((((Jerome John Hellman)))) Beloved Papa. - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 108 Old 02-10-2005, 11:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks Lucy! xoxo

I am having the worst day... I can't quit crying, I miss him so much.
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#62 of 108 Old 02-22-2005, 03:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I picked out the Niche at the cemetary that my Papa & my Son are going to share. It's a beautiful spot.

Im a mess still. I feel like screaming & crying all the time. I want to hug him & be close to him & I can't. I hate it. I miss them both so much.

I wonder if people can truely die of a broken heart because I feel as though I could...

I miss you Papa & Carson!

I love you Papa & Carson!
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#63 of 108 Old 02-22-2005, 02:26 PM
 
Itlbokay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,397
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Itlbokay is offline  
#64 of 108 Old 02-23-2005, 01:48 AM
 
applejuice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: hunting the wild aebelskiever
Posts: 18,765
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)


My Father died the day before the election 2000, and I miss him every day since.

He is no longer in pain.:

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
applejuice is offline  
#65 of 108 Old 02-23-2005, 12:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
((((applejuice))))



Thanks Mamas.
I am in a panic lately. I need a vacation or a massage... I wish I had the money to take Chase to the Seattle Zoo.
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#66 of 108 Old 02-26-2005, 03:40 AM
 
Katana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: on the decks
Posts: 2,989
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Lots of hugs to you, mama.
Katana is offline  
#67 of 108 Old 02-26-2005, 03:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks Mama... I really need the love.

back to you!
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#68 of 108 Old 02-27-2005, 10:31 AM
 
mamabeard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: s'times sleep dep, s'times JOY!
Posts: 1,552
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
rachelle.. i've been thinking about you and am sorry that you are in such pain..

if it will help, i will tell you about my n.d.e. about 7 years ago.. i actually *died* and went to heaven for.. timeless time.. dunno, maybe no time, in real time, but a while in heaven "time". GOD was with me.. sHe was pure comfort, pure love, pure bliss. light. boundless formless life. i was merged, enveloped in hir energy.. pure eternal love. for a while. i knew it was GOD and heaven, without a doubt. i knew i deserved it because i was a good person, and heaven was my reward. i read with such joy the words of thanks you sent your papa, and i knew that it was your blessing, your releasing him to heaven. and i knew that right then you let him choose to be your angel. yes you have pain, but your hanging on *was* hurting him. your words of joy and thanks were giving him permission to stay with you. know what i mean? to love you, by loving him. maybe i can help by giving you this story, as a comfort. as a proof that there is heaven, so you can release him totally.. and then he will always be with you. he sounds like a wonderful angel.. and he seems like he was an angel as a man too.

blessings
!!
mamabeard is offline  
#69 of 108 Old 02-27-2005, 10:52 AM
 
Mom4tot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Pemberley
Posts: 15,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
(((Rachel))) I am so sorry. Your papa sounds like a most amazing man. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers

~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
Mom4tot is offline  
#70 of 108 Old 02-27-2005, 03:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you Mom4Tot!

Thank you MamaBeard... your experience is amazing, thank you so much for showing me a glimpse of your soul. I know that my Papa is in heaven, he had the most unwavering faith of anyone I have ever met. When he made the decision to quit dialysis, there was no hesitation, no questioning of his decision, nothing. He knew his faith would sustain his life after. He was catholic.

rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#71 of 108 Old 02-27-2005, 04:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh & he was an Angel... he was amazing!!!!!!!!!

He died exactly a month ago today & I miss him so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#72 of 108 Old 02-28-2005, 01:55 AM
 
mamabeard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: s'times sleep dep, s'times JOY!
Posts: 1,552
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
his faith, his wisdom, his knowing is now yours. take comfort; he is with you!!

mamabeard is offline  
#73 of 108 Old 02-28-2005, 03:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was thinking about him alot today & I realized I recieved most of my traits & mannerisms from him.

