HELP grieving "miscarriage" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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To day I woke up and found I was bleeding...then spotting with light cramping. My doctor sent me to the ER as I am 11 weeks pregnant. They found that my cervix was slightly dialated- which they informed me was not normal but said we would not know anything until after the doctor examined the ultrasound results. Upon waiting hours on end some one came in to inform me that my baby has no heartbeat and had probably died inside me about a week ago and that I am to go home and eventually it will all come out.... this just doesn't seem right to me how they can leave it inside me and not even give me a time frame of when it should occur by. if the fetus died a week ago but I am starting to bleed this morning and it still hasn't happened yet? I am scared and alone just waiting at home with my one year old son for my miscarriage to actually happen.
I thought a miscarriage just happened.. I did not imagine you would have to miscarry for weeks.... cant you get sick if something dead is left inside you? please help I feel so scared and alone.

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#2 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 02:15 PM
 
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There is a section on mothering for miscarriage and loss.  You may get more answers there?  I think it is fairly normal from what I have read.  I don't think you would get sick.  Your body will do what it needs to do.  I hope you have someone there for you for support. Hugs mama.

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#3 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 02:16 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss mamahunny! And I'm sorry you are scared and alone at this time. Is there someone who can come be with you?
What you are describing does sound very common. I sometimes see it referred to as a missed miscarriage. Sometimes the body keeps acting like you are pregnant when the baby stops growing. It can take some time for everything to work itself out. Some women opt to wait for things to happen naturally because they prefer a non-invasive natural approach. You can also opt for a D&C or some medication that can help things along faster.
Take good care of yourself. I wish you peace and healing.



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#4 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 02:29 PM
 
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:Hug

 

I can't say why they did not offer D&C. There are risks involved but if you understand them and still want to proceed with it I think you should be able to call your doctor and ask them how to schedule one. Even if you choose to wait it out you may want to schedule an ultrasound sometime to check that everything has passed.

 

As far as what is happening right now, yes there is a risk of infection but not necessarily right away. One of the biggest things to prevent that is not to be sticking anything up there - tampons, doing exams, sex. You are bleeding which means things are starting to move. Are you having labor pains? Did they give you any information on what kinds of signs to look for that might indicate a problem, such as too much bleeding?

 

 

 

WARNING: Graphic, possibly triggering details...

Every woman is going to be different, but I'll tell you what happened during mine when I was around 8 weeks pregnant. I started spotting on Friday morning. I was somewhat concerned but decided just to rest as I had bled a bit during my oldest son's pregnancy. As the day went on cramps began to pick up. I decided the next morning to go to the store to pick up some vit. e because that had helped stopped the bleeding before and ended up having to be out of the house a lot longer than I wanted. By the time I returned in the afternoon the bleeding was starting to pick up pretty heavy and I began to have contractions. I spent a lot of time in the tub with contractions and the clots started coming out. It was not all at once. They would stop for awhile and then come again. I was watching carefully for the baby but it was mostly just blood. All day Sunday I was back and forth between rest and contractions. Monday morning I was woken up by a weird twinging like something was slipping out, then the bleeding slowed down. I had to go out for awhile again. When I returned home I sat down on the toilet I passed the placenta. I never did see anything I could identify as the baby but the placenta was unmistakable and quite different looking from all the blood clots that had passed through. After that the bleeding slowed down and there was no more labor pains. Then for about a week I bled just like a period before it stopped.

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#5 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 02:31 PM
 
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Here is the pregnancy and birth loss forums if you want to post over there or just take a look around - http://www.mothering.com/community/f/22/pregnancy-and-birth-loss

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#6 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 03:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Im sorry I thought this was the correct place to post... but thank you all for the support.
fruitfulmomma-  No one at the er was great at explaining much. Thank you for sharing your experience. It is always more consoling to hear from another mother who has been there. I am glad to know this is fairly common and regardless of what I feel I am not alone.

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#7 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 03:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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fruitfulmomma- no I am not having labor pains or cramps and have stopped bleeding and spotting now all  together..

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#8 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 03:59 PM
 
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No one at the er was great at explaining much.

Unfortunantly I don't think that is uncommon. I did not need to go to the er myself but have heard from so many women that they tend to be rather callous about the whole situation.

 

So I would watch for excessive bleeding- if you soak up a pad within an hour and it shows no signs of slowing down that is a sign you may be hemmoraghing, also excessive coldness, faintness, or your blood pressure is dropping below normal. Clots are normal - I have heard different ideas on how big is too big, some say bigger than a golf ball, a midwife told me up to the size of your fist but that does seem a bit big to me. I think mine remained at the golf ball or smaller size. Watch for fever, severe pain - worse than labor and not going away, anything else that bothers you. You should feel free to call your care provider with any questions you have and not worry that you are bothering them with nothing. It is their job to listen to you.

 

Quote:
no I am not having labor pains or cramps and have stopped bleeding and spotting now all  together..

Well, then I would say it is up to you whether you want to wait this out or go ahead and get some help to move things along. There are some herbs that could help, I am not familiar with specifics, but you could look those up if you would prefer that over surgery.

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