actually feel like a baby has been taken from me and I can't hold back the tears.  I'm in a constant state of mourning.  The stages of grief are cycling through me on a daily basis and I'm just tired of it.  I really feel like I should be over it by now, but I don't think I'll ever be.  My loving husband has no idea why this is an issue, he tries so hard to be helpful and kind but a shattering blow to my heart just bounces off him.  He would like more because I would and that's very sweet of him but I feel very alone in my sorrow.  And to top it all I became a doula back when I thought for sure I would be pregnant any day.  I've been a doula for 7 years now and I love it so very much.  I've had moments when I was jealous of clients but mostly I just hate the way my brain is forced to constantly think about pregnancy and birth.  I know too much about it to just turn it off.  I have tried.  I quit more than once thinking it would ease the pain but it actually causes me to dwell too much on myself.  At least as a doula I'm a constant blessing and can help others in a real way.  So, here I am - the brunt of my own bad joke it seems.  And some days it is such a struggle.  Other months can go by easily and with seemingly little pain and then I'm hit again with that feeling of loss and a deep grief for no apparent reason.  Thanks for listening.  I'm really not looking for advice here, just needed to say this and I don't want to get into it with family or friends right now.  I just feel like I can't go on grieving all the time but I can't just not care either.

applejuice likes this.

Wife to Mark, Momma to Matt & Bryan : Joe & Jonathan - Labor Doula
Beccadoula is offline  
#2 of 8 Old 02-19-2014, 08:54 PM
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 3,404
Mentioned: 68 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 27 Post(s)
Hugs to you. Grief is hard I know too well. I can just say stay strong and grieve as much as you need to . Hugs again
tracyamber is offline  
#3 of 8 Old 02-20-2014, 07:16 AM
unuselyriver's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: hiram ga
Posts: 1,539
Mentioned: 10 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

hugs momma i can say one thing you might not have had your kids by birth but your still a good momma to the ones you have and there yours stay strong

happily in love with dh blowkiss.gif and raise my three jelly beansjumpers.gif and missing my  babies in heavenangel3.gifangel3.gifangel2.gifangel1.gifangel1.gifangel1.gif angel.gif we finely got are rainbow and me and her daddy are so glad are rainbow is here  born on 11/07/2013 
unuselyriver is offline  
#4 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 09:57 AM
P.J.'s Avatar
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,530
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine being a doula and longing so badly for my own baby.


Have you considered posting this in the Trying to Conceive forum? You may find more women who are going through similar there.


Best of luck in getting pregnant. FWIW, I'm always surprised how many stories I've heard of couples who tried desperately for many many years, and finally gave up and lo and behold they did eventually get pregnant, after having let it go. Miracles do happen.

Mama since 2010
Multicultural living in Europe
P.J. is online now  
#5 of 8 Old 04-12-2014, 09:05 PM
AntoninBeGonin's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Northwest suburbs, Illinois.
Posts: 3,176
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Reneé, 33 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 nocirc.gif and Arianna 9/06 gd.gif angel1.gifangel1.gif (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 blowkiss.gif.  TTC a little rainbow rainbow1284.gifchartnew.gif Currently in the 2WW 
AntoninBeGonin is offline  
#6 of 8 Old 07-04-2014, 09:47 PM
applejuice's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: hunting the wild aebelskiever
Posts: 18,603
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
I am sorry. We all have blessings in our lives, and losses also. God bless you in your journey of life.

When my husband and I decided to start our family, we decided that if we did not conceive, we would not do anything extraordinary, we would just be everyone's crazy aunt and uncle. I can relate to that part of your post.
applejuice is offline  
#7 of 8 Old 07-04-2014, 09:51 PM
Viola P's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 847
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 26 Post(s)
Big <hug>
Viola P is offline  
#8 of 8 Old 07-05-2014, 11:46 AM
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Hobe Sound Florida
Posts: 4
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had a child at 45 after 2 lost pregnancies

I thought for sure I would never get pregnant again at 42, 43,and 44....and finally delivered at 45 with a midwife.....I did it all the natural way, if you are interested in the info please e mail me at blessing to you.. idelma
applejuice likes this.
nicholas is offline  

Grief And Loss

Quick Reply
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off