-EXACT same eye color & skintone.
-Raynauds disease on our ankles & feet.
-Stubborness.
-Straight up honesty.
-This may sound weird but we are/were both thumb holders... my thumbs are always tucked under my fingers & my hands clenched, not tight though.

This is so hard... I had to pull over on the freeway tonight because I couldn't quit crying. I miss him so much. We had our first bi-weekly family gathering since my Papa died & it wasn't any fun, we all just kinda sat around. You could definately tell he was not there... the kids weren't squealing with laughter & he wasn't picking on me for wearing ratty clothes.

I miss you Papa! I love you Papa!
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#74 of 108 Old 02-28-2005, 01:04 PM
 
mamabeard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: s'times sleep dep, s'times JOY!
Posts: 1,552
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
mamabeard is offline  
#75 of 108 Old 03-09-2005, 11:50 AM
 
kaje62's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Uptown Mpls WAHM aka geek from SD
Posts: 2,444
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh my I am married to Jerome John Peterson. I love you mama.
kaje62 is offline  
#76 of 108 Old 03-09-2005, 01:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow! I love you too!
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#77 of 108 Old 03-09-2005, 02:05 PM
 
shershine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: in a blue state
Posts: 653
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hugs mama! My dad has been in a coma for over a month now and I understand the pain of feeling the absence at family gatherings. At my mom's house things are no longer funny, there is no light. I just can't stop thinking about what my dad would be saying or doing if he was there. Hang in there. Laughter and light will come again with time.
shershine is offline  
#78 of 108 Old 03-10-2005, 01:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Shershine,
I am so sorry about your Dad. It feels like the light is completely gone in my life too. All of my love & prayers to you & your family.


Ive had another really hard day today, all night I dreamt he was still alive, he was off dialysis but still alive, he just astounded the doctors, it was a medical miracle. I feel so let down even though it was a dream. I think I may be losing my mind.
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#79 of 108 Old 03-10-2005, 10:46 AM
 
Mom4tot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Pemberley
Posts: 15,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Rachelle, 's. Dreams like that are very normal. I still have the occassional dream like that about my Dad, 14 years later. They are oddly comforting though, after all this time....it helps me remember small things. I just wanted to say that you aren't going crazy, and you will be ok. Your body and psyche are working through this terrible loss.

Shershine

~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
Mom4tot is offline  
#80 of 108 Old 03-15-2005, 10:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks Shershine! Im having another rough few days & I swear I may lose my mind.

On the plus side I have been excersing 5 days a week at Curves so physically I am feeling better, now to find a 'curves' for my heart...

rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#81 of 108 Old 03-18-2005, 11:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Im so angry... everytime I see a little old man I rage inside, I burst into tears & think... 'Why not you? Why my Papa?' I physically get ill, I throw up, etc. I think Im nuts. In my mind I know these Men are wonderful Papas, just like mine, but I still loathe them. I miss my Papa so much.

I love you Papa Jerry!
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#82 of 108 Old 03-19-2005, 12:20 AM
 
Mom4tot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Pemberley
Posts: 15,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
's Rachel....

~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
Mom4tot is offline  
#83 of 108 Old 03-22-2005, 05:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks Mama!

I am a damn wreck... I took my Grandma out some dinner last night & she had sold his truck earlier that morning... it was just a little junker he threw his boat on top of so he could go out fishing, anyway clipped to the sun viser was his registration, insurance papers, fishing license & on top of it all was a picture of my Son when he was 6 months old, my Papa didn't have the truck when my Son was that age so he obviously picked that out to put in there... no pictures of anyone else, just my Baby. It tears me up because my Son Chase, whos almost 6 doesn't remember a time when my Papa wasn't sick, he just remembers that Papa was really crabby & tired alot. Oh my heart is breaking.
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#84 of 108 Old 03-24-2005, 04:53 PM
 
