today i found out my neighbors little boy die from sids he was 7 mths old and seem so healthy i have been taking it really hard cause i have an almost 4 month old baby and it has me worry that it could have been her i am fill with sadness over it cause he was a well loved baby i dont even know what to say to them i do know how it fells to lose your child and there really are no words that can make it any better i know this cause i lost my first born shortly after she was born i am still griefing her death she stay on my mind daily and the lost of there son has me want to say something to comfort them but i dont know what to do
I'm sorry about your neighbor's son. It's often hard to know what to say or do when someone's grieving. I have never lost a child but I have lost two other very close loved ones (both young adults) suddenly, and it was of great comfort to me to talk to other people who'd lost loved ones suddenly. Maybe you could just go to her, hug her or express basic condolences and let her know you also lost a baby and you're there if she ever needs to talk or anything at all. She may come to you. And if not, at least to my mind, you haven't said or done anything disrespectful or invasive.
Mama since 2010
Multicultural living in Europe
My advice to you would be to not avoid her. There isn't anything magical that you can say that will comfort her or make her feel better; the death of a child is so devastating, which you must already know if you lost a child shortly after birth. Don't impose your grief on hers; certainly it's appropriate to mention that you lost a child and are here if she ever wants to talk, but if she takes you up on that, do not talk about your loss unless she asks about it. Do not ever say that you know exactly what she is going through, because every loss is different and that can be really alienating to a grieving mother. It's fine for you to grieve and feel everything that you feel, but not when you are with her; it needs to be about her and her loss for that short period of time, just like if someone was supporting you through your grief it should be all about you, not about them.
Truly the best thing that you can offer someone who is grieving is your presence and your listening ear. I really like what tracyamber suggested - a hug without words. Those gestures were ones that I really appreciated when my son died. It is hard to know what to say, but a hug and support is always appropriate. I'm so sorry; this must be a really triggering time for you, and that can be very difficult to deal with also. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself space to process your own grief too.
thank you ladies for your advice it has been a hard time for us all but i think we are all doing ok
|Grief And Loss|