Dh killed my cat - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 03:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband today in his rush to get to work killed my cat this morning. When he put down the garage door Phoenix who I guess spent the night outside tried to get back into the garage but didn't make it. The door came down on top of him. I found him when I woke up this morning wondering why I hadn't heard him. I looked out into the garage and saw him there stuck under the door. I had to call the neighbor to put him in something so I can bury him later. I couldn't do it. My sister is going to come down today to help me bury him.
He liked being outside we let him in and out of the house whenever he wanted. We had just made a bed for him in the garage yesterday to keep him warm when he spent the nights outside.
He was such a sweet cat. He purred constantly and was so onery. Always making mischief. The girls liked to dress him up and he would lay in their doll stroller and let them push him around. Talia carried him around every chance she got. He liked to attack my hair. And nip my ear when I was sleeping. He did the same to Talia. She woke up this morning after her dad left telling me that Ke was playing with her hair. She called him Ke. I guess he was telling her good-bye.
I haven't told the girls yet. I'm not really sure how to tell them that their dad killed their cat. Even though I know he didn't do it on purpose. I haven't been able to get a hold of dh yet to tell him what happened. The poor baby was only five months old. :
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#2 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 03:35 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. My cat died recently and dh and I were heartbroken.

As for telling the girls, I really wouldn't blame it on dh. I would just say the kitty had an accident and died.

Again, I'm sorry.
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#3 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 03:47 PM
 
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I'm so sorry.
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#4 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 03:55 PM
 
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I'm so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you, as I KNOW how the little furry children have a way of quickly wiggling their ways into your heart, and into your family. I have a 6 year old (Cereal) and a 1 year old (Chai) cat, and while I love them both, I can't possibly imagine how heartbroken I'd be if something were to happen to Cereal. She's been there with me through a WHOLE lot.

Kids are very resilient, and I'm sure they will need some time to understand but will eventually come to terms with it. I wouldn't tell them that it was DH's fault, either, as this may only cause hard feelingsbetween kids and DH and I'm SURE that DH will feel terrible about it already.

I'm very sorry.
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#5 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 04:03 PM
 
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So sorry. It's hard losing a pet.
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#6 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 05:53 PM
 
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sorry about your loss mama.
see it this way, your partner didn't kill the kitty, the garage door did. i clicked on this thinking it was going to be something frightening and deranged that a partner did. no, this was an accident, right?
don't blame him, if he wanted to kill your kitty friend, the garage door would have been too difficult to time out. it was bad luck, and it sucks. tell your kids the truth, and hold each other while you cry.
i'm sorry this happened....
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#7 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 06:10 PM
 
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I'm sorry, that's awful. I agree w/pp. I wouldn't tell your children your DH killed the cat. It was an accident.

BTW: We have a laser sensor on our garage door that keeps it from closing if anything is in the doorway. You might want to see if you could get one of those for your current system. It would be awful if one of your kids got caught.
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#8 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 06:10 PM
 
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Awww, mama...I'm so sorry! :

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#9 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 07:16 PM
 
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I am so sorry, Andrea. My dh purposefully let my cat out last week (when I'd specifically asked him to stop doing so), & my Rina is dead too. I am going to have a hard time working through the blame, let alone the grief. It is enough to know that he realizes he broke my heart & that his unwillingness to heed my request let her die unnecessarily.

Try not to let the kids know the details, I guess. But if you ever want to talk about your anger & distress about it freely with someone who understands (since I am just going through the same thing) you are welcome to pm me (or keep talking about it here, of course). I know. I know. :
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#10 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 07:37 PM
 
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Hugs and my prayers are with momma2girls and TigerTail
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#11 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 08:14 PM
 
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I would not tell them at all that DH killed the cat. That is only going to cause distrust towards him in their eyes. Saying the cat died without too many details is going to be much easier on everyone.
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#12 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 08:51 PM
 
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[QUOTE=TigerTail;6300135]I am so sorry, Andrea. My dh purposefully let my cat out last week (when I'd specifically asked him to stop doing so), & my Rina is dead too. I am going to have a hard time working through the blame, let alone the grief. It is enough to know that he realizes he broke my heart & that his unwillingness to heed my request let her die unnecessarily.
:[/QUOTE

Yes, husbands do this, don't they. My favorite hen "Rosie" was attacked and killed by raccoons because DH left the hen house open. It was thoughtless but not intentional, he feels bad about it. It's a tragedy all around. Blaming is just more destructive--Everyone involved needs compassion and grief support in situations like these. So sorry about your cat
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#13 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 08:57 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

ITA with telling the kids "kitty had an accident" rather than "your : father killed the cat!!!!"

What concerns me is that this was a garage-door accident. My first thought when I read "DH in his rush this morning" was that he accidentally ran over the cat. Aren't garage doors supposed to have a safety stop so they won't close all the way and hurt/kill an animal or a small child? I distinctly remember testing the garage door safety element with a roll of paper towels when we were growing up (or maybe it was only tested when we got a new garage door installed?)

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
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#14 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 09:02 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm not sure why you are even contemplating telling your kids that dh killed your cat. There is no way your dh could have known that your cat would end up stuck under the garage door.
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#15 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 09:39 PM
 
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#16 of 25 Old 10-17-2006, 10:41 PM
 
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I am so sorry about your cat
Please go to the store and buy a laser sensor for your garage door- garage doors without these sensors are very dangerous. We have one installed on ours and more then once it possible saved our dogs life when he dashed out from under it...he likes to sneak out when he can....
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#17 of 25 Old 10-18-2006, 12:25 AM
 
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so sorry mama....
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#18 of 25 Old 10-18-2006, 12:28 AM
 
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So sorry for the loss of Phoenix.
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#19 of 25 Old 10-18-2006, 12:35 AM
 
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I am SO SO sorry, mama!

I agree with pp - don't tell the kids how the cat died. Go get a sensor for the garage door.

Also, try to be honest with yourself and DH about the blame you must feel towards him. No, it wasn't intentional, and I'm sure intellectually you know this and don't blame him. Emotion is another issue and just be honest with yourself so that you can get past it and deal with your grief.

Thoughts and prayers with you and your family (and Phoenix). :
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#20 of 25 Old 10-18-2006, 01:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#21 of 25 Old 10-18-2006, 05:21 AM
 
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I am so sorry. When we first got our dog (pound rescue) she killed our kitten, Diva...we were absolutely devastated.

Kylin 10/14/2002

Aja 8/13/2004

Evie 3/11/2010

2 angels in Heaven (Alexis & Bryson)

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#22 of 25 Old 10-18-2006, 05:35 AM
 
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s: im so sorry!

Your life doesnât change by the man whos elected. If your loved by someone you can't be rejected... decide what to be and go be it! If your a caged bird brake in and demand that somebody free it.
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#23 of 25 Old 10-18-2006, 02:47 PM
 
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I am sorry to hear about your sweet kitty. Losing a pet is terrible. to you.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#24 of 25 Old 10-18-2006, 02:59 PM
 
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Oh so sorry. My cat of 9 years was killed by a car last week. We buried him in our yard. The "funeral" really helped the kids. DD asked to bury him "like a pharoah" and she put in some flowers, essential oils, his favorite toy and food. I think it helped all of us. You have my sympathy and empathy.
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#25 of 25 Old 10-28-2006, 09:40 PM
 
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