yurika47's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 37
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Rachelle,
I understand how you feel. When I was 16 my dad passed away...the most amazing man I have ever met (your papa sounds a lot like him).
Grief has to be the worst feeling in the world and it's unfortunate but only those who have experienced it intensely can sympathize. But grief is also an amazing thing... imagine what it would say about your papa if you weren't so upset by his passing. I'm sure that you're grandfather is truely an amazing man and he misses you just as much and wants you to be happy and cheerful when you think of him. Think of how blessed you are to have known him and been so important to him... meanwhile the rest of us can only imagine what he was like.
I'll be honest: This is one of the more difficult times... when everyone else seems to move on but you still need time and aren't getting as much support from others. But this is also when most of your healing will occur.
I had a hard time grieving... I kept most of it in for years... and I admit it's still hard, some days some moments are worse than others. But whenever I remember him I smile. He really was an amazing man and although I miss him, it saddens me most that no one else will ever get a chance to meet him, to laugh with him, to get teased by him (except of course, when i use one of his jokes). But overall I'm lucky that I was able to experience all of that and hopefully you'll reach that point too... to realize how blessed you are despite the pain you feel from losing someone you love.
yurika47 is offline  
#85 of 108 Old 03-31-2005, 02:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you so much yurika47, you make my heart smile. Your Dad sounds wonderful also!

I am getting ready to head to Iowa tomarrow, where my Grandfather grew up, where I grew up, we are taking the route back home that we always went in his semi, we will be stopping at the truck stop he used to own in Murdo South Dakota, I'll be having dinner in the house he grew up in... I feel so scared. What if I can't hold it together? I need to because Im driving from washington state to Iowa in a van with my Mom, Gram, Sister & Son. How am I gonna do it, the entire trip will make me think of him, how we used to stop at this weird little cafe in Broadus Montana & get bacon sandwiches, how we'd laugh about my Gram falling asleep driving the semi going down chamberlin hill, Laughing about Snake sandwiches in Park City Montana, stopping in wall drug to see the dinosaur... Why do I have to have all these memories? I miss him so much. I want my Papa back damn it.
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#86 of 108 Old 03-31-2005, 02:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for listening to me, this thread is like my therapy. I can't talk to my Mom because the instant I say 'Papa' she bursts into tears, I can't talk to my Gram because I don't want to upset her... she takes along time to let it out. She just been so busy that she hasn't had time to let it sink in.

I thank you all.

rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#87 of 108 Old 04-01-2005, 08:31 PM
 
yurika47's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 37
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Rachelle,
I know the trip will be tough but you don't have to hold it together. Although pulling over to the side of the road might be a good strategy to keep in mind. I'm assuming that you're going on the trip in rememberance of him and if its ok if makes you sad sometimes to miss him. The memories are a blessing and a curse. Would you be who you are today if you hadn't experienced all those times with your Papa? But, the memories are also what hurts or at least the fact that no more will be made. It's funny though I'm sure while you're on your trip you'll have moments when you'll realize that your papa is with you on the road, at the truck stop, the cafe, Park City, Wall Drug, because you wouldn't be making that trip if it wasn't for him. And maybe in the end, the trip will be what you've needed these last few months to see that he never really left you and will always be with you.

I'm assuming that you've left already so this post may be late... just so you know, I'll be thinking of you this weekend.

Also, it does help "talking" it out to people is therapeutic, isn't it?
yurika47 is offline  
#88 of 108 Old 04-01-2005, 09:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks Mama... I am hoping in the car in about 10 minutes to get out of here, You also have a good week.
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#89 of 108 Old 04-25-2005, 05:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The trip was so tough... everywhere we went I had memories of my Papa. My Gram is having a horrible time right now & I can't talk to her because when she starts crying, I cry & then she cries harder. How are my Gram, Mom, Sister & I supposed to help each other when we all just cry?

I miss my Papa so much, I need his guidance right now.

I love you Papa!
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
#90 of 108 Old 05-22-2005, 02:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
rachelle-a-tron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was talking on the phone with my Grandma last night & the tv was on in the background at her house & I thought I heard my Papas voice...
I almost said, "Tell Papa goodnight & I love him." I caught myself at the moment my mouth opened & burst into tears.

I miss you Papa! I love you so much!
rachelle-a-tron is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off