SeaClearly, I am so so so sorry for your loss - I can only send a big tight hug for consolation - words don´t seem sufficient.
I lost my Dad to suicide 5.5years ago - and I still haven´t quite healed. But it does get easier, even if the pain is still there.
It helped me doing a lot of reading and research. I did endless searches on suicide on the internet, and it helped me knowing that other people were in my shoes too. A very good book to read though is "Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide", by Kay Redfield Jamison.http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...books&n=507846
Stay close to your other son now - he needs you - probably more than ever (your wife too!).
I recently came across a couple of very good websites on death and dying:http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/index.htmlhttp://www.missfoundation.org/kids/mainkids.html
The second one also deals with grief in children.
There is a also a PDF that your son may want to try out to try to get his feelings across - it´s called "What Color is Death, Daddy?" ( http://www.missfoundation.org/kids/mainkids.html
Please take care of yourself - try to make sure you all get good healthy food and rest as much as possible! Your immune system will need all the help it can get right now. Make sure that your son stays away from dairy products, as they just exacerbate asthma.
I hope this helps. I am glad you are on this forum - everyone here wants to help. Keep posting, and we will all try our best to meet your need for talking about this.
Sending love and healing vibes as best I can to you and your family!!