Everything was looking good for about a week, like he was on the mend & would go to rehab this week & then he quit eating & started sleeping constantly. He says hes in no pain & he needs to go. He has decided to quit dialysis, he met with my parents, my husband & I, my little Brother & sister, the Chaplain & his Renal Doc last night & made this decision. I know this is for the best but I feel frantic & like I am going to explode. After the decision was made, he asked me to hold his hand (Which I was already doing) & he looked into my eyes & told me that he loved me more than anything in the whole world, he started to cry & begged my husband to take care of Chase & I, then like the true smart-ass he is said "lord help you Casey, shes a handfull!" Everyone cracked up so hard.
I can't sleep (hence the 5:30 am posting,) I can't eat, I spent all night leaning over a bucket. I just want to freak out & scream, & pull out my hair, I have no idea what to do.
My husband is not very supportive, I have no idea how I made it home from the hospital last night, I had to pull over twice to throw up & he followed me but never got out to help me, he didn't help me get my Son into the house & I had to plead for him to get me a bucket, when he did get the bucket he dropped it at my feet & said "hope thats clean enough for ya, it's the best I can do." He didn't help Chase & I get into bed, I had to brush Chases teeth & get his jammies on, all while throwing up. I hate him.
So please think good thoughts for my Papa & my grieving family. I love you all for your